Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Just Nostalgia

How much involvement can one really have on the things that he watch? I wonder now as I try to take my thought away from being so pissed at the turn of events of the Drama Series I am currently watching.

A couple of years back, I got hooked up with watching Dharma and Greg. I sure did enjoy Dharma's eccentric antics and Greg's conservative disposition. But more than that, the show somehow took me out of the things that I did not want to put myself into. The show basically brought be some place when all that matters is that the two main characters will patch up their differences and stay together.

I am contemplating on the realization that I can be so carried away when I begin to like what I watch. Believe it or not, even as I type this entry, my feet is like telling me to run back to the barracks and continue watching the show that I was pissed about earlier. Perhaps being the person that I am, I just can't help it but allow the emotional side of me to carry me through my world.

I realized that it speaks so much of the kind of personality I have. I guess the more I try to understand myself, the more I become sure of what I want. And maybe, the fact that I am somehow isolating myself to the "world" has given me this opportunity to be with myself and enjoy it.

A few days ago, I decided to just walk. After eating supper, I started walking. I figured I had plenty of time (around 30 minutes) so I decided to take a really SLOW walk. I did not bring along anyone with me, I just wanted to be with myself. Well, here in PMA, its not like I have so many places to go to when walking, so the place wasn't knew, it was more of contemplation of the things that happened to me in the past years that I am in this place. I look at the Flirtration walk and remember my framed picture at our house long time ago where I was wearing a red jumper and was 4 years old. I look at the cadets praying (the plebes especially) and remembered how I used to cry when I pray back when I was a struggling plebe and pleading for God to help me continue. I see upperclassmen talking to their plebes and remember how I used to do the same hoping that I get my point across despite of the fact that I make their lives a living hell. I remember the few times that I had to run the same ground because I was complying and order as a punishment to a laxity I made. In the 30 minutes that I was just walking the place, it came to me that I just might miss the place when I finally leave it in 8 months time. I realized that the reason why I wanted to be out of touch was because I simply want to start saying goodbye to this place. Believe it or not, inasmuch as I look forward to finally graduating, I hate the fact that I am leaving.

I'm sorry that I seem to not go into being insightful and once again center on my ego. But I guess, although I am not depressed, I am nostalgic. How do you leave a place that gave you your dreams?

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