***
(Note: Since my writing career has ended, I decided to publish some of the articles that I have written in the past years. I will do this as I try to write some more this time for this blog. I intend to do to in this blog what I should be doing in the Corps Magazine if I was not booted out. For the meantime, I am posting some of the articles that I wrote before for the benefit of those who were not able to get copies of the Corps Magazine. I will put this under the label articles for better searching. I will also write some brief background on the articles that will be posted here. Here's the first:
This was published in the 2005 Academic Issue. Technically, this is the first short story that I wrote and is dedicated to someone I met during my first break as a cadet in March 2005. After being mesmerized by her on our initial meeting, I tried getting in touch but to no avail the distance can not be bridged that easily. This was the fulfillment of my promise to her to write something for her and also a way to release my obvious frustration about not being able to receive text messages from people you wish to text. Enjoy!!!)
***
“Message sent.”
The words lingered on my head as I watch those words appear on my cellphone screen with the backlight slowly dimming until finally it faded. My mind was filled with so many things when the message that I just sent came back into view.
“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”
The nyo word was actually a disguise to imply that I sent this message to others and I was just simply bored and that a text from somebody was very welcome. In reality, though, I just sent the message to a single person. For some reason, I feel that it was kind of weird that I wanted to start a conversation through text messaging with her. I kind of wanted it to look as if I was not that desperate to receive a text message from her. The whole study period, I have been thinking of how exactly I will begin something that would merit at least one message from her, or perhaps something that would begin a series of text messages that would at least show that we’re kind of—friends. I was suddenly grasping for ideas on how exactly I will get this lady’s attention. The idleness of my cellphone was not a good indicator. As time slips away I could imagine from the distant, somewhere in Quezon City, that she was actually ignoring me or maybe not. Maybe she is irritated by my obvious lack of attention or maybe she was simply tired or perhaps the more obvious reason, she had no call card balance. But why is it that although I am fully aware of the countless possibilities, I continue to be haunted by the most horrific reason one could come up, that she is ignoring me; pity me.
***
I was singing along with the radio. Although the volume was low, I heard the song clearly, it was my favorite, “Love moves in mysterious ways.” I realized then I had been seated at my desk for the past hour and had done nothing. After I had my dinner, I quickly retreated to my room for no apparent reason. I was simply tired. I thought surviving the day was a feat in itself. But then nothing much has really happened except for the endless “bonding” that I had with my friends. I just recently graduated my pre-law course and although I will begin law school in a few months, I am enjoying this break from school even if it will soon come to an end. So this is how life is when you have nothing else to do. A few months back, I was thinking of this elaborate plan on what I will do the moment I graduate. I thought all the while that I will be able to do everything that I have conceived in my head only to realize that after a while, I have done everything that I thought of doing. I glanced at my watch, it was 9:32. I realized then that I had practically done nothing for the past hour. But then, I have all the time in the world. The fact that I had done nothing for the past hour brought the feeling of contentment. I was contented simply because I know I was free. I was free from a schedule that would dictate when I will wake-up, when I will go on gimmicks. Now, I can sit on my desk for one hour and do nothing. It is indeed a good feeling.
***
My roommate entered the room and he was holding his cellphone. With a smile on his face, I knew right then what was going on. He had just received a text message from one of his girlfriends who was from Leyte. The smile signaled that something just came up. Maybe it was some sweet text message, a quote or something that just triggered this look that I see him in. I have always told him to stop fooling around but then he would always answer me that it was love he felt for all of them, that’s what he said. Well, what can I do, the fact remains that although I do not agree with his affairs, I was simply some nobody waiting for a reply from somebody who, for all I know, does not give a damn about my existence. If you look at it his way, I was some hopeless romantic trying to woo some girl some place far away, who possibly thinks of me as some mere acquaintance and he was the man, the heartthrob. There are times though that I kind of like the feeling that he gets from his escapades but when conscience sets in, I simply ignore the feeling. I always reasoned out that it is because of his antics that hopeless romantics like me are not able to get the good girls. I wonder how it seems too easy for him when in fact he just plays around while I’m still waiting for luck to strike. I just might get lucky and right at this very moment I hope the text message I have been waiting is that luck.
***
I heard the faint knock of our maid. When I opened the door, she just gave me my phone.
“Ate, may message ka.”
“Salamat po, Manang.”
There are two messages. One from a friend I met earlier. She was just asking if I was already home and also to thank me for our little girl talk. The other was from someone that I met a few weeks back. He was a friend of a friend that eventually found his way inside my circle of friends. There was nothing special really about this guy except that he studied at the premier military institution in the country; he is a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy.
