A recap on my "experiment"

Last night after I typed my "so-called" experiment, I was running so fast so that I can go back to my room in time for the last note of the bugle sound that marks TATTOO inspection. After settling down, I was thinking about how my experiment went. I realized that I really do have so much to say if I am just allowed to say it. The six minutes that I had was actually very short and yet I was able to type so much ideas. Imagine, I remembered watching Brighton Beach Memoirs and I watched it when I was in 3rd year high school. Then I remembered how enjoyable my slumber was that afternoon. It was actually raining very hard and I was hoping that a friend would visit me, but then again she did not come so I decided that I will just sleep the afternoon away. Then the rain started and the climate became so conducive to sleeping. When I woke up aroung 4 o'clock to pee, I was very very sleepy still that I think I was not able to greet some upperclass that I saw while walking towards the sink. When I came back to my bunks, I just continued to sleep as if I never really woke up. Well that was fun.

Anyway, I learned from that experiment that I really have so much to say about everything. I think if I was given a day or something to just write whatever it is that I want I will be able to write a novel of some sort. The whole day yesterday, I was having this feeling of just wanting to write anything. When I went back to barracks after eating my lunch I just wanted to sit in front of the computer, but then I fell asleep. Finally, when study period came, I just sat on my chair then started to read 20 questions (its actually a play that won a Palanca in 2003, I suggest you read it if you still haven't just click the link). After that, I then felt the urge again to write, then my room mate started acting out a play from our Literature Book. It was fun and as I said it reminded me of a play I watched in the distant past. All in all, the experiment validates the flow of ideas. How fun spontaniety is, and of course it just confirms how wild my mind can be at times. Well if you think there are still others that I missed about the experiment, just comment..... maybe next time I'll think of some other wild idea.

6 minutes

I'm doing this experiment. I have around five minutes to type anything before I have to rush to my room for tattoo inspection.

Earlier today I slept the whole afternoon, enjoying the cool baguio climate thanks to the rain that was so good to people like me. I had a nice time reading a play with my room mate something that reminded me of the Brighton Beach Memoirs that I saw when I was in High school. I'm typing very fast so that I can beat time. I hope we'll be allowed to go out when the firstclass will go down to Manila for Independence day. I hope to see the people that I want to see, I hope I can unwind just for a day. Anyway my time is up, I'll do a recap tomorrow :)

Love hurts

Let me tell you a story. Falling in love is just so amazing, I wonder how it moves people into doing what they normally wouldn't do. Well, in the past days I was a witness to a love story unfolding right before my very own eyes. The characters are normal people; my room mate and his girlfriend. The situation is this, my roommate is with this girl for about three years now. At first I thought he really does not love the girl, especially when he talks about his flings but then the events that unfolded this past days kind of reminded me of things that have happened to another person in a different stage of my life.

Here in the Philippine Military Academy, we are the stars. When we walk, people look at us, they see us as if we're some kind of movie icons and mind you they ask us to be in a picture with them. Well, perhaps it is the uniform, maybe the PMA "thing" but this is the thing that kind of makes our life here a little bit interesting. When we see beautiful ladies roaming around our Camp and then ask for their numbers it is very seldom that they refuse and often times it is only because they are attached to someone else. So to put it simply, as cadets we are heart throbs. And so the story goes that my room mate, who is also a cadet, has had his share of being sought after by ladies. Of course, when loneliness sets in, we just can't help it, its there laid in a silver platter. But it is not to say that we are some maniacs who simply take advantage of the prestige we are accorded as cadets. And this is the point I am to drive at as I go on with this story.

The downside of being a cadet is when we have to bear the loneliness of being far away. We try to be the best that we can be despite of the separation from the people that love us, the people that support us, and the people that we want to be with. And this is what happened. My room mate had to bear the loneliness to be distant from his loved one. The conflict begins when his girlfriend eventually meets up with another guy from her place. Well, I could say that the guy was simply willing to listen. And then it happened. In one of the letters of my roommate's girlfriend she said that she went on "bonding" with this guy. This word actually caused so much stir that it lead to a series of sleepless nights for my roommate and also for me and my other roommates who just had to listen to his unending sonata of frustrations over his seemingly troubled relationship. And then finally, in one phone call, my room mate broke down-- he cried, as in he cried like a little baby. I wonder how intense his feeling thatit caused him to cry. At that point, I believed him when he said that he really loved his girlfriend. My roommate is some guy who has all the potential of being great at what he does. I mean we are to become soldiers, our spirits are solid rock, but then at the end of if all, love will melt that spirit. You see, here in the prestigious Philippine Military Academy, when the rest of the world thinks that we are some brat who waste the government's money, we are human beings. Although people may perceive as to be unfaithful, and our girlfriends always has this notion that we go around dating whoever it is that comes our way inside the halls of Fort del Pilar, we are loving individuals. Just like the rest of those who belong to the male species, we feel the same love that they feel, we are able to offer the same love that they are able to offer, and we feel devastated just like the way others are devastated when their relationship fails. Yes, love hurts and it hurts bad even from where we are...

