Meet APATHY

I just spent the whole day facilitating a Planning Workshop for the people's organization of Don Mariano Marcos. In the past almost two months, I have been busy going from one purok to another, talking to the people and teaching them how they can control their economy and be productive citizens for the community. The activity is part of the Peace and Development Outreach Program (PDOP), a program that aims to stimulate development in the community through community participation and citizenry skill enhancement. During the activity, I was again able to encounter pessimism, distrust, selfishness and just plain apathy. More importantly also, I came face to face with hope, perseverance, commitment and nationalism. I am proud to report that there is more of the latter in Barangay Don Mariano Marcos than the former.

But then again, this is not to say that the negativism of the people does not affect me. The truth is, although there is a good chance of success in our undertaking in this community, one person's apathy can just dissolve whatever good vibe that has been built up by the many others. It brings a frustration that just overwhelms whatever commitment and perseverance I have mustered to come to this day. Looking at the blank screen of my laptop after draining my phone's battery talking to my beautiful wife (whom I miss so much) I contemplate on finding inspiration for the coming days that I will continue my service as a soldier.

I look back at the time when I first developed this feeling about four years ago. It was in another barangay in Toril District, Davao City. The young and dashing, bold and daring ruggedly handsome newly graduated lieutenant Cabales was first deployed in a community called Atan-owe. The place was apparently named after two pioneering families that first settled there: the Atan's and the Owe's. The Barangay Captain at that time was a descendant of the Atan's and carried the last name. Although the Barangay was founded on the obvious understanding of the two pioneering families, times have changed. I was there at the time when this understanding was just part of ancient history that was changed by the power struggle that occured between the two. The struggle for power in the community led to a bitter rivalry that caught the community in the crossfire. The rivalry was so great that one party can not fathom any good to say about the other. Out of that desperation to cling to power, they have resorted to sell their souls to the insurgency. This was what destroyed the community, my first assignment.

The next community was a drastic change together with the change of the whole Mindanao situation. August 2008 was the time when the peace talks with the MILF bogged down. It was also the time when Ameril Umbra Kato attacked Maasim Municipal Hall in Sarangani Province. I arrived in October after a large MILF camp has been captured by the government forces and our immediate task was to expedite the return to normalcy of the community. After my company conducted a retraining, I was sent to my first combat operation in this unit. It was November 14, and shortly after we were dropped by our vehicles, the same vehicles was bombed as they returned to our Battalion Headquarters. Two died and I spent the next day chasing after leads on the whereabouts of the perpetrator of that atrocity. It was my first brush with death. The vehicle that exploded was the same vehicle that I boarded on the way to our drop off point. In the months that followed that incident, my major accomplishment was cultivating the Culture of Peace to the communities affected by the Muslim-Christian conflict. Teaching the people about religious tolerance and sensitivity, I was again met by apathy.

After more or less 15 communities taught, I was then assigned in a place called Barangay Kinam in Malapatan, Sarangani Province. The communist insurgency has destroyed the little hope that was left in the people there that apathy was more prevalent than the virtues that improve our existence. Ironically, it was there that I gained so much insight in the importance of my job as a soldier. From there, I was sent to even poorer communities in Don Marcelino, Davao Del Sur and some other communities in South Cotabato, still apathy prevailed.

I am now here in Davao Oriental, although apathy still meets me, I could say that hope greets me more often these days. By some twist of fate, the odds are turning towards me and somehow my experience with apathy has led me to muster more perseverance and commitment, enough to stop it from stopping me from doing what I have to do. Earlier, my conversation with another government work that helped facilitated today's activity, expressed to me her own frustration as she met apathy. Surprisingly, I was able to easily tell her that it is not something to be worry about. I told her what I learned in the past four years, we can only do so much and apathy was not something we can change that easily. It was something that had to begin from the hearts of the people we have committed to serve.

Today, I write this as an acceptance of that fact. But also, I write this to remind myself that no amount of apathy can change how I feel towards the work that I do. I write this wishing that apathy will not again frustrate me the way that I did today, I write this as a commitment to serve. So help me God.

