In the ARMY: you just have to do it to understand

I woke up the next day with more red marks on my legs. The mosquitoes were indeed successful in making sure that I will remember them when I go back to my room in Baguio. They will sure be that constant reminder for me not to complain again while I sleep on my five inch mattress. As I was walking out of the bunker to urinate, I hear the sentinel at the front gate shout, "Andyan na sila." He was referring to my classmates who just conducted their first Combat Patrol. Later in the afternoon, it will be my turn.

A Combat Patrol is a routine activity of any combat unit in the Army. It is usually done, to check an area for any enemy activity and of course as a way to make the presence of the Army be felt in the community they are located. Not that is militarization as most leftist organizations would put it, its simply part of the jobs that they had to perform, the same as cops going around the city. Unlike the Combat Patrol we do in PMA, there is 101% certainty that there is no enemy. We do not have live ammunition and the emphasis is more on the way the patrol is done. We are expected to show that we learned the process in conducting one. In PMA, we conduct this patrol with other cadets, who, for most of the time consider this exercise a waste of time. The Patrol I will be conducting on the other hand will be very much different. For one, I will be conducting it in an area that is hostile. I will be doing it with Enlisted Personnel (the privates, corporals and others). The good thing is that I have live bullets loaded in my gun and the fearful thing is that... its the real thing. I was told by my OIC, if you are engaged (as in fired upon by the enemy) you will have to be the officer there. It wasn't like I did not know what to do when fired upon, I practically memorized the procedures to be done. In a manner of speaking, theoretically, I know more about Military Tactics than the soldiers that I will be leading in the Patrol. But the truth is, I have never been face to face with danger. I have not experienced being fired upon by live bullets, I was simply a student of soldiery with no combat experience.

The time came, although I tried to look calm, my heart was pounding. At the back of my mind I knew that the area I will be patrolling on is less likely to have enemy forces, but still there is this chance of meeting the enemy and although low, I was afraid. The Corporal in front of me was a confident one, he kept on telling me stories of his exploits and pointed to me places that he remembered encountering the NPAs. Behind me was a five-month old private, he was simply silent. Inside my head, I was thinking of the many scenarios I learned, I was on the lookout for advantageous positions in case of any eventuality. I was very observant and became fearful of people that we meet along the way. I did not realize that we were already entering the front gate back to the Company Headquarters.

My first real Combat Patrol is finished. When I graduate next year I know I will have more of that but as my OIC would put it, the first time is always the most fearsome. The lesson I learned is not anything near to being brave. I learned that the only way to understand the reality of the things that are to come is to simply do it. My first combat patrol wasn't that exciting. All we did was walk until we were able to return to the base. But I know that when the time comes for me to look back and recount memories that I will remember, I'm sure the experience will be one. Understanding how the soldiers I was with can sleep at night doing these patrols every now and then is difficult especially when you know the danger you will be facing. But unlike the many concepts that we learn in school (even those not in the military), the best lessons in life are those that were borne out of experience. To understand the importance and value of things comes through experiencing these things first hand.

When I conducted my Combat Patrol last Field Training Exercise a few days ago, I had with me the understanding of the importance of what I was doing. Although this was a simulated scenario, this isn't just an exercise to have a good grade, this time around, this is my time to learn and be prepared for the real thing.

To be continued

In the ARMY: Getting in terms with reality

So I begin to write after a very long absence. I did not realize that I was not able to say goodbye until I was already out of the Internet world. But then, the beauty of my hiatus is that I was able to gain more insight on my life in general and so the blogging continues.

A while ago, I started to write about the events that have happened in the more than 20 days I was out. I started to recall how I hated the climate at Fort Magsaysay and wishing that I will not be assigned in that area. But then I realized there was more to what has become of me beyond the heat I endured, I could say that I am a different person now.

I never thought that I will realize it this early but while I was away, I realized I was right in choosing to join the Army. I remember last March when I started to entertain the thought of making the wrong decision at choosing the branch of service I will join. Although I knew what I was going into, I wasn't sure that I really was up for it or if my decision was guided by divine wisdom. But I did choose carrying with me that uncertainty and a glimmer of hope that in time I will understand.

