Saturday, November 12, 2005

Leap of Faith

It's my third day back in Manila from the province and I am still mesmerized although not that much compared to when I first arrived. A few days back I seem to be completely restless, I do not know how to handle things for it was really quite a while since I last contemplated on something that involves or maybe "leads" to romance. No matter how I try to rationalize it, something in me just tells me that I have to do something and that is what I call my leap of faith.
In the last blog, I considered going to Cebu a leap of faith. It was not something that was part of the plan but I did. I figured that if there was to be something that will happen between me and that beauty I met, there should just be something more than our initial meeting amidst all the loud party we found ourselves into. And so I decided that there has to be another meeting. I wondered how it was going to be, I mean considering that she was somebody that seemed to be kikay and all that. But then, she came to see me in simple T-shirt and jeans which kind of gave me some assurance that she wasn't some showgirl who goes around looking like some primadonna and enjoying every bit of attention she's getting. I realized that I wouldn't be having problems going with her since I wouldn't look some servant following her. I have to admit that my fashion sense (if I had any) has deteriorated after being in PMA so I find it really hard to dress often wondering if I do not look some "taong grasa". So we talked and talked and I was particularly paying attention to the thoughts that I was sharing wanting to show things that I would like people to know about me. But then again, there is not much to say to people who I just recently met. I do not know what kind of things they like, what kind of people they like. I do not know but at some point I feel like something here is unreal and if my instincts are right I still had to create an impact so great that I will be taken seriously by this beauty. Now I wonder how I'm going to do this, with me here in Manila and to go back to Baguio in a few days. I do not know if I'm doing the right thing by calling her up every now and then, sometimes I feel that it seems I am becoming desperate also knowing that I am bordering between being sweet and a nuisance. I am also considering so many possibilities and I do not know which one is true. But then again, when I contemplate on things I realize that at the end of all these things knowing that intentions had been good althroughout kind of gives me that peace of mind that my leap of faith is not in vain. And so I continue to wonder whether or not something good will come out of whatever it is that I am doing. Well.......????

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