Just being ME

I was not able to attend my Lolo's Wake, nor was I able to be with my wife on her birthday. I am starting to condition myself that I may not be able to be with my wife also for our third wedding anniversary on the 27th. I am counting the days since I last saw my family. I was finally convinced that counting it will add more to my agony and will just make me focuse on loneliness rather than the job that I have to do.

I am admitting that stress is catching up on me. I believe that my focus is still there but my body is starting to complain. Yesterday, I scolded a classmate over SMS. He realized that I was already being stressed and simply said: "Magpahinga ka kasi." I wanted to heed his advice but doing so will allow the loneliness to seep into my system and perhaps might just do more harm than good. Besides, there is no visible hope of me yet being able to at least take a break from everything that I am doing now. And as my fingers type the words in this blog now I try my best to deal with my situation. The good thing is that, next month is May. For those of us in the Army, May is when the mid year bonus is being given. The bonus, although already allocated for in my Family's finances, somehow gives me the feeling of being rewarded for the jobe that I am doing.

A few days back, I heard some gossip that the Army constantly meeting with people in the community is already a hassle to them. I guess no matter how good the intentions are, complains will be inevitable. Anyway, as I was speaking to the people in one of my constant interactions with them, I told them my misery. I told them frankly how it is more of a hassle to all of us being so distant from our own families. I expressed my frustration that while they are being taken cared of by the Army that I represent, I can not even kiss my wife for her birthday. And so the cycle goes on and on. While I try to avoid the longing that I feel for the people that I love, it comes back to me through the people that I try my best to serve. In the end I decided to just do whatever is it that I have to do, I know the time will come for me to see my family and enjoy that elusive rest. For now, this blog is just a way to express how I am feeling right now. I am just being me now, I am just being a normal person.

God Bless everyone

Lolo Saqueo's Legacy

I spent the day hiding my sadness over the passing of my Lolo Saqueo. My work has taught me not to be affected by personal circumstances. It’s a very busy week for Don Mariano Marcos as classes are ending with closing ceremonies. As for me, having to provide inspiration for the community to appreciate the value of education has brought me again to the thought of my Lolo. As I was trying to compose my thoughts for the talk I will give the sadness occupies me.

This year’s theme for the ending of school is “The Gift of Education, a tool for Nation Building.” Although I can very well discuss this topic, I felt this was an opportunity to honor my Lolo. My speech goes:

"Today marks the end of another school year. A capping of another year of hardwork and perseverance moving forward towards greater heights in nurturing the minds of our youth. Connecting the value of education to nation building is a difficult task but I will try to do this by telling you a story. A story of my Grandfather, my Lolo Saqueo.

My Lolo came from Ibajay, Aklan. This was a small town in the province of Aklan who prides itself as being the origin of the famous Ati-Ati Festival every January. At the time of my grandfather’s youth, this was a place with very limited opportunities which prompted him to look for greener pastures. His plan was simple, to get an education.

In those days, it was San Carlos City of Negros that had some prominence. This was the time when Negros became the sugar capital, all thanks to the booming sugar industry in San Carlos. San Carlos became a city precisely due to the growth brought about by this industry. My lolo studied at a school called Colegio de Sta. Rita. It was from that school that he got his Bachelor’s degree to become a teacher. To say that education was a gift was an understatement to the blessing it brought my clan. When he was already settled as a public school teacher, he took it upon himself to send his younger sister to school. She also became a teacher.

My lolo’s value for education was then passed on to his children as he also ensured that all his children will get their own degrees. My father benefited from that and graduated from the Philippine Military Academy in 1979. My aunts and uncles all had degrees.

Today, people regard me as a successful person. They think of me as some lucky person who has a good paying job and enjoys the luxuries of a fulfilling career. But let me state that, by the grace of God, whatever it is that you think I am blessed is merely a result of the hardwork of one Saqueo Cabales, a long time ago who had the foresight to see education as his key to success. This was the same key that I also enjoy now and will pass on to the next generation of my family.

