Saturday, December 24, 2005

Is this really it?

I haven't been blogging for a while and so many things have happened. For one, I am now on Christmas Break and I am typing right now at home with my brother and his infant daughter at the back. It's really amazing how much joy a small child can bring to a house. Anyway, I'm somewhat confused over something and that is why I am writing in my blog, maybe as it usually happens I eventually make sense when I start pouring out my feelings in this blog.

Several years back, I had the opportunity to form my concept on things about romance and falling in love. I realized then that this is a major part of our life and that this should not be something that should be taken lightly. I gain inspiration from the experiences of other people and learning from them at the same time integrating the values that I learned from my faith. Upon the advice of a pastor that I truly admire, I started writing qualifications that I had set for the girl I am looking for. The first on the list was prayerful and then she must love her family. That list started to become longer until I have somehow forgotten about it, then I made the biggest mistake of my life by being overtaken by my feelings and finally hurting people. It had to take sometime before I was able to gain my composure and be crystal clear of how I really wanted it to be according to my convictions in life. And then suddenly I find myself mesmerize by this person. The first time, I wanted to be sure that she really was worth the look. I realized that she had this focus on doing what she wants to do and that is impressive. She know what she wants in life and has the discipline to do it. Of course, she was pretty and yes she carries a tune. To put it simply, I was impressed and I just felt that this is it. I started to contemplate on things eventually telling myself that she was indeed the ONE. Upon further contemplation I realized that it was time to let God do His miracle. Realizing that my feelings are in its proper place and that I know what my heart says it was then up to God to clear the way and do His magic. I am not comfortable with it. Really, I have this thought that maybe she'll meet another guy or maybe she'll just completely forget about me but then I realized that if I think that she is so perfect and for God she's still not then only two things could happen it's either God will make her perfect or someone a lot better is in store for me. As for now, I'm learning surrender. I'm learning that the most important things in our life has to be entrusted to the person who knows what is best for all of us. What happens next is something I truly do not know, but then the universe will conspire to make it happen... and I really believe that a miracle will happen. I'll keep on praying...

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