I just got deficient

Before I begin my sonata on my frustration on getting failing exam results let me give you a background of the way cadets are graded. You see, cadets are using a 10 point grading system. In this grading system 7 is the passing. So in our Lesson Exams (we callin LE's) which is usually ten points you must get 7 to pass. If you get only six that makes you deficient by one point, so to catch up you have to get at least 8 on the next LE for your grade to be tangent (meaning, just barely passing) so if you get a 0.0 in one LE you would have to get two perfect LEs plus an 8. So you see if you fail in consecutive LEs chances are you will have a very hard time trying to catch up and probably you'll end up being discharged or turn-back. And so my frustration really is because of the two LEs that were just returned in my Calculus class. In my previous entry, I was so proud because I was one of the few cadets who were not deficient in any of the subjects, now its all of us. But my frustration is not really on that, its because when I scrutinized my paper there were so many points that they could have added if they just checked it properly, I mean one point is already something that I will be happy about. I hate to think that the Department of Mathematics simply are so inconsiderate in checking papers that they do not realize the magnitude of deducting even a point to my already tangent grade. That is the reason why in most cases the most dreaded subject really is Mathematics, and its not because were not good at Math, mind you when I was enrolled in a civilian college, I only go to class during exams but still I had the biggest grade for Algebra, the reason really is that aside from the so many pressures we have to deal with as cadets, we have to deal with a standard that is 70% for a passing grade plus some inconsiderate instructors. Well, I can go on and on doing my litany of frustrations but the fact remains that I just have to try harder as in harder...... Well, wish me luck, the next time I'll make sure they won't even think of deducting a point.......

Just thought of blogging

Last April 8 when I was on informal leave and I was walking around Cubao area, I went into this bookstore that has a lot of books. Actually I was looking for another copy of Da Vinci Code to replace my father's copy which I lent to an upperclass. Anyway, I spent about 1500 on books from that bookstore and aside from Da Vinci Code, I bought an anthology of Philippine Short Stories written by authors of this century. I bought the book because at that time I was fascinated with short stories plus I have a subject right now on Philippine Literature so I felt that book might help me; of course my usual liking for reading so a compilation of short stories might just give me the variety I need. Anyway, I wrote my short story for the Corps Magazine and somehow the events kind of introduced me to a new world where I think I can play to. I became so engrossed with thinking about plots of story that I want to write. So, I actually developed this liking to writing short stories, exploring the countless possibilities that its world can offer. I have decided to make another website where I can post the stories that I wrote and then possibly ask for comments maybe that way I'll improve my way of writing who knows, I just might win a Palanca in the future hahaha... again I'm dreaming but it could happen.

I also was able to get in touch to yet another one of the important ladies in my life. I saw her sister's account in friendster and from that I was able to get her number. Basically, I just like the feeling that I'm getting in touch with her although as before shes not really into texting and inasmuch as I want to call her, I have no money. Well, the reason why I am sharing this is that I really like the feeling of meeting people again. I bet if I'll meet her when I go on break we'll have a lot to talk about especially about the things that have happened to our lives since the last time we saw each other around 4 years ago. Before I forget, she is an important lady in my life because she taught me so many things about love, women and even relationships, I guess she does not know that maybe I'll tell her when I see her again, akala nya lang siguro I was just madly in love with her then. I hope she reads this.....

I'm being haunted again by the seemingly immature antics of some of the people in this Academy. Well, I just have to deal with the fact that although they seem to lack the breeding that is expected of them as the country's the best and the brightest, they still are my senior and leadership entails that one also knows obedience. I'm asking my classmates how to deal with this new development and my convictions stands still, I won't give him the chance to prove to himself that what he is doing is the right thing. I hope he also reads this.

I just learned today that I am one of the few who is still not deficient in any of our subjects. This morning we had our first major exam in Calculus and I think I answered that exam quite well, but of course I still have to wait for the results. Anyway, I want to go on privilege, at least now I know that I earned it because I'm not deficient not unlike before when most of my classmates went out so that they can maximize before the red grades starts to massacre our ranks. I do not know where to go well, I'll think of something.

And so this is it for now I hope to write some food for thought again rather than the "happenings" of my life. I think some wisdom that I derive from the experiences that I have.... Oh before I forget let us offer a one minute prayer to the late 2Lt Fabia who died this morning in an ambush, he was my classmate... may he rest in peace....

