I was not able to attend my Lolo's Wake, nor was I able to be with my wife on her birthday. I am starting to condition myself that I may not be able to be with my wife also for our third wedding anniversary on the 27th. I am counting the days since I last saw my family. I was finally convinced that counting it will add more to my agony and will just make me focuse on loneliness rather than the job that I have to do.
I am admitting that stress is catching up on me. I believe that my focus is still there but my body is starting to complain. Yesterday, I scolded a classmate over SMS. He realized that I was already being stressed and simply said: "Magpahinga ka kasi." I wanted to heed his advice but doing so will allow the loneliness to seep into my system and perhaps might just do more harm than good. Besides, there is no visible hope of me yet being able to at least take a break from everything that I am doing now. And as my fingers type the words in this blog now I try my best to deal with my situation. The good thing is that, next month is May. For those of us in the Army, May is when the mid year bonus is being given. The bonus, although already allocated for in my Family's finances, somehow gives me the feeling of being rewarded for the jobe that I am doing.
A few days back, I heard some gossip that the Army constantly meeting with people in the community is already a hassle to them. I guess no matter how good the intentions are, complains will be inevitable. Anyway, as I was speaking to the people in one of my constant interactions with them, I told them my misery. I told them frankly how it is more of a hassle to all of us being so distant from our own families. I expressed my frustration that while they are being taken cared of by the Army that I represent, I can not even kiss my wife for her birthday. And so the cycle goes on and on. While I try to avoid the longing that I feel for the people that I love, it comes back to me through the people that I try my best to serve. In the end I decided to just do whatever is it that I have to do, I know the time will come for me to see my family and enjoy that elusive rest. For now, this blog is just a way to express how I am feeling right now. I am just being me now, I am just being a normal person.
God Bless everyone