To the parents, let me remind you that more than anything else, it is your job to nurture your children and ensure that they are educated. If you cannot see education as a means to success just look at me now. I am a product of a dream of one man whose effort is still being rewarded two generations after. You may not be able to see that success now in your life but perhaps it will come to your children and to your grandchildren. Education is an experience that happens even outside the classrooms. Do not depend on the teachers at the school for the education of your children; you should also take the active role to educate your children through your nurturing..."

I went on to reiterate the importance of the role of parents to the education of their children and ended with a congratulations to everybody. I originally intended to say that my lolo has passed away but held back after realizing that saying it will cause the tears that I have been holding on to fall.

Unlike my other siblings, I did not have much of wonderful memories with my Lolo. For various reasons that is not worth remembering, I did not have the luxury of really discovering the personality of my grandfather especially in his younger days. But my father made up for it through his own experiences with Lolo. My father idolized my Lolo so much that it was all he could talk about when he reminisces his childhood. From these stories, I developed my sense of family, something that has lingered in the way I am now as a husband to Abegail and father to Star. It was from these stories that I drew up the dictum: never quit on family.

His legacy is raising a Family name that can be worn with pride. His legacy is a diverse group of individuals who will stick to each other even if they do not necessarily agree with each other. His legacy is a family that will provide undying support to each other without counting or waiting for rewards. Thank you very much Lolo, you will be surely missed.

We are almost THREE

I have been trying very hard to write an entry for the past days. I have been writing about the things that I am doing conducting Peace and Development Outreach Program (PDOP) in Barangay Don Mariano Marcos so thought that maybe I can go on with the topic. Several drafts after, I still have not written something worthy of publishing. I thought this must be due to the stress I have been realizing lately with so many things to do in my so-called little kingdom. This morning, I had a headache and did not do much other than give instructions for the reports that I have to accomplish. Logging on to the internet, I saw a familiar title on a Facebook Picture a high school classmate posted. She was about to give birth and the title of the photo she posted was: And then there was three.

Two years ago,  I use the same title on a post about the birth of my little girl, Star. The FB photo bought me back to that blogpost that reminded me the wonderful feeling I had when I became a father. Today, that little girl is two years old and has developed a liking to anything that is Barbie. I figured that with so many things that I am doing right now, I have to reconnect with those that I value the most: My family who is several miles away. While I try my best to do a good job at PDOP, I should remind myself of the wonderful life I am building, a life with a beautiful wife and a bubbly daughter that I promised to give a good life. When things become so hectic, our priorities seem to become fuzzy and somehow, God reminds us with something (a headache perhaps, or a high school classmate about to give birth) that reminds us of the path we choose. In the past days, I have been feeling guilty of not being able to talk to my wife that much as I am mostly in meetings or too tired to talk. I have seem to forgot how I defined love as an action word, a conscious effort to let the other person know that she is loved.

Today, we are discussing moving to a house in General Santos. All these years my wife and daughter has settled in their old house in Kiamba, Sarangani as I am mostly away on assignments.Talking to my wife about the arrangements for this new development, I am excited that we are gradually progressing as a family. Last year we started paying off two adjacent lots in a housing project within General Santos City and the goal now is to be able to pay it in full within the year. As I write this blog, I am being tickled inside by the goodness of God in the way He has guided my family.

I think more than anything, I should be writing about how God has made things well for me and my family. The struggles that we had in the past two years are merely blurry memories that brought us to the happy state that we are now. I am thankful that God is perfecting me to become a loving husband and father to my growing family.

Next week, my wife will be celebrating her 26th birthday. Last year, I was able to come home at around 12 midnight in time for her birthday as I just came from an activity somewhere in Davao del Sur. I am hoping now that we will be able to celebrate it together this year. Later on the month also will be our 3rd wedding anniversary. Last year, I was somewhere in the mountains and failed to find the cellphone signal to be able to greet her on our special day. This year, I am praying hard that circumstances will be in our favor. We have never celebrated a wedding anniversary together. Well, God is still good and he is good all the time. I am crossing my finger that my wish will be granted, but whatever happens, I am thankful for the family that He has given me and will trust that He will see this family through according to His will.

