Monday, July 03, 2006

My frustrations... Again

I was browsing through the blogs of my friends when I realized how fun their life is. I mean Hannah talks about her showbiz career(kuno) and Jhett talks about her New York experience. Me on the other hand talks about my frustrations about my boring life as a cadet of the Philippine Military Academy. Well to a certain extent it is not really frustrations for I am definitely not frustrated with my being a cadet I just realized that my blog mostly contains the desires that I have, things that I can not do because I am stuck here and so much is expected of me. It kind of makes me feel bad about the adventures that I could have experienced if only I wasn't here. Thinking about it, I'm sure I'll still have a good life find some decent job and perhaps even have a love life of some sort. Here's the situation, my social is mostly limited to people I call "mistah" or "bok," there are others who I have to greet good morning or good afternoon everytime I meet them anywhere because it really is a minus to their humanity if some underclass ignore their being my senior. And then there are the plebes who continue to test my patience with every laxity they commit may it be in their uniforms or the compliances I order them to do. The yearlings (second year cadets) can be fun as they try to smile even if I know they are annoyed by my constant "pangungulit" simply because they can not do anything about it. On the other hand, my love life is comprised of letters that I write every week to some girl that I met in one of the conferences I attended last year, the life there is that I am just constantly hoping that she writes me back or at least send me a text message. My family who also live different lives text me every now and then about the fun that I am missing because I am here. Day in and day out, I am just wishing that something better will happen. I am wishing that the "routineness" of my life will just change and some excitement will happen. Of course, there are other people who try to cheer me up but after that I only end up wanting to be with them, missing them more and again wishing I was free.
But then there are other things that I can do. I remember our lesson in Ethics this morning about free will. My classmate said that as cadets we do not have free will because we are not able to choose the things that we want to do. Our lives are guided by a set of rules that govern us in exchange to our scholarship and all other perks of being PMA cadets. My professor (who is a Doctor of Philosophy, by the way) said that we actually have a choice only that we are not prepared to face the consequences so we do what we are supposed to. So I began thinking, he was right. I mean I do have a choice in all this. I can just decide right now to leave this place go home and just live a normal life. But that is not who I am. I mean the life that I live now is a result of the many choices I made. It was my choice to insist on going back to PMA. That choice has brought me to this very place where I feel the things that I have written about in my blog. Just like Jhett and Hannah, their lives are a result of the choices that they made. I remember Hannah saying that she once wished she had a career in creative media. I guess all of us do have our frustrations in the life we live. I bet even the richest man in the world can be frustrated over the fact that he just have so much money while we wonder why is that. In the same way, people who dream of going to PMA and be cadets may also wonder why I even think of leaving. The truth is the world we are living is not perfect. The life that we live is only as good as how we want it to be. Each of may sometimes feel bad over the things that we do. I feel bad why Hannah can go to Glorietta everytime she wants while it requires three days for me to even be allowed to go to SM Baguio and watch Superman. Well, this is life. As Desiderata would put it "... with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world; Be careful strive to be happy"
Well happiness is something we strive for. Some people are lucky because they do not need to try hard enough but at the end of everything we determine our happiness. Well I hope people will try to make me happy so that I wouldn't have to try hard enough....

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