“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”
As I read those words, I was confused. The truth of the matter is—I do not know him. Perhaps he thinks that some desperate text message like this will start something that would perhaps make me one of his textmates. Cadets are simply like that, at least that’s what I heard. A friend once told me that they have these text friends from all over. Some of these “friends” they actually court and eventually become one of their girlfriends then the cycle goes on. My father was once also a cadet but I never saw him to be that of a playboy. But then what do I really know about them. Even if my father is a general, I know very little about the military. In fact some people will be surprised that I was actually the general’s daughter. It really is nothing to me that my father has stars on his shoulders. I have nothing to do with him rising to that rank, and I did not have a choice being his daughter. But then although I think of it this way, this part of me seems to intimidate people. I remember how a sense of greatness is attached when the topic of me being the daughter of so and so is discussed. For some people it seems that I am this princess. With boys, this becomes part of who I am. It appears to people that I have this high standard with men, sometimes this becomes the reason why they simply do not try hard enough to woo me. But then again, I deserve someone great, there’s no rush anyway, I still have to go to school. Well, maybe this one is another one of those trying to get my attention.
***
The sound of my phone was music to my ears only to realize that the text message was not from her. The message was an advertisement about the latest promo on a certain movie, as if I can watch that movie. There was still no reply from her and I’m beginning to think that this might not be my luck day. I really think that what I am expecting as of this point is not too much of a request. I mean, a simple reply is not hard to do. Being in this place, I will just be happy knowing that at least she bothered. In reality though, I want something more than that. I want to go on a date with her. Maybe we’ll talk about things, maybe about the book I gave her when I attended her graduation party a few weeks back when I was on break. Maybe after that date, I will really get to know her and that I may find something that would further advance my interest on her. Maybe we can go to a cool restaurant I saw way back. I told myself then that I will bring a special lady there. I completely forgot about that restaurant until just recently when I was daydreaming about a perfect date with her. Maybe when I come back, I’ll send her letters, I mean real letters. Not those that is so impersonal that when the computer goes down, your letter also goes down. I imagine something like letters that I carefully compose during study period using the stationeries that are issued to us, just like how my father did when he was a cadet or maybe just like how her father did when he was a cadet. I’m not in love though. Even if just thinking of her tickles me from the inside and even if every night I pray very hard that God will give her to me. I still maintain that I’m not in love. How could I be in love when I do not really know her? Well, I may fall in love with her and that is why although desperate text message is not getting any good result, I’m still hoping that she’ll just notice me and be more than just an acquaintance, maybe share some insights or maybe share other things or maybe fall in love. Ah, will that ever happen.
***
“What is this guy trying to do?” I muttered to myself. He certainly is trying to get my attention, but why? Well the answer is really that obvious. A few days ago, when he went home to attend the wedding of his brother, he asked me to go out with him. After some thought, I realized I was not ready for something like that. I only met him twice and I was not to go out with somebody I barely know. He seems harmless though, and the fact that I am my father’s daughter perhaps gives me that little assurance that he has no bad intention. I declined his offer but told him to join me with some of my friends. I thought that was safer at least there will be other people around and I wouldn’t be feeling uneasy around him. Nothing happened much really except that we had some coffee and we basically did not talk much and then I had to go home while they continued in some videoke bar until morning.
“Sori, I can’t text you right now, I’m kind of busy.”
I gave it one last look and then sent the message.
***
The hallway was noisy. Everyone was walking towards the cellphone rack. Taps was about to sound and that meant that we had to surrender our phones. In a few minutes it will be considered Close call, it is the time when we are not allowed to use our phones anymore. I rose from my seat and walked towards the door when the bugle started to play the familiar tune of Taps. I just walked out of the door when the phone sounded. It was from her. As I was rushing to the rack and tried to read the message, my battery drained and the phone shut down. There was no time to charge now I’ll just read that message tomorrow. I hope it’s something I like.
Open call has ended with me still wondering what is it that I had to do to get her attention. The sad thing about PMA is that we simply do not have the time to meet people that we like. As for me, she was simply far away. No matter how good my intention is, she can’t possibly know it. I think no one can blame us if we cherish the little time we have for text messaging during open call it is the only way we can at least reveal ourselves to people. With me now, it’s the only way I can reveal myself to her. When most networks offered unlimited text and calls to their subscribers it became an instant craze to the cadets, that explains how lonely can it be. When loneliness set in even the simplest text message can bring a smile to a cadet’s face. As for me, I hope there will come a time that I will take advantage of those offers and I hope it’s because of her. Romantics like me can sometimes really be hopeless, why? There is no intricate explanation to that, within the walls of Fort del Pilar, when people are simply fascinated by our uniforms and the way we entertain them during parades and reviews, we hope people will pay attention beyond that fascination, even if only through desperate text messages.
