Sunday, January 08, 2006

A very long afternoon

Except for the mornings of Saturday where there is the usual inspection on everything from the Barracks, to the rifles, uniforms up to parades the weekend is usually a time to rest for the cadets. Yesterday, I was very tired from the activities in the morning that I slept the whole afternoon. I watched a DVD and then slept again. This afternoon though, I was not able to sleep that long enough. By three o'clock, I was already wide awake with nothing to do. My phone did not receuive any message whatsoever and as I lie there I was just restless. I started to think of things that I can do. As of the moment I have three unread books with me. Surprisingly, I don't seem to get into the mood to read my books. I was just there wide awake DAYDREAMING. Imagine I haven't even removed the plastic of the latest Paulo Coelho Zahir but I chose to lie there and think. Later I started to be restless. I did not know what to do, I started texting people "nababaliw na ako". I really was being "baliw". For the first time in so many years I felt I lost my confidence on things. I felt that I was not certain about things to come, I felt that I just had to have a confirmation. Well those feelings are actually because of the recent events. Imagine how weird my feelings are nowadays. I can basically sit in my study table and just wonder about things. I am beginning to think that I am becoming very sensitive. Last night I almost cried because my classmates do not want to watch the movie that I wanted to watch, Imagine ang babaw ko na ngayon. I guess I am really mesmerized and the restlessness is perhaps those feelings that I just have to go through for me to get a better grasp and appreciation of things to come. It was really a very long afternoon and I just have to bear with my insanity, this time with no people to talk to (imagine sharing my "kalandian" with the proud and might cadets of the Philippine Military Academy) I know I am not making any sense here but really my feelings these days can only be described as weird, can anybody tell me what is happening? Please.........

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