Friday, December 09, 2005

You must love me...

I do not know what came into my mind when I wrote the title. It's fast becoming a habit that I write something in the topic and try my best to squeeze out something from my mind regarding the title that I wrote so as usual, bear with me because I will try my best to make something out of the ideas I have on my head.

In the past days I have been so sentimental on so many things. After arriving from Laguna Monday night of last week, I kind of felt that I was still in the trance. The bugle sound of tattoo was an unwelcome signal that I was really back in Baguio and back to my real world. I really did have a blast in Laguna and perhaps that is why I felt so bad at going back to Baguio realizing how much fun I could have if I wasn't some cadet. But then I wouldn't have fun in Laguna if I wasn't a cadet, I wouldn't even be there in the first place. The feeling continues until the next day as I eat my breakfast, the Christmas Carols just filled the mess hall and again I was nostalgic, I remembered so many things like carolling, talking to people, wrestling with my brothers, talking to my late mother on the phone, writing letters to people, walking under the stars and singing my favorite songs as if nothing mattered, crying over an article from some magazine, being amazed with the so many good books one can find inside unheard of bookstores, daydreaming about my recent crush, watching mushy movies that people never imagined I watch, running around the village with our labrador macy, eating KFC as if it was my last meal, walking around the mall alone and trying my best to contain my disgust about how some people try their best to look good, contemplating on things that have happened and being thankful that life still continues..... I can go on and on thinking about so many things the finally it snapped, I really was in PMA. There was no mother... she's dead; I can't wrestle with my brothers... we're adults now; no letters to write... everybody wants to text; no time to daydream... there are so many things to do; no running around the village with a dog... PMA is not a village and cadets are not allowed to have dogs; No KFC... just Bowling's Fried Chicken; No malls... just Post Commisary... and the list goes on and on too. In the end I can just be sentimental about all this things and at some point feel bad.
But then again, I remember all the good things I was enumerating earlier. I remember how it was so hard back then just to imagine wearing the cadet uniform, I remembered how my mother inspired me to put family above all other considerations, I remembered how I cried over the Alma Mater song thinking that I may just not be able to call it MY Alma Mater, I remembered people like Hiyas and Shiela that just seemed to have this unending patience over me thatI can't imagine how life would have been if I haven't met these two ladies (to their boyfriends, pasensya kayo mas mahal pa rin nila ako har har har). I remember my young niece biruin mo magkamukha sila ng kuya ko kababae nyang tao.... :) I remember my crush wala lang nangangarap lang malay mo may mapala ako... I therefore conclude... He must love me
See, it makes sense, I think now is the time to count our blessings and look at it as inspirations to go on and smile despite of the things we do not feel about. God must have really loved me that I can be so happy even at thinking about all the things that have happened in my life.....

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