I changed to my sleeping uniform, and then went to the computer to type the long delayed story that I was to submit to the Corps Magazine. Perhaps I could write something about text messages, about admiration or maybe falling in love. That’s an idea. I gazed at the blank screen then typed the first words:
“Message sent.”
***
“Message sent.”
The words lingered on my head as I watch those words appear on my cellphone screen with the backlight slowly dimming until finally it faded. My mind was filled with so many things when the message that I just sent came back into view.
“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”
The nyo word was actually a disguise to imply that I sent this message to others and I was just simply bored and that a text from somebody was very welcome. In reality, though, I just sent the message to a single person. For some reason, I feel that it was kind of weird that I wanted to start a conversation through text messaging with her. I kind of wanted it to look as if I was not that desperate to receive a text message from her. The whole study period, I have been thinking of how exactly I will begin something that would merit at least one message from her, or perhaps something that would begin a series of text messages that would at least show that we’re kind of—friends. I was suddenly grasping for ideas on how exactly I will get this lady’s attention. The idleness of my cellphone was not a good indicator. As time slips away I could imagine from the distant, somewhere in Quezon City, that she was actually ignoring me or maybe not. Maybe she is irritated by my obvious lack of attention or maybe she was simply tired or perhaps the more obvious reason, she had no call card balance. But why is it that although I am fully aware of the countless possibilities, I continue to be haunted by the most horrific reason one could come up, that she is ignoring me; pity me.
***
I was singing along with the radio. Although the volume was low, I heard the song clearly, it was my favorite, “Love moves in mysterious ways.” I realized then I had been seated at my desk for the past hour and had done nothing. After I had my dinner, I quickly retreated to my room for no apparent reason. I was simply tired. I thought surviving the day was a feat in itself. But then nothing much has really happened except for the endless “bonding” that I had with my friends. I just recently graduated my pre-law course and although I will begin law school in a few months, I am enjoying this break from school even if it will soon come to an end. So this is how life is when you have nothing else to do. A few months back, I was thinking of this elaborate plan on what I will do the moment I graduate. I thought all the while that I will be able to do everything that I have conceived in my head only to realize that after a while, I have done everything that I thought of doing. I glanced at my watch, it was 9:32. I realized then that I had practically done nothing for the past hour. But then, I have all the time in the world. The fact that I had done nothing for the past hour brought the feeling of contentment. I was contented simply because I know I was free. I was free from a schedule that would dictate when I will wake-up, when I will go on gimmicks. Now, I can sit on my desk for one hour and do nothing. It is indeed a good feeling.
***
My roommate entered the room and he was holding his cellphone. With a smile on his face, I knew right then what was going on. He had just received a text message from one of his girlfriends who was from Leyte. The smile signaled that something just came up. Maybe it was some sweet text message, a quote or something that just triggered this look that I see him in. I have always told him to stop fooling around but then he would always answer me that it was love he felt for all of them, that’s what he said. Well, what can I do, the fact remains that although I do not agree with his affairs, I was simply some nobody waiting for a reply from somebody who, for all I know, does not give a damn about my existence. If you look at it his way, I was some hopeless romantic trying to woo some girl some place far away, who possibly thinks of me as some mere acquaintance and he was the man, the heartthrob. There are times though that I kind of like the feeling that he gets from his escapades but when conscience sets in, I simply ignore the feeling. I always reasoned out that it is because of his antics that hopeless romantics like me are not able to get the good girls. I wonder how it seems too easy for him when in fact he just plays around while I’m still waiting for luck to strike. I just might get lucky and right at this very moment I hope the text message I have been waiting is that luck.
***
I heard the faint knock of our maid. When I opened the door, she just gave me my phone.
“Ate, may message ka.”
“Salamat po, Manang.”
There are two messages. One from a friend I met earlier. She was just asking if I was already home and also to thank me for our little girl talk. The other was from someone that I met a few weeks back. He was a friend of a friend that eventually found his way inside my circle of friends. There was nothing special really about this guy except that he studied at the premier military institution in the country; he is a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy.
