Tuesday, March 28, 2006

That's Ironic

Life can be ironic. I came to that conclusion after feeling the frustration of loneliness. In this life, so many things happen, we make decisions, move on to new beginnings each day and yet the inevitable seems to be always there waiting to strike. In my state, with people telling me that I should be happy with my life, I just can not help it but wonder the irony of the things that are currently happening to my life.
My heart felt sorry for my friend. Unfortunately, despite being the best friend that I am to her, I am the doom of her relationship with her current boyfriend. Even if it is simply a case of insecurity on the part of his boyfriend, I envy the boyfriend for despite his insensitivity and disregard to the feelings of my good friend, he is lucky to have my friend. I could feel from the words as she spoke to me over dinner last night, surely this guy had my friend deep into her chest. I could sense how much she really wants to fix their problem trying her best to keep me, to remain her confidant, to remain her friend. I wonder why some men can simply treat women like that. Her tears are just so precious that I really feel bad having to see it again. But then it is a situation only the two of them can fix, I realized that in cases like this it is enough that I do not talk, it is enough that I am simply there telling her that at the end of it all everything will be all right and we will all get what we deserve.
It has always been like that for me. So many years ago, she was at another bad instance in her life. Again, it is about men. It is about the ego of some men who just do not know how to treat a lady right. I've seen her cry and smile about it. In her eyes you could see how much she simply wants someone that will love her the way she should be. When people began to notice that we were getting close, they started teasing us. After that, I confronted her and told her that we just can not allow people teasing us about it. It was clearly a connection between two people who understood each other so well without the romantic thing. Most people will not believe that could exist between two people from the opposite sex but I assure you it does. In fact most people will not believe it to the point that her boyfriend gets so weird when any topic about me is brought up. And so it becomes their problem. As for me I continue to be a friend.
But my situation is also frustrating. While many people consider my ideas about love, relationships, faith, hope and other beutiful things brilliant, it seems not to exist in my life. For the past months I embarked on a quest to just be very honest to a girl. To be really sincere not trying to impress her but just revealing to her the person that I am including all my deficiencies. Every night I pray hard believing that God will give me what is due me. But then its just like that. She simply ignores me and I do not know what to do. But then I persist, I do what my heart tells me and continue to reveal myself despite of being ignored. For some people it is stupidity, for me it is an act of faith. It is based on the belief that we always sow what we reap. It is an act inspired by a soul that was changed and was inspired by another as if some magic has occured. So I write, try to be spontaneous and cross my fingers everytime. The truth is I do not even know if she is reading it, I'm just believing that maybe she is curious.
So this is the scenario, my friend has problems with her boyfriend because apparently he sees me as a threat to the two of them rather than an asset, while I go crazy and just write anything under the sun and send it to some girl that gave me much wonder. The irony of it all is that two people apparently connected by a very deep friendship find themselves in very contrasting situations. She is problematic about her boyfriend not knowing how to treat her well while she always says that her boyfriend should take tips from me on how to treat her. On the other hand, I am trying to prove my worth to someone who continues to ignore me while my friend continuosly tells me that I am already good and that its the girl's loss not mine. It would seem that to each of us we both know the solution to each other's problem but we just can not solve it because we are merely spectators on each others life. That's ironic.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

naalala ko na naman tuloy yung text message mo sa kin nun, when eman and i were in the bus going to manila...alam mo naman pala ang feeling na mamisinterpret ang relationship mo sa isang tao...i still cannot believe, kung joke man yun, why you texted me that...

i remember kung panong naging superclose talaga kami ni eman...how i became his 'specialest'MOM! (that's how he refers to me).. it really happened when i broke through his facade.. i asked him, 'eman, what's behind that smile? Take off that mask...' and he did.

eman lost his mom when he was in high school...i don't intend to replace his mom..we do talk a lot about her..yun ang isa sa madalas na crying sessions namin..txttxt nga kami kahapon and i told him i cried over your blogs about your dad and your mom...
but you know, i couldn't take that against you, i mean yung text message mo sa kin...in fact, i understand why anyone who might have seen us would think that way...we had a crying session in that bus kaya nakayakap talaga sya sa kin... i told tito ike that i feared then na mamisinterpret yung action namin, but i willingly took the risk because he really needed someone to assure him that he's loved and accepted despite of what he just confessed...i'm sure, alex, that you understand how eman must have felt...siguro nga, kung mas close tayo, hindi kasing nonchalant yung dating ng confession mo sa kin...knowing you more now from what you write, i knew you would have cried...
o sige, ito na lang muna...tapusin ko rin muna itong iyak ko...:(
-tita liza