Sunday, December 03, 2006

Frustration finally sets in

I am finally feeling the frustration that comes with not being the chosen one. Earlier, I broke the news to my room mates and their reaction was also not that good. I was telling them that it was never my classmates fault, it was just that in the final analysis it was the decision of the upperclass that mattered. Yes, I feel that I am being robbed of something but can you blame me? While I was walking towards the computer laboratory, I started to cry. The tears that I have been trying so hard to stop finally came out. I was frustrated the moment I heard of the news but tried to look cool because I know that how the decision was to be made. Again, it was not my classmates fault (the one who was chosen), but it is my right to feel bad, I wanted the position and it seems now that it will never be mine.
You can say that I have been preparing myself for this eventuality. My mind has been entertaining ideas of things that I wanted to do. I was already planning how I would go about it. I ignored the possibility that I may not be chosen, I was just so sure. And so the result is that I am frustrated. Frustrated because I have conditioned my mind all this years to be worthy of being in that position. As I was looking at the sky moments ago, I asked God, "Am I really not that deserving?"
Life will go on. I do not know how long it will take for me to overcome this frustration. I love what I do and though I am frustrated, I have decided to do what I do best even if I was not chosen. In my mind, I know I deserve it and I will continue to see to it that I will be worthy of it. I will be the best that they will ever find in a lifetime and they will be sorry for not choosing me.

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