Thursday, January 18, 2007

Being not enough -- continued

Last night, there was not enough time to really completely explain my thought on not being enough so I will write the continuation.
I wrote about not being enough, I mean if everything that we do in this world is enought to really get what we want then life wouldn't be that exciting. But more on that let me go back to the things taht I do to keep me busy. Let's take the letters that I have been sending every week to this girl somewhere far. I told myself that if I was true to my feelings and that I will give it my all maybe that would be enough. Now a year after, it seems that nothing is happening. Last year, I also complained about opportunities that I missed. About conferences that I was not given the chance to go despite of my belief that I was more than qualified. I felt then that life was fair and that I will be given what I am due. Later on, I realized that life is not actually fair. We can be the best at everything that we do but we do not have the final say in the outcome of what will happen.
This is the realization that I had in the crisis that I am going through right now. Maybe this is my second blessing -- to be taught that in the end the things that will happen to my life will not be because of what I can do but because it is a Grace from God. No matter how good I will do, no matter how much I try, I will never be certain of the things to come all I can do is submit everything to the will of God believing that He knows best.
The lessons in life is amazing, there is so much mystery in how each of us is taught a lesson that is life changing. I am learning more on submission and I am praying for some more. As I said in the initial stages of this problem in my life, I will come out a better person from this experience, right now I am believing that I am a better person and it has not ended yet. Well that is the beauty of living life...
I guess that is all I can say for now....

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