The Army, at least our Philippine Army, is not that glamorous as those that we see in war movies. Ours, as one officer would put it, was "laging kulang sa resources pero laging sobra sa trabaho." It wasn't good to hear that from a veteran soldier and as I try my best to bear with the scorching heat, my doubts grew, maybe I was wrong. The experience was compounded by road runs in full battle gear still under the terrible heat of the sun, I just wanted to collapse. But then again, I was already there and I clinged to that glimmer of hope I knew was there when I made my choice about a month ago. When I came to the Infantry Battallion I was assigned to for On the Job Training, I was met with a dilapidated barracks full of mosquitoes. To top it all, I hear the encouraging words of my Officer in Charge: "Maganda na tong Barracks na to, sa ibang units mas malala pa dito." There goes a good Army encouragement.

But then again, people do not stay in the Army for the reasons that made me feel bad about my choice. Though I wonder the implication of the choice I made, at the back of my mind is this feeling of assurance knowing that my father made the Army his career. So I continued.

The bunker I occupied in the Rifle Company I went to was no different from the barracks I had in the Battallion Headquarters. The only significant difference was that the mosquitoes were bigger and fiercer. In the first night, I immersed myself with reading the documents recovered during enemy raids and for a few hours I forgot all the complains I had and became completely into the heads of the rebels I will be fighting. The documents varied from poems, songs of both mainstream and revolutionary themes, their activities and believe it or not, unsent letters to their loved ones expressing their longings. Somehow, I could feel the humanity of the people that I will fight when the time comes. More than the ideologies that they were fighting for, I felt the uneasiness realizing that like me, they too are human beings.

Later into the night, I came face to face with a rebel who has returned into the arms of the government. His stories were glaring and although he was once fighting the government, like the people I vowed to protect, he was also lied upon by the same ideology that he once fought for. I realized that the people that I fight are also the same people that I protect.

The day ended with me retiring to the comforts of the hard surface that was to become my bed. I had to cover my ears so as not to be distracted by the constant murmuring of the insects around me probably conspiring to torment me in my sleep. There goes the beginning of my life in the Army.

to be continued...

Announcement

I just got back from Fort Magsaysay last night sorry for not saying goodbye but I promise to update as soon as possible...

The Mother's day that came and passed

I received all types of text messages yesterday for mother's day. They were telling me to greet my mother. My reply was "Patay na nga nanay ko eh."

Not to be rude or anything but come on my mother is dead, I do not want people reminding me that the second Sunday of May is the day for someone I have lost a long time ago. I'm sorry if I had to react that way, if people were on my shoes what would they do?

You see, I have not always been a person who remembered occasions like father's day, mother's day or any day for that matter. Its not that I am insensitive but its not just me to make a big deal about days that the world has declared to be the day of someone special in our lives. Of course, I do love the special people in my life, but I simply do not get the point of making a day special, I would like to think that because they are special, everyday should be their day.

Case #1

As I was walking in Public market yesterday with a friend, we were discussion about the so many things she wants to do for her mother. I respect the fact that she does want her mother to feel special, but then I told her, if I was a mother, it won't matter if I do not receive anything for mother's day as long as I have children I can be proud of.

Case #2

I was chatting the other day with yet another friend. She told me: "Ay manghihingi pala ako ng pero kay mommy para may pambili ako ng gift para sa kanya." I thought she was being cruel.

Please do not get me wrong people. I am not against people trying to make the effort to make someone feel special. I really do think that once in a while we have to tell people how much we appreciate them. I guess that is basically the reason why our culture has introduced the concept of mother's day (and all other's days). But then the thing is that for most of us it has become merely a day to make someone feel special rather than be reminded that we have someone special in our life. I suggest that these days should not be excuses to give out flowers to people that we care about but rather, these days should be our reminder that we have special people in our lives.

For a mother who has sacrificed so much for her children, everyday should be mother's day. I believe that the greatest gift a child can gift to his or her mother is to simply be a person that she can be proud of.

To all the children our there, I hope mother's day does not stop when the date changed yesterday.

To all the mothers... Happy mother's day...

