Unearthing the feeling

I want to write about a thought that has occupied me since last night, but I do not know where to start. I tried getting inspiration from my previous entries and although I remember the feelings I had in writing those, I do not know how to unearth the feelings I have right now. Finally I decided to just repost the entries those entries and let it linger.

This entry is taken from this blog about a year ago:

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The prayer of a longing heart

"...It was not long ago when I started feeling differently about the things that are happening to me. This different feeling has developed into a longing for something or rather for someone. Believe it or not there is never a day that I do not think of that someone. A few months ago I decided that I will just wait how things will come. I will never be aggressive, I will never push my luck. I decided to stand firm in my convictions that love will come in a manner that only God dictates. The letters that I wrote her once a week became an activity that I looked forward to and for no apparent reason my life suddenly drifted around her. It's surprising because she never replied to any of the letters I sent her and yet each day I grow more and more engrossed by my feelings. I continued to ponder on this finding reason but finally just believing that something is happening outside my understanding. The love letter that I wrote a few days ago was something that came out just by thinking about her while my entries has somewhat revolved on topics about love. The Formal Dinner last Saturday although a disaster became somewhat of a cause for anticipation of next year's Formal Dinner. The talk of our rings coming and other class memorabilia do not come to me as a sign of achieving my dreams but a reminder that there has to be someone with me when I achieve my dreams. Maybe I am just imagining things, seeing everything as a reflection of something that I do not have but I remembered my prayer a long long time ago I realized she was the one, I said to God "Lord, guide my heart." I gave it all up to Him the moment I felt that tickle in my system and I am believing that it still is. With all the "funny" feelings I have I can just be hopeful and continue to believe in the beauty of this wonderful journey that I am going through. I guess I really am in love, by all means my heart tells me that I am in that state and I am finally accepting it. As I stand in silence talking to God in one dark corner with several others saying their own concerns, I finally admitted to God that I love her and I am trusting God to do what He has to do."

God, should I still go on??