In the last 24 hours

My feeling right now is kind of weird. So many thing happened in a very short time. Yesterday, we had visitors at the mess hall, they were the officers of the Philippine Air Force Flying School and it was nice to chat with my upperclass who are now officers, then tragedy struck 4 of them crashed just a few kilometers near Baguio, and then we have the first casualties of the PMA class of 2001, four actually, they were my brother's classmates. It's the talk of everybody in the barracks the whole day and we can just feel sad knowing that another one of our ranks have perished doing their duty......

And then I was browsing through my friends list in friendster and suddenly I missed my brother. I clicked on his profile and read all of the testimonials to him by his friends and I realized that my brother is such a good person. Actually, I kind of remembered how true the testimonials were for my brother. Like the Jordan thing, believe it or not, even now I, I used the word GULANTANG in so many ways because I first heard it from my brother who simply has this weird taste for funny sounding words such as Mangmang and others. I realized that we are indeed drifting apart and soon we will be living different lives and we'll just see each other every now and then. I remembered the last time I talked to him in a sentimental way was the day before I was going back to Baguio last March. It was in Jollibee after we rented VCDs, I could see the maturity of my brother who has changed so much from the little boy who use to throw tantrums when he does not like the food served in the table. I remembered how he used to cry all by himself when he remembers my mother and then tries his very best to hide it from us. Well, I hope he visits me here one of this days, that would really make me very happy maybe talk to him about things, about life, about plans even about topics that we never talked about before. I wanted to share to him my insights about several issues about life, things that I learned and things that I wanted to say to him that I was never able to say. I hope he becomes a good person, lives a good life and raises a perfect family. Well, I'm just lonely

I have nothing to say now, maybe I'll write again sometime when I'm not being too sentimental :)

Deficiency check!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, my deficiency in Differential Calculus is now down to 2.4 and it's still going down :)

Latenight Computing

Its almost midnight and believe it or not I'm in front of a computer screen just like the old days. I realized that I miss this kind of stuff. Well, we are allowed to access the internet up to midnight now because we are finishing our project in Management Information System (MIS). Don't ask me because I'm also trying to understand what this subject will do to make me a better soldier. Anyway, although I just came from a very tiring guard posting, I'm here in front of the computer doing what I love to do.... BLOGGING. Most people really do not understand what is so fun with writing anything online. At first, I also felt that those who enjoy doing what I do now are some kind of neurotic individuals. But then when I started doing it, it was fun. I mean if I would read my entries from last year or from last month I can not help it but wonder how I came up with ideas like those. One might say that everything that I type here might just be lost in oblivion, maybe forgotten. Well, a few days ago I started reading my previous entries and I enjoyed it, I even forgot that it was me who wrote it. I think that the fun in blogging is on the ability to capture memories that will simply be lost into oblivion. I enjoy being able to just say my mind without bothering who is reading. This activity gives me the sense of freedom that I think most people are looking for. Look at it this way, people will argue with me on why I do this and I can go on debating on them about it, which will eventually be a waste of time because practically his or her opinion doesn't matter. You see, for some people, they don't realize that they really have nothing to prove to anybody, the only person that they have to please is that one person that is not so hard to please; YOURSELF. Looking it at that context, blogging can really be fun. If those who read this do not like what I say, then be it, maybe they can go to some other site that will say that they are wonderful people and that they will die wondering why most people won't believe that they are wonderful. But I'll take you in on a little secret, I won't even spend one second wondering if people think that I am a wonderful person, the fact that I believe I am a wonderful person simply proves that I am, if you want to argue with me then go argue with yourself..... hehehehe

Well the truth of the matter is, we will never be able to please everybody, we must realize that the world is not about pleasing people, rather it is about our sense of value on ourselves. I am not saying that we become insensitive with our surroundings, let us just not allow our surroundings to dictate how we should be as persons. I am beginning to think that I can write a novel but then the clock ticks and tommorrow I wake up at 5:30 and start another day as a cadet..... Well that is just how it will be......

Newsflash

• One battallion is going down to manila for Independence Day to go on parade there are also rumors that we will have a break next month
• Calculus is being crushed to death by my exam results... hehehe

Till then.......

