I can't help it but check the news every now and then to know what is happening in Manila. In Inquirer it says Marine standoff at Fort Bonifacio over. Restive troops return to barracks. I did not think about the possibility that Gen Allaga will pacify the stand-off but at least all goes well for our bellegeured Marines. I also like the fact that the media now caught the scoop on Col Querubin's Medal of Valor. Last night, as news of Cory Aquino not being allowed to go to Fort Bonifacio reached our barracks, we started to wonder again the reason for such things, the majority of those I talked to just expressed their disgust over the politicians who again just took advantage of the event. Really, we hate it when politicians meddle with the affairs of the military as if they know how it is to be a soldier and then they complain when the military presents opinions in politics. Of course, we do not condone the act of those in our ranks whe really has immersed themselves with politics, they are all a bunch of mislead soldiers who forgot their sworn duty to the country at the expense of the integrity of the Armed Forces. Well before I get into trouble with what I am saying I have top say that it's just me and honest opinion on the things that are happening around. The point is the chain of command is what makes the Armed Forces a cohesive organization, it is in fact laid in the foundation of the existence of the military, breaking it is simply trying to destroy the whole institution which the higher echelons of the organization will not allow and even for me who is still way below the chain of command.
Well, since I have already started ranting with the chain of command let me tell you something that happened a while back to a plebe in my company. A plebe in my company once hated the guts of my classmate so much that he just blurted it out. He hated the fact that he has to be subjetcted to this and that. If you must know, in PMA things like that are what we call here "killable" offense. And so I had to teach that plebe a lesson. I told him that as soldiers we will forever be a subject of a superior. Even the best superior will at times make us do things that we do not like doing, say for example attack a heavily fortified enemy camp, or go on patrol when your wife is in labor. Now if breaking the chain of command was possible then it is like saying that the Armed Forces is useless. I think that plebe has learned his lesson and I just can't wait to know what he is going to say to his plebe to teach the same lesson once the new cadets have arrived. I am saying all these to illustrate how even at our stage as cadets, the chain of command is the most basic principle that we have to learn by heart. Even for my part I almost want to kill some of my upperclassmen, I sometimes go back to my room say all the bad things I can say about them but when duty requires that I follow I do it despite of my disgust to them... well if you have been following ths blog some of the bad words actually are posted here, but really that is just how it is. An upperclass that I truly respect once told me that if I did not want to follow the chain of command I might as well go out of the military, and really that is it. The chain of command is what gives me the authority to impose orders on my underclassmen. I go about doing my duty with the assurance that my requiremets for my subordinates are achieved because of the chain of command. This is what gives me the right to order people given that, this I learned from experience, I must take this right as a trust to mantain the highest competence and strength of character to be worthy of that authority. The problem with our leaders is that they simply ignore the responsibility that accompanies the authority they practice. Well that is just how I view it and I think I am right.
I also have to say that the news is not really what occupies most of my wandering mind. I just feel that in light of the so many things that are happening I simply can not be passive. The things that occupies me these days are actually personal. It is personal in the sense that it generally does not concern the Filipino nation. Its just me. My mind is constantly in search for answers over matters of the heart. You know what no matter how disgusted I am with the sexual escapades of my room mates, I sometimes think that they are enjoying life more than me. I mean not the sex thing, if just might say I had a terrible experience (well, maybe in another entry I'll write that experience) in learning my lesson on sex and I think I learned that quite well so I do not think I will be having trouble in that area at this point. But really I am more envious with the companionship that they are able to get out of their affairs. I haven't really had so much friends these days. The few people that I consider dear to me are either not talking to me or have just completely forgotten me. I think one hates me so much that she won't invite me when she gets married anytime soon, then another is so crazy over her idiot boyfriend that I am losing my patience in telling her to just leave that a**hole I simply do not want to communicate. Then this young lady that gave me shivers but I wonder how she is because she is just so silent. And then the many other women who send me messages, trying to start conversations, wanting to be my textmate, sometimes even sending me food, I pity them..... sayang ang ganda nila nagpapaniwala sila sa glitz and glamour of the cadet uniform. As for me, I'm just plain lonely. Madalas ngayon naaway ko ang mga room mates ko kasi my temper is very short. Hindi na masaya yung mga bagay na ginagawa ko dati and I simply long to be with some people... sana.... as in sana talaga. I do not really know why I have to feel this sadness enduring all the "temptations" that are just there. I do not understand why I insist in writing letters to someone so far away once a week despite her non reply. I simply miss the people, the people that are just..... distant.... very distant.... I want to cry.
With all the things that are happening in the country, suddenly life becomes dull even to someone who is living a dream and the answer is not that hard to comprehend. I continue to go on each day hoping that the future is not this lonely, in the meantime, I endure whatever there is to endure.... Why is patience so hard to learn? God HELP!!!