The state of emergency has been lifted, finally we are assured of a break. But now I wonder what to do with my break. We were told that the maximum break that we have will be about three days, the other classes will have more break. My class will just have to make some sacrifices in lieu of bigger responsibilities that we are going to undertake once the new cadets to compose the class of 2010 will come on 01 April. I am now beginning to imagine how it would be once this plebes are receiveda and given the "grand" welcome they deserve, I can just smile at the thought.
But this entry is not about being squad leaders, I will deal with that in future entries, I simply want to write about the upcoming break. When my eldest brother came here to attend the Alumni Homecoming last month, he invited me to go to Nueva Ecija for me to see the high tech weapons of his unit, the Light Reaction Battallion. I am contemplating on it, but then again I have other things in mind. Daddy also wants me to go somewhere, I think Boracay but I wonder if three days is enough. For my part, I want to see people, I'm now thinking of a particular someone, I hope it happens. I want to check on my aunt who is so depressed in the house with nothing to do. She is the aunt who raised us while my mother was in the States and I hate the fact that she is depressed. I also want to see my niece, who they say is beginning to show her talking potential. I want to visit a friend that is still not talking to me up this time after some misunderstanding a few months back. I want to make an overhaul on this website which I can only do if I am using our computer in our house. There are still so many things in my mind but what occupies me more is that there is just so much to do for a very short time. Finally I can be free even for just a while, and yet I am still confused. What is it really that I want.
I would like to think that I have to recharge my spirit. I have been lonely for quite a while, being depressed even on petty things, wondering in darkness, talking to myself when walking alone, something is just wrong with me. At the end of it all, just when I am about to be promoted again to the next class and closer to graduation, I dread my existence. I imagine a nice chat at Starbuck's finally putting another of those stickers on my card. I am beginning to day dream a lot just imagining the things that I want to do and I just can't wait for that day to come. The dreamer in me just sets in hoping that I could just get a glimpse of the wonderful imaginings that I have in my isolation. I just want to be free again, free to do what I want, free to see people, free to just live life as if nothing mattered.
I hope that when that day comes, people will just give me the chance to allow me to reach out to them. I hope that they will be patient with me considering that I only have three days of freedom. I really hope that people will understand how lonely I have become and allow me to tell them how much I missed them, how sorry I was for hurting them, if ever. I would like to tell people how much they inspired me to go on with my training looking forward to the day that I can finally share with them the victories, joys and everything that made me smile while I'm here. I think all this that I am saying just leads to one thing, I want to share my life with them.
So I am done again, I do not know how things will become. I hope the people that I am referring to will just read this... Sana maawa naman kayo.... Well, I just hope.... See you people