Sunday, November 18, 2007

A Special Day

I spent a very good day today. Coming from the hospital yesterday after being confined overnight, I just had so much energy to be able to do a lot of things. So after again being in front of the computer watching DVDs, I went to the church to practice the next day's praise and worship songs. You see, I normally do not lead the worship songs unless I choose which songs to sing but for some reason I agreed. The result was one good routine, something that I have not experienced for the longest time. In my mind, as I was singing the songs I could feel the very reason why I love singing to the Lord in the first place. I was almost in tears just trying my best to prevent it as I was in front of a PMA crowd in my cadet uniform. It was just a great experience that I can not exactly describe into words.

Later during the day, I finished the last of the episodes of the series I am currently watching to realized that at the end of it all, I was again becoming too emotional and all. The feeling is different as to the last time because as I sat in front of that computer monitor by myself, I got a glimpse of the things that I value the most and had some sort of validation why I valued it. Yes, I love watching dramas and it does not make me lesser of a person. It maybe my way of being able to contemplate about my life away from the regimented military institution at least I know how to maintain my sanity. So I came to a thought.

You see, we come to a point when the choices we made in our life becomes daunting. Its results already staring at us, lessons already revealed and sometimes, the pain already being felt. Its not very often that we come to a stage in our life that we get to have this instance where we realize if the choice we made a long time ago was the right choice. The thing that made today special is that it was that day. Imagine when for the whole day, the most important stages of your life seems to run over and over inside your head that every bit of it gathers a new meaning that you have not realized before. Think about a time when things of the past started to made sense. It was that day.

I realized that I was falling in love. Not falling in love in the romantic way as I usually whine about, but I am falling in love with the fact that through the years that I have not been so sure of the decisions that I made but decided anyway, I have learned to trust more rather than worry. I have been convinced that it is better to love more even when it is not reciprocated because in reality loving can never be "UN"-reciprocated. I have learned to be happy with everything that life offers me even if I do not understand it all because I know that God will always have His way of surprising me with valuable lessons that I could have never learned have I tried to know it all. I have learned to trust myself more than my desires and do things as my heart tells me all in the name of faith. Well, this could not have been brought about by being in the hospital, being able to feel good while singing and seriously not about a drama series. I think its more of a time when we are so in touch with ourselves that we get to experience the very essence of our existence. I think its about having that assurance that my life has always been in God's hand.

The days ahead will be full of beautiful and wonderful things and I can't wait for it to come. I love you people....

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