Saturday, October 06, 2007

Has love become a fearful thing?

What is it really with women? It has been long since I wrote something that has to do with people from the opposite sex but today, I just have to vent it out.

I have developed this habit of really scrutinizing every detail of people I meet especially the women. A few months ago, I received this letter from an unknown lady. It was a card that said that she saw my name and address at a 20 peso bill and wondered if the person was true. I thought that it was funny but did not do anything about it. A few days after, I gave the number that she wrote on the card to a classmate, I think they are text mates now.

And then there are of course my circle of friends that I meet every now and then. Well, I do meet a lot of people but seldom do I make it a point to really be friends with them. The reason is that I just feel bad knowing that I will have to stay inside these camp and will never enjoy their company. Such was the case of this young lady I met. She wasn't an exception to that rule but for some reason, I found myself becoming really friends with her. Not that there is more to it its just that when I do become friends with people, I become so engrossed and really make it a point that I appreciate the people that they are in my life. I do not believe in love (as in romantic) coming out of nowhere and do not think that by showing affection to people it simply means that you are romantically interested with them. The thing is "assuming naman sya" I should have known better.

I had this debate with a friend a few years back. Also one of the closest I have, she said that sometimes because of the way I do things and my obvious affinity to those of the female gender, they think that when I begin to open up and really make them feel that I appreciate them they feel like I am going to court them (excuse me!!!). Do I just stop showing affection to people altogether for fear of their assumptions or do I continue to do what I do?

I am confused really, how come some people are just afraid of affection? How come they refuse to believe on the good thing of people telling them that they like the kind of person that they are... What is happening to this world? Has love become a fearful thing?


Anonymous said...

I got quite confused with your blog...affectionate ka naman pala eh! I thought it's hard to show emotions once you've been through the trainings in the academy? Or, didn't I just get the point? Ü

I know this is an unsolicited opinion...but just the same I'm gonna say it. I would suggest for you to just be yourself. If you are truly an affectionate person, then it's not your problem that you are being misinterpreted by some women. I had a similar experience before and I never blamed my guy barkada for being so "affectionate". I almost fell for him...or it could be that I already did. Then one day, he came up to me and told me he wanted to tell me something. Akala ko..."eto na...eto na..."...ayun pala, meron syang good news about a girl that he's been wanting to court and he just badly needed my advice, that's all. Ang galing di ba? But life goes on, and like I said, I didn't blame him for being so nice and caring to me. I had to blame myself, actually, for being so assuming. So, I learned my lesson, and then I became a better person.

Don't worry about hurting them for not acting as they anticipated...don't worry about being "just a friend" when they think that with the way you act, you really seem like you are more than that. It's just a phase that a girl needs to go through to become a woman. Everything's a learning process. Yes it will hurt, but it shall pass.

Love hasn't become a fearful thing. The 'hurting feeling caused by that' is actually the culprit. The sad part is, we can't really separate those two; we just need to learn to accept that they really go together and they work in a vicious cycle. With love comes sacrifice, and we just need to be strong in our commitment in order to endure.

I think it's extremely not possible to love without hurting, and to hurt without loving. What is normal is this: to love even when hurting.

As for me, I'd rather experience them both...rather than experience no love at all.

So, just let people learn coz they need to... and just be yourself. =)

As the joke says, "It's not your problem's their problem anymore." =P

You need not post this comment. Sorry I couldn't choose to email you instead. Thanks.

alex said...

Actually on certain cases you go numb at being affectionate but I think I have been aware of that so I try not to forget how it goes, I just know when to be one.

Anyway, I have to disagree in saying that love and hurt always go together. I believe that hurt is not hurt anymore when it happens in the context of love. The trouble with your definition is that we tend to think that hurt is part of love and so when we do feel hurt we dismiss it as a natural phenomenon rather than understand why there is hurt in the first place believing that it is part of it. That begins a long cycle of unresolved issues that eventually lead to the break-up of a loving relationship. I am more into the understanding that love is who we are and that it is inevitable, as I always say we can never quantify our ability to love people we just have to decide to do it. The truth is we hurt because out of our imperfection we can not really give love perfectly enough to eliminate the hurt factor, but the magic of live is still we continue to persevere, continue to hope and that is the reason why it does not fail.

Anyway, about the girl I am talking about, I think she has had experiences with people that led her to fear people who show her affection... well let us just see what happens...

Thanks for visiting

Anonymous said...

I acknowledge that you had to disagree and I think I get your point. Perhaps we mean the same thing, only that we've considered it in two different perspectives. I think it's just not easy to explain...or it could be that I'm just too lazy to do so. But yes, I got your point. =)

Oh and about the girl...she'll realize that she'll have to face her fears one of these days. It's never gonna be too late unless the guy who shows her such true meaning of 'affection' gives up the fight. =)