Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A mother's legacy (the conclusion)

(Note: This is part of a series of stories dedicated to my mother who passed away last 13 April 2000. Her birthday is on April 27th)

Living the legacy

Most people would say that one of the hardest thing to experience in this world is to lose a parent. I also thought of that before. When I learned of my mother's cancer, I can not even bare the thought of losing her forever. Thinking about how life has been since she was gone, not much has changed except that this time there will be no mother to call me up in the phone and just talk to me.

I could be the most talkative person in the world. I realized that to a certain extent this has been shaped by my experience with the relationship I had with my mother. I could say that the love I have for her was nurtured by endless conversations that was done from different sides of the world. I could really bond with people just by being able to talk to them. I have also developed the ability to write my thoughts well and really express my heart out in the words that I use. Its because in so many times when I feel I really had to tell my mother something, I just have to write it.

When I first published part one of this series, I received a comment that I have no intention to approve but will just state it in this entry. The comment said that my experience (particularly this one) caused me to "f*ck up with relationships". I do not have idea how that person came up with that conclusion but I beg to disagree. I realized that the kind of people we become is a reflection of the parents we have even if they are not with us all the time. My mother did not have the opportunity to nurture me the way other parents had but I could say that I came out better than my other peers. I am proud to say that I never went into drugs (not even tried) and did not go to jail. Somehow, I could conclude that parenting is the perfect example of leadership by example. A parent does not have to be with us all the time, they just have to set the example of how is to be a person and by God's grace everything else follows. I may not be the best person there is out there but I know I am not a bad one either. In my journey, I have done so many things, both good and bad, but I know whether or not people will agree with me, I have not failed my mother into becoming the person that she can be proud of. If she can see me now, I know she is happy with the way I turned out.

So what is it really that my mother has left in me as an enduring legacy? Let me answer that by narrating something that happened between me and my brother. As I said, I have done things that are bad and that caused a big quarrel with my brother. I was ashamed of myself and did not want to show my face to my brother. Finally, when I was confronted by my brother my mother's legacy lingered. He said that no matter how bad I have become, he knows that my mother will never want us to be enemies over anything no matter how big. Up to this day, the words of my brother still linger in me. What he was telling me was that, he values relationships more than the problems. He values our being brothers more than whatever it is that I have done. He loved me more than anything else in this world. My mother's legacy is that. To love with all of one's heart no matter how hard the circumstances are and to believe in the enduring capability of unconditional love.

I was the last son to see my mother before she died. It was in the middle of March 2000, almost a month before she past away. It was in a small nipa hut, she was weak but she had the eyes that was simply happy. Again, there were no words just moments of being together and what I did not know was that it was to be the last time that I will touch her. When I finally left her, she hugged me very tightly. It was as if she knew it would be the last time she will be able to do it. I walked away with my tears rolling down my cheeks, it was indeed the last time.

Now I write this testament to a mother that made me the person that I am right now. My story is not very happy nor did it end with living happily ever after. But my story is a reality that many of us has overlooked. The reality that love endures forever... even beyond death.

The End

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