Monday, March 12, 2007

Saying sorry

I am supposed to write about weddings but my feelings are just so much that I can not help but confront all of it before I go crazy again.

I am not exactly a good person. Although I try to be one, I accept that there are instances (a lot really) that I can be so bad that people has all the right to hate me. But really I try my best to really be good based on my idea on how it is to be a good person.

Just after I took my lunch, I had to explain delinquency reports. Most of it were offenses that were done out of neglect like marking my absence card and the like but one stood out. It was a report from my instructors. To be honest I did not feel bad about the report, its just that I am getting the impression that this instructor is somehow "griping" to me. I may be wrong but the aura that the event is sending is that I offended her and I am convinced something had to be done.

A few months ago, we had this lecture in one of the lecture halls. This lecture hall was the more beautiful one and the seats were so comfortable that it was very conducive to sleeping. You see, I am the type of student who ALWAYS listen in class. I have always reasoned that as long as I am listening in class I can always have something for the exams even if I do not study my lessons when not in class. And so, on that day, even if the seat was more of a sleeping couch I try my best to wake up. Its not that I was entirely successful at trying not to sleep its just that I was listening to the lecture and that I understood it very well that I can bet my life that I can give the lecture to my classmates if I was asked to. For one reason or another I was reported for dozing in class and upon explaining the offense, I confidently said that I can give the lecture again just to prove that I was listening. That was a wrong move, later during the day, I realized that the explanation I had might trigger the notion that I am too arrogant to accept that I was indeed "sleepy". Sadder is the thought that the notion I created might have offended my dear instructor.

I have to say that I consider my instructors in very high esteem. I have had encounters with a lot of my instructors here who actually gave up better jobs just to teach the cadets. Their reason is not because the Academy pays them good salary its because for them by teaching the future leaders of the country (that’s us… ehem!!!) they are helping this country become a better place. I think in this blog I have recounted countless lessons that have struck me not because the lesson was so interesting but because the teacher that taught it exuded so much passion and dedication to the job that he or she was doing. I become very sentimental when these instructors talk about character, about helping the nation and all those things, somehow they give me an idea of dedication that is worth emulating. Also, Academy instructors have an affinity to me personally since my mother was once and instructor in this Academy, in fact some of them still know her. And so comes the irony of giving this bad impression to one of my beloved teachers.

Having realized that, I have decided to do something for that instructor just to explain change her perception of me. I am not exactly confident that I can pull it off but I have all the intention to really say sorry to her just to change her perception not just about me but more so about the cadets of the Philippine Military Academy in general. As I said I am not exactly a good person, but I try to be one and I accept if I am wrong.

I will just have to do it in the next few days… I am already nervous just thinking about it but I guess it has to be done… Well wish me luck…

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