Finally, to my deceased mother, I know I have not been always good, but I know when the time comes for us to meet again, I will tell you stories about the life that I lived and that you will be happy to hear all of it. I love you Mommy, I hope you knew that when you left us.

The kid that I used to know

Finding a childhood friend in Friendster kind of reminded me of the many childhood memories I had. I can not help it but laugh at the so many things that happened in childhood that I do not seem to care about so much but in fact, are happy memories. Well to the friends who were part of those memories, here is a trip down memory lane.

I do not remembering living in any other house other than the one that we have now in Lower Antipolo but I was told we transferred there when I was two years old. Considering that our subdivision was a housing project of the AFPMBAI, most of those who live there are either in the Military or in the Police. Its not really a wonder why this place is called Katarungan Village.

I still do not understand why little children just can't be told to stop playing. In our house there was a simple rule, sleep in the afternoon and you can only go out after three in the afternoon. For some reason I do not want to sleep and I will just stare outside from the window waiting for the time I can go out. Then my aunt sees me looks me over and discovers that I did not take the required afternoon nap, suddenly I am not allowed to go out and I spend the rest of the afternoon staring at the window, ogling at the kids playing outside. The next day the same thing happens and I begin to wonder what is it that my aunt is looking for to say that I have taken my nap. After sometime, I discovered it was the eyes. When she looks me over shortly before I am allowed to go out, she will look for the "sleeping signs" on my eyes. Well that was easy, after sometime I was sure that I will go out every three in the afternoon. Shortly before three, about five minutes before my aunt will begin her inspection, I would push my face to the sofa. After a few minutes, I will pretend to be groggy and as I look up to my aunt, I have the "sleeping signs."

And then there was this fascination about super powers at a time when I idolized the likes of Bioman, Maskman all those Japanese kid shows. Well, I too have my super powers (ha ha). I was with my other playmates, of course there were also five of us, all the others become sidekicks. We did what normal kids do, pretend that we were grown ups (that have super powers that is). Walk around the village as if we own it, fight with one another just to end up playing together again. I guess all kids have been through that stage.

In our little community, it was as if life was not a problem and all we cared about was to be able to play the next day with our playmates. At the time when the country was suffering from power shortage and there was brown-out everyday, we loved it. We loved it because we will be allowed to go out at night and play hide and seek. During the 1989 coup, when tanks were around our village so that the rebel soldiers can not go home to their families (as I said almost everyone in our village were either in the Police or the Military), we played just the same while our fathers are out there fighting each other. The truth is I loved it because I can brag at school that there are tanks in our village. It's funny how things can be so simple for little kids.

I wish I did not grow up, but I did and soon all of us seemed like strangers. Each of us either developed new circles of friends, moved to another place or just be contented at staying at home and watching TV. We do not fight anymore because we barely talked and every once in a while we see each other waiting for a ride going out of the village, we just nod at each other and that's it. Every now and then we get to talk about things but its as if everyone is just trying to live life and be controlled by it, I wonder how it came to that.

Yesterday, I was browsing through different Friendster accounts when I recognized a familiar pretty face. I could feel her super powers(ngeks), she was one of the "chosen" five who were gifted with the power to be like Bioman. Considering my isolation and lack of social life in this place, it was something that gave me so much joy, I was just so happy to find a childhood friend that I have not seen in almost ten years. Well, our lives are different now, she seems to be leaning into becoming a member of the millionaire's club while I'm becoming a soldier, just like our dads. I reminded her how I used to make her cry and call her all sorts of names and its good that she did not remember most of it. Other than that, for the first time in so many years, I remembered how fun it was to be a kid. Its not like I hate the fact that I have to worry about how I am going to have enough savings for my future, how I am going to live this life independently and be a productive member of society. Its more of going back to the simple joys of being able to play with friends and not caring about the power problems of the country. Or bragging about tanks and be the center of attention at a time when the country's government is in deep trouble, or simply having super powers. I realized that as we grew and our lives became more and more complicated, we have forgotten the simple joys that we enjoyed as little children. Somehow, I could say that these memories remain in our hearts for the reason that in all of the challenges we face each day, we have to take the backseat and enjoy the little joys of life.

Thanks Thea for reminding me :)