All in a Day's Work

I had some interesting talk with a few of my troops after we had our usual meetings to plan out or future activities. As what I usually do, I spend time explaining to them why we do what we do if only to inspire some commitment in the kind of work that they deliver to the people that we serve. Anyway, our discussion came to the various activities that we have been doing in the Barangay, from the Water System Project that we just turned over to the local residents this afternoon up to the Cooperative we are in the process of organizing in the same Barangay. I told them the incident that happened just this morning. Well at least allow me to tell the whole story including its background.

Last thursday, I decided to go to Davao City and try to learn some more about organizing a cooperative. I have been toiling for this project in the past weeks and after reading almost all available material on the topic I can find from the Internet, it was just time for me to ask the experts. I went to the regional office of the Cooperative Development Authority in Davao City. I was impressed by how accomodating they were plus an enchanting conversation with one of the staff whom I had the terrible mistake of not asking who she was in the Office (she just might be the BOSS). Well, I came out of the office with more vigor in really pushing through with the project although I also made some realization as to difficult it would be as I was formally schooled about the actual problems they have encountered.

And so, armed with that new knowledge, I was looking forward to a wonderful meeting with the potential cooperative last night only to be met with a disappointing attendance. I was able to overcome being hsyterical about it, thinking that it was normal since I was actually trying to introduce something new to the community. In the end, we were able to come up with a working plan on how to move forward with the agreement of fixing our attendance problem.

Today, I made a call to the Muncipal Cooperative Development Officer of Lupon, Davao Oriental. Although it is still too early to pass judgment but this is how the conversation happened:

Woman: Hello

Me: Yes ma'am, ako po si Lt Cabales of 28IB, I was referred by a personnel from Cooperative Development Authority in Davao and I was told that you were the one to be asked about my concerns

Woman: Ano po ba yun sir, kung information lang po ang kailangan nyo maganda po kausapin nyo yung taga CDA talaga

Me: Galing nga po ako ng CDA ang sabi nila kayo raw po ang makakatulong sa akin

Woman: Ano pala gusto nyong gawin sir

Me: Nag oorganize nga po ako ng cooperative and I wante to know on how do I make arrangements for a pre membership seminar for the group that I am organizing as a cooperative

Woman: Hindi kasi ako sir ang nag bibigay nyan, tanong kayo sa iba

Me; Kayo naman po kasi ang rinefer sa akin, I'm sure kung hindi kayo dapat meron kayong marerefer sa akin kasi I was told that you were the point person when it comes to cooperatives in the Municipality.

Woman: Ay sige sir kailan ba ang plano nyo?

Me; Yun nga eh kaya I really need to talk it out kasi po itong grupo na inoorganize ko ay mga Habal Habal Drivers (Motorcycle drivers) so wala po silang time to have the seminar during the day kasi oras po yan ng paghahanap buhay nila, gusto ko po sana gabi

Woman: Ay hindi pwede yan sir after office hours na yan

Me: Yun nga po kaya gusto kong makausap kasi naman para naman pong mali na hindi natin kaya silang i accomodate ng ganung oras eh gusto nga natin silang tulungan tapos kailangan pala hwag silang mag hanap buhay para lang matulungan natin sila

Woman: After office hours na kasi yan sir

Me: Ma'am diba po taga gobyerno tayo, para namang sinasabi natin sa kanila na hwag na munang kumain yung pamilya nila para maka attend sila ng seminar na kailangan nila para matulungan sila ng gobyerno. Ang tingin ko po dapat tayo ang mag adjust kaya nga po sana pag usapan natin.

Woman: wala na kasing trabaho nyan sir

Me: (by this time if she was in front of me I would have slapped her) Ganito na lang po ma'am punta na lang po ako dyan para mapag usapan po nating ng maayos yung concern ko

Woman: Sige sir (then immediately puts the phone down).

I was able to finally connect to the Provincial Cooperative Office who was in fact more accomodating and I think is more professional. Again I am not passing judgment on her (God Bless her Soul) but if only our government workers put some form of commitment in what they do maybe we have less problems. For me now, I will go one, move forward, in the end all of these things are just part of a day's work.