Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Of wanting to go back

A few month ago, this entry would have been ridiculous but I write it now.

It has been three months since I boarded a C-130 plane bound to Davao. The excitement was just so much as I was very eager to finally do the things that I have prepared for in the four years that I was at the Academy. It was initially difficult as I try to establish myself to my new environment. I know had more responsibilities, more freedom and was in a new place. It was a good place to start a long career in the military.

Davao in some way is very much similar to Dumaguete City, I place that I love so much. Aside from it bigger in terms of land area, the people and the atmosphere reminds me of the beautiful place that I discovered myself back when I was young. Although it was my first time to come to the Land of bountiful Durians, the adjustment to the place seemed natural as I was already used to a laid back lifestyle in a growing yet very friendly city. As the days turned into weeks, then into months, I slowly learned to enjoy the new life I had away from the pine trees of Baguio and more especially, to the people that I love.

The days that came was a blur as I was again bombarded with new concepts that would make me better prepared to my responsibility as a new lieutenant. My eagerness to go out in the field grew by the day as I begin to become bored with classroom instructions and endless practical exams similar to that in the Academy.

Meeting family also made my experience more interesting. Imagining coming to a new place with no resemblance of family and having no place to go and then learning that you had relatives in the area. To my relief, Panabo City became a "pseudo-home" as I had an uncle (my father's cousin) who welcomed me into his humble home. I just love being able to talk to them about things knowing that we have the same family name although it was the first time that I met them. I enjoyed the thought that I had family in this place and looked forward to wonderful memories that I will be spending with them in the many years that I will be assigned here.

When I was finally assigned to do what I am supposed to do, it was still good. Meeting new people and somehow, the respect that they give me because of my rank was overwhelming although I love it. But then again, the training that I got reminded me that these treatment should always be compensated by the service that I should be giving them. The experience paved way to many interesting discoveries about the people that I serve, my country and more especially discoveries about myself. When one actually immerses himself in a community and try to really connect with them, something inside just comes into play and your person just consumes them. From thinking that the assignment was merely a job, I found myself personally convicted to give justice to the plight of this people and be true their soldier.

Yes, so many things have happened and now I go back to my first sentence. I could say that the life that I have created is something that some people my age will envy. I have a steady job, a good pay for a bachelor and the whole world to conquer. But I realized, how responsibilities can just consume a person later realizing that you have lost the kind of person that you truly are. I remember telling people that I meet now how simple their life is. I look at myself now as someone who, at a very young age, is trying to make a difference out of the lives of many of my countrymen. Here I am trying to carry a tremendous responsibility and I should say being good at it but in the process losing the person that I am. My responsibilities have somewhat overshadowed the person inside me which has eaten up the fun and joy that I should be experiencing. As I said, the things that I write now about what I do may seem ridiculous if placed side by side to my past entries on how I dreamed to be in the place I am now. I know this is just a feeling that I have and again this blog is my witness.

I love my life, I love it because I am able to do something that I never thought I could do. I am here in a strange place making a difference to people that I do not know. But deep inside is a grieving young man wanting to just be the person that I am. I am praying harder and harder each day and just like everything else, this too will come to pass and I know everything is here for a reason. May God help me

No comments: