Saturday, May 14, 2005

I miss the people

To day I received a testimonial from another of my favorite cousins. The testimonial really did not make that much sense but it sure did made me smile. I actually missed her when I read her testimonial, well not just her but the whole "gang" we had at San Carlos. During the days when all we had to do was show up at our Uncle's Bar and try not to be drunk, or in case we ever get drunk we had to make sure that we'll have the best time. Well, I miss that kind of stuff, when after sometime we just have to pretend nothing happened since we are so ashamed of ourselves for being that crazy. Sometimes, especially after mess when I'm walking back towards the barracks, I am able to think about things and that is where I usually feel the loneliness and it is by then that I miss the people. I realize how hard it is not being able to do whatever it is I want and not enjoying the company of the people I like to hang out with. As I said before, the sad thing about PMA and living your dream as a full government scholar is that it just gets lonely at times. Honestly there are really times that I feel that the loneliness is not worth all the benefits that I am getting as a cadet, but of course I ignore those feelings and go on with my training. As people would put it, we can never really get everything we want. I remembered how a few years back I would proudly declare that I would give up everything just to be able to go back to the Philippine Military Academy as a cadet. Now, there are times, I mean a lot of times, that I kind of feel good about the idea of not being a cadet. But of course, feelings change depending on your present situation, what remains is that living out what we are to do in this world, living with a purpose and fulfilling that purpose. I believe its not just me. I believe for everybody what I am feeling every now and then is natural but what becomes the deciding factor in our lives is what we believe is our purpose here in life. Amidst the feeling of loneliness, life becomes meaningful when we are to overcome our greatest enemy, and that is ourselves. Most people will deny this, but really our greatest enemy is ourselves, if you try to dissect everything that happens in this world it is always a battle within yourelf, the rest of the world are just details, we just have become used to the habit of paying more attention to the details. And so my point is, this is life and even if there is a mixture of so many feelings, confusions, dreams, frustrations at time, the fact of life is that THAT IS LIFE. It is not too hard to understand and until such time we are able to deal with that we'll never know what we want to do with our lives.

But I still miss the people....

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