“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”
As I read those words, I was confused. The truth of the matter is—I do not know him. Perhaps he thinks that some desperate text message like this will start something that would perhaps make me one of his textmates. Cadets are simply like that, at least that’s what I heard. A friend once told me that they have these text friends from all over. Some of these “friends” they actually court and eventually become one of their girlfriends then the cycle goes on. My father was once also a cadet but I never saw him to be that of a playboy. But then what do I really know about them. Even if my father is a general, I know very little about the military. In fact some people will be surprised that I was actually the general’s daughter. It really is nothing to me that my father has stars on his shoulders. I have nothing to do with him rising to that rank, and I did not have a choice being his daughter. But then although I think of it this way, this part of me seems to intimidate people. I remember how a sense of greatness is attached when the topic of me being the daughter of so and so is discussed. For some people it seems that I am this princess. With boys, this becomes part of who I am. It appears to people that I have this high standard with men, sometimes this becomes the reason why they simply do not try hard enough to woo me. But then again, I deserve someone great, there’s no rush anyway, I still have to go to school. Well, maybe this one is another one of those trying to get my attention.
***
The sound of my phone was music to my ears only to realize that the text message was not from her. The message was an advertisement about the latest promo on a certain movie, as if I can watch that movie. There was still no reply from her and I’m beginning to think that this might not be my luck day. I really think that what I am expecting as of this point is not too much of a request. I mean, a simple reply is not hard to do. Being in this place, I will just be happy knowing that at least she bothered. In reality though, I want something more than that. I want to go on a date with her. Maybe we’ll talk about things, maybe about the book I gave her when I attended her graduation party a few weeks back when I was on break. Maybe after that date, I will really get to know her and that I may find something that would further advance my interest on her. Maybe we can go to a cool restaurant I saw way back. I told myself then that I will bring a special lady there. I completely forgot about that restaurant until just recently when I was daydreaming about a perfect date with her. Maybe when I come back, I’ll send her letters, I mean real letters. Not those that is so impersonal that when the computer goes down, your letter also goes down. I imagine something like letters that I carefully compose during study period using the stationeries that are issued to us, just like how my father did when he was a cadet or maybe just like how her father did when he was a cadet. I’m not in love though. Even if just thinking of her tickles me from the inside and even if every night I pray very hard that God will give her to me. I still maintain that I’m not in love. How could I be in love when I do not really know her? Well, I may fall in love with her and that is why although desperate text message is not getting any good result, I’m still hoping that she’ll just notice me and be more than just an acquaintance, maybe share some insights or maybe share other things or maybe fall in love. Ah, will that ever happen.
***
“What is this guy trying to do?” I muttered to myself. He certainly is trying to get my attention, but why? Well the answer is really that obvious. A few days ago, when he went home to attend the wedding of his brother, he asked me to go out with him. After some thought, I realized I was not ready for something like that. I only met him twice and I was not to go out with somebody I barely know. He seems harmless though, and the fact that I am my father’s daughter perhaps gives me that little assurance that he has no bad intention. I declined his offer but told him to join me with some of my friends. I thought that was safer at least there will be other people around and I wouldn’t be feeling uneasy around him. Nothing happened much really except that we had some coffee and we basically did not talk much and then I had to go home while they continued in some videoke bar until morning.
“Sori, I can’t text you right now, I’m kind of busy.”
I gave it one last look and then sent the message.
***
The hallway was noisy. Everyone was walking towards the cellphone rack. Taps was about to sound and that meant that we had to surrender our phones. In a few minutes it will be considered Close call, it is the time when we are not allowed to use our phones anymore. I rose from my seat and walked towards the door when the bugle started to play the familiar tune of Taps. I just walked out of the door when the phone sounded. It was from her. As I was rushing to the rack and tried to read the message, my battery drained and the phone shut down. There was no time to charge now I’ll just read that message tomorrow. I hope it’s something I like.
Open call has ended with me still wondering what is it that I had to do to get her attention. The sad thing about PMA is that we simply do not have the time to meet people that we like. As for me, she was simply far away. No matter how good my intention is, she can’t possibly know it. I think no one can blame us if we cherish the little time we have for text messaging during open call it is the only way we can at least reveal ourselves to people. With me now, it’s the only way I can reveal myself to her. When most networks offered unlimited text and calls to their subscribers it became an instant craze to the cadets, that explains how lonely can it be. When loneliness set in even the simplest text message can bring a smile to a cadet’s face. As for me, I hope there will come a time that I will take advantage of those offers and I hope it’s because of her. Romantics like me can sometimes really be hopeless, why? There is no intricate explanation to that, within the walls of Fort del Pilar, when people are simply fascinated by our uniforms and the way we entertain them during parades and reviews, we hope people will pay attention beyond that fascination, even if only through desperate text messages.
I changed to my sleeping uniform, and then went to the computer to type the long delayed story that I was to submit to the Corps Magazine. Perhaps I could write something about text messages, about admiration or maybe falling in love. That’s an idea. I gazed at the blank screen then typed the first words:
“Message sent.”
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