Thursday, September 07, 2006

Cancelled break, happy state and other things

Academic Break for me is definitely off. Yesterday, the First Sergeant informed me that I am definitely not going on break this October. Of course I felt bad, who wouldn't want to get some reprieve on the monotony of life inside this Academy, but since I knew beforehand that it was possible I already started preparing myself for the eventuality and so as I was seated on my chair, I just accepted my fate. I will not be able to go to Daddy's Camp in Mindanao, I will not be able to visit friends, I won't be able to buy the new camera I was saving money for and I will not be able to use it for this year's Pintaflores in San Carlos. I'm now thinking of all the fun I can get "touring" the PMA grounds and making sure no intruder will come in. I am thinking of having my cyst removed and relaxing within the confines of the hospital. Well, I'm hoping that something good might come out of this experience.
I still am happy despite of my cancelled break. I do not know if it is just me but somehow the effect isn't that bad. Even as I write this entry I am not thinking of the break I will be missing but rather someone I am missing. I guess my moment of acceptance the past days triggered so much emotions that were held back and suddenly opened up which might have caused my happy state. But then again, I just do not know, I am just contented with the way things are happening. I also realize that there is some form of freedom that one experiences that comes with acceptance of things, just as my acceptance of the feelings I am having.
With so many people very much preoccupied with how things should be done on matters of the heart, sometimes it becomes the focus rather than the state of being in love itself. A long time ago one acquaintance ask me the simple question "Ano ang ginawa kong mali?" I did not know how to answer the question, I felt that it wasn't supposed to be asked because personally I feel that love is solely based on hope. I mean we can so so many things but ultimately we can just hope that it will turn out well. I believe there is no clear cut formula and that I stand on the principle that it is simply believing that it will endure despite of the challenges life has to offer. This is not to say that we can not do anything, of course we should do our share but in the end we do not have the choice but to believe. And so I go with that already in place, I would like to think that rather than cracking our heads scrutinizing everything hoping to understand why certain things happen we should be more into the reality that we experienced being in the state of love. I am not saying I do not want things to happen the way I imagine it but I am fully convinced that it is never about me, if God decides for it to happen then I will be forever thankful (I can just imagine the "huh??" look on the people reading this hehehe). I am happy that I am able to experience being in the state and will continue to do so but am still fully convinced that it will come in God's time.
Other things
  • I am being asked to write a story for this year's 100 Night Show and no good idea is still coming out of my mind, if you have suggestions kindly use the contact form on the side
  • I do not have a good read since March and I am looking for suggestions
  • The Corps Magazine will come out later this month... just wait for it...

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