Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I'm feeling bad or good or whatever

I do not know how I am feeling right now. Its not that I am so ambitious about the things that will happen to my life, but there are just things that I really want to have. I just learned from an upperclass that I failed to make it in the selection process of some congress that I was recommended on. I do not know how they select it but I have been dreaming about this conference ever since I learned about it. When I was a fourthclass cadet, I was in awe seeing second class cadets going to this congress and from there I started to dream. In my yearling year, one participant even asked me to write his write-up for that congress so that he will be selected, and he did. Now its my turn and I will not get the chance to write something for me to be allowed to join that congress. I am not being conceited, I know that there are so many of my classmates who are very qualified to join that conference, but I really feel I should be chosen. Well who cares what I feel, its their decision anyway. This led me to question how this selection process works. For one, last year's top seeded candidates from the Academy's selection process were sacked of their chance when they finally faced the selection process for the congress itself. I can just conclude that the selection process here and the selection of the actual congress is not a match. Well you draw your conclusion I am really just pouring out my feelings over this upset. I do not know, I think I am praying for some miracle, maybe for something. At the end of it all I will just have to accept my fate and understand that life is not always how we want it, we lose some, win some but always we have to learn from every experience. I think I'm just feeling bad because I'm missing an opportunity that will never be offered to me again. Even if I will end up to become some great general in the future I will always remember this instance when I was just not good enough and it feels so bad. I do not want to dwell on this anymore.
I have finished writing my feature article for Project ISLAM. I wrote about this project a couple of weeks back in this blog but decided to write a full story of this project because I was really amazed with it. When I first heard about it in chuch I almost wanted to cry hearing how moving loving our brother muslims can be. It is a story of how love can conquer all even the greatest conflict known to the history of mankind. I felt that the least I can do is to tell the whole world of this project so that it can gain more and more support. I do not want to spoil what I wrote for the Corps Magazine but I will try my best to write something about this project so that I can declare its message even to those who will never have the opportunity to read our magazine. Just wait for it.
I realized that I haven't read a book for a while. The books that come my way these days are just not good and I haven't had the opportunity to go to a bookstore and by myself one. I am writing more these days, not writing about something but writing TO someone. Even if there are so many things that I feel bad about, especially about that congress at the beginning of this blog, it just makes me smile everything I think about this person that I am writing to every week. Last Friday, she finally answered some of my text messages and it was as if there was electricity flowing through my veins. I was just so happy even if she simply answered some question and that our exchange just had a sudden death. Nevertheless, I still cherish that night. She just made me so happy without her doing anything... Well, at least I am feeling this emotions even if I am not going to that congress... here I go again. I guess I just had to go now...

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