Sunday, November 27, 2005

Rethinking what it takes

I started to rethink things about what it takes for a person to be able to make a difference of what we do as people. I am now in a Leadership Institute at the majestic place of Caliraya Re-Creation Center across Caliraya Lake overlooking Laguna de Bay. The beauty that abounds me just seems so perfect that I can not help it but be in a contemplative mood.
When I first arrived here, I hated the fact that I was given a responsibility that I do not know if I can take. I felt that it was forced on me and my group and that it was some kind of a blackmail on our part dragging along the name of my institution. I realized that for some people they have this set of expectations over our identity as cadets and I hated this. But then I realized that a responsibility is given whether it is forced or not is an opportunity to stand out, something that determines if whether or not a person is worthy to be relied upon on times of crisis. So the journey begins.
Meeting people is one of the joys I derive from my experiences as I move around. Bringing along with me some of the things I know and hoping to learn more. I met beautiful people. At first I felt that I was limited to knowing a few people but later I realized that this is how it should be. I felt that for some of the other people that are here, when they leave, they will forever forget the people that made the experience worthwhile. For me, I will have people that I will share fond memories with regardless if we end up really being friends. That is the sad thing about my existence, I meet people, know them, realize that they can be friends for life and then I go back to my life and be forced to pretend that nothing changed. The truth is, in every person that I meet, something in me has changed forever. Like this time in Caliraya, I met three lovely ladies and their teacher. One taught me that, language can bring damage even if you do not mean it. My being loud and all that has its disadvantages, I say too much that sometimes I am unaware that some of the words I use offend them. I hope she reads this. In PMA there are some words that have been incorporated in our lingo that we forget that it is offensive to others who do not speak our language, words like ungas are common expressions that basically mean that you got something wrong that is why you are ungas. When I say ungas ka, it simply means that you got something wrong. For that I am sorry. And then this one lady was so silent but when you get to see how she deal with things she's actually someone that you can learn many things. I was amazed with the way she delivered her extemporaneous speech, I just said she's great. And then there is this another lady who was simply like an angel but not most angel that I meet. I mean, here in PMA there are many angels, beautiful people but with nothing in between their ears as in nothing. With this girl, she just had the brains that go with her looks. At least I finally met one of those that have the beauty and brains. And then their teacher, who although she was the some kind of the "adult" in the group was also a very good companion. I enjoyed sharing to her my ideas on so many things, it was one of the conversations that I haven't had for the longest time. You see, PMA is like a world of pretensions, it is as if everybody is trying to show to people that they do not have a soft side, topics always had to be something that would validate ones superiority or ones better qualities. We do not talk about romance, about love even about God and to think this are some of the most important issues in our life.... And so what happens after all those... I wonder, I wonder if I can just go on with this routine finding people and then losing them. This is sad... I wonder if this is what it takes to fulfill a dream? I hope that by the time I get my dream all these people are still there.....Well that's life and I'm still hoping that everything will turn out well....

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