I miss the people

To day I received a testimonial from another of my favorite cousins. The testimonial really did not make that much sense but it sure did made me smile. I actually missed her when I read her testimonial, well not just her but the whole "gang" we had at San Carlos. During the days when all we had to do was show up at our Uncle's Bar and try not to be drunk, or in case we ever get drunk we had to make sure that we'll have the best time. Well, I miss that kind of stuff, when after sometime we just have to pretend nothing happened since we are so ashamed of ourselves for being that crazy. Sometimes, especially after mess when I'm walking back towards the barracks, I am able to think about things and that is where I usually feel the loneliness and it is by then that I miss the people. I realize how hard it is not being able to do whatever it is I want and not enjoying the company of the people I like to hang out with. As I said before, the sad thing about PMA and living your dream as a full government scholar is that it just gets lonely at times. Honestly there are really times that I feel that the loneliness is not worth all the benefits that I am getting as a cadet, but of course I ignore those feelings and go on with my training. As people would put it, we can never really get everything we want. I remembered how a few years back I would proudly declare that I would give up everything just to be able to go back to the Philippine Military Academy as a cadet. Now, there are times, I mean a lot of times, that I kind of feel good about the idea of not being a cadet. But of course, feelings change depending on your present situation, what remains is that living out what we are to do in this world, living with a purpose and fulfilling that purpose. I believe its not just me. I believe for everybody what I am feeling every now and then is natural but what becomes the deciding factor in our lives is what we believe is our purpose here in life. Amidst the feeling of loneliness, life becomes meaningful when we are to overcome our greatest enemy, and that is ourselves. Most people will deny this, but really our greatest enemy is ourselves, if you try to dissect everything that happens in this world it is always a battle within yourelf, the rest of the world are just details, we just have become used to the habit of paying more attention to the details. And so my point is, this is life and even if there is a mixture of so many feelings, confusions, dreams, frustrations at time, the fact of life is that THAT IS LIFE. It is not too hard to understand and until such time we are able to deal with that we'll never know what we want to do with our lives.

But I still miss the people....

And then there's the derivatives

It seems that all that I am posting about this past days are all about Calculus, of course it is a major concern for me because that subject alone will determine my stay in my beloved Philippine Military Academy. With my deficiency down to less than 5 points in a few days I will be texting again. But then the subject has taken its toll. Have I been proficient I would be going down to manila this weekend.... sayang!!!

Anyway we just started with derivatives today and I'm planning to study the whole afternoon after this.... grabe this is me and I'm not joking... of course that is after I write my letter to my friend.... anyway I'll study now......

It's going down

This is the situation. Initially, I had 13 deficiency points and considering that I am now off limits to my cellphone, I promised myself that I will get back at Calculus for denying me of the privilege of texting my friends and those that I want to be friends..... Well, I gave myself two weeks but it seems its going to be less, as of the moment I have 10.4, its approaching the single digit figure and I still have another LE which I'm so confident that I had a 10.0 then there is the Unit Exam tomorrow. So, if all goes well, I'm bidding goodbye to the deficiency list by next week. And so I go back to my blog cheerfully declaring that I am winning the war... yes... Its going down.....

You also notice the new lay-out. This is actually because of a project in my MIS class and I made my website my project so I just have to incorporate the other things. Anyway, that's it for now.... in a few more days I'll be texting again :)

All out war against Calculus

Our Tactical Officer talked to the thirdclass cadets tonight shortly after Evening call to quarters (ECTQ) and the main topic was about the alarming deficiency rate of my class in Calculus. My instructor revealed today that 70% of my class is deficient in the subject and I predict that may still rise in the coming days. Only around 30 cadets in my class out of about 260 total strength has a grade that is passing in the subject and some are just clinging on to that elusive 7.0. My tactical officer made new policies to force us to study, all privileges are cancelled and the saddest thing of it all is that we are not allowed to use our cellphones unless we become proficient. As of today, I have lessened my deficiency from 13 to 11 which is a feat in itself as most of my classmates are accumulating more and more with each lesson exam. Needless to say, this is a problem that is very great in magnitude as in great to the point that even the Superintendent is alarmed. If this continues, by next semester my class will be massacared.

I really do not feel good about all these things. For one, I know that I am good at math, the only reason that I am deficient is simply because I did not take this matter seriously and now it came to this point that I will have to be deprived of certain privileges that are the few things that make me smile in this part of the world. I am not panicking for I know that I will eventually end up victorious over calculus, I'm also hoping that I'll still make it to Dean's list. Of course, that is still to distant to think about. Right now I have to continue studying. I am declaring an all out war agains Calculus. I will show no mercy to that subject and I'll prove to them who's better. I earned my way to be here, with my stripe on my sleeves, I'm living my dream and its not Calculus that will take away that dream. I'll give them a battle that they will surely be defeated...... This is an all out war--- And I'm still smiling