Sunday, April 10, 2005

Crying on weddings

I did not cry on the wedding that's for sure, but I saw two of the most unlikely people to cry. I started to wonder how weddings in the family can allow people to just be emotional. When I gave the toast, I made it a point that I will have to tell kuya not to mess up and to learn from our lessons growing up. I also pointed out how we should stick together, the three of us, no matter what happens. I do not know what happened but when the others started saying their own piece they were kind of emotional until Daddy spoke. I realized then that although it may seem that Daddy is so proud of himself, so arrogant not to accept his mistakes as a father, he was simply trying to convince himself. That deep inside he knew what he did was terribly wrong and for the first time, I heard him admit his shortcomings in public. I think for all parents that is so sad to admit. I mean, you stand in front of so many people, most of which know you very well and there say that you were not so good in raising your children. Maybe around this time when the three of us are starting to be independent, live our own lives and try to be the best adults we can be, daddy is starting to realize how much he has lost by doing what he did. For one, I think he has realized how much distant the three of us to him especially Alvin and that somehow I think no matter what he does he will never be able to change the fact that Alvin has so much resentment for him and that although Alvin is trying his best to treat Daddy the way a father should be treated, they just do not know each other. I think what made Daddy shed some tear was that despite of everything that he has done or has not done as a father, the three of us came out to be actually good people. In the absence of a mother who has to go some place so that she can support us, amidst growing up by ourselves, committing mistakes that we could have avoided had there been an adult to supervise how we go about things, we came out good individuals and shall I say better than others who have had a normal childhood. The truth of the matter is, I'm damn proud that it had to be that hard. Now I think, what could be harder. And so the wedding is over and in a little while I will go back to Baguio City and go on being a Cadet. I go back to marching, studying and all other stuff but I did enjoy this little vacation. Events like this really makes you want to be better.
  • I had a very nice time with people that culminated at around 6:30 in the morning. The thing is I wasn't drunk, the closest thing to alcohol that came inside my system was Cali
  • I bought books... books again

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