New and exciting things

It has been long since I last entered something from this blog and I think I have so much to say. Now it dawned on me how hard my subjects are for this semester and I think I will be having a hard time coping up but I'm adjusting though. Earlier today I had a lesson exam on Calculus and although I know how to get the anwers to the problems given there was just not enough time. My instructor went out of the room after she gave us our exam and when she came back without any warning whatsoever she ordered "Cease work". That simply means that we have to submit our papers and for my part I wasn't able to finalize my answers. Up to the time that I went back to my room I was so angry at my teacher, you see with exams like those we have to maximize the proficiency we can earn for we do not know when the lesson gets hard. The only way not to be pressured much is to have a headstart, that means proficiency in the early part of the lessons. Well, I just have to be sure next time.

I already finished my short story for the Corps Mag. That story gives me smile and everytime I read it I imagine how the character that I used will react once she reads it herself. Well as a friend would put it, "Patience is a virtue". My book review on the Da Vinci Code is still in the process but it will be finished soon. All is well now, nothing much except that I have to study some more especially with Calculus......

To my friends sana itext nyo rin ako.......

Nothing to Blog about...

I really have nothing to blog about. Well maybe I'll begin with things that have happened this past days and maybe I'll come up with some sense as I go along.

I already finished my short story for the Corps Magazine and right now I'm in the process of writing my book review about the controversial Da Vinci Code. I think many are actually waiting for that review as I have been constantly told to review that material. I think that the book was very wonderfully told only that what was told was full of bulls**t. Forgive my reaction but in as much as the book has all the wonderful elements of good story telling it basically deceives people and sad to say its impact is so great that some people actually accepted what was said, even I was deceived at some point but then I just had to ask more questions and then I found out things that basically refutes what the book was telling. I am not saying this because I am a Christian but really its something that we should read as a past time and do not take what was stated as it is.

I just realized that a friend of mine is now working in Baguio, what the hell was he thinking not telling me that he is here all the while, I could have applied for privilege and then maybe meet up with him for some fun, well maybe some people are just like that.....

I'm to write something that might just make me popular... hahaha anyway, I'll continue this one later I have to go to mess... ciao

Crying on weddings

I did not cry on the wedding that's for sure, but I saw two of the most unlikely people to cry. I started to wonder how weddings in the family can allow people to just be emotional. When I gave the toast, I made it a point that I will have to tell kuya not to mess up and to learn from our lessons growing up. I also pointed out how we should stick together, the three of us, no matter what happens. I do not know what happened but when the others started saying their own piece they were kind of emotional until Daddy spoke. I realized then that although it may seem that Daddy is so proud of himself, so arrogant not to accept his mistakes as a father, he was simply trying to convince himself. That deep inside he knew what he did was terribly wrong and for the first time, I heard him admit his shortcomings in public. I think for all parents that is so sad to admit. I mean, you stand in front of so many people, most of which know you very well and there say that you were not so good in raising your children. Maybe around this time when the three of us are starting to be independent, live our own lives and try to be the best adults we can be, daddy is starting to realize how much he has lost by doing what he did. For one, I think he has realized how much distant the three of us to him especially Alvin and that somehow I think no matter what he does he will never be able to change the fact that Alvin has so much resentment for him and that although Alvin is trying his best to treat Daddy the way a father should be treated, they just do not know each other. I think what made Daddy shed some tear was that despite of everything that he has done or has not done as a father, the three of us came out to be actually good people. In the absence of a mother who has to go some place so that she can support us, amidst growing up by ourselves, committing mistakes that we could have avoided had there been an adult to supervise how we go about things, we came out good individuals and shall I say better than others who have had a normal childhood. The truth of the matter is, I'm damn proud that it had to be that hard. Now I think, what could be harder. And so the wedding is over and in a little while I will go back to Baguio City and go on being a Cadet. I go back to marching, studying and all other stuff but I did enjoy this little vacation. Events like this really makes you want to be better.

Notes:

• I had a very nice time with people that culminated at around 6:30 in the morning. The thing is I wasn't drunk, the closest thing to alcohol that came inside my system was Cali
• I bought books... books again

Conquering loneliness

I do not know if the title is apt for this entry. When the window appeared on the screen the title just popped out of my mind and there it is. Maybe its some topic that I have been dwelling on subconsciously so since its already there I might as well start this entry with my title. Okay, loneliness, well I think lonely is a word to describe my classmates who failed in the first wave of lesson exams we have today. In my Psychology class this morning more than half of my section failed, which simply means that more than half of my section can not go on privilege this weekend if ever they want to, of course it was good that I passed that exam thanks to sitting in front of the teacher so even my eyes just wanted to close, the fact that the teacher was right in front of me surely helped me not to give in to my "physical desires". Now I know why loneliness, I realized that in the past days, I have been sitting in front of the computer inside my room trying to make out something with my sensibility worthy enough to be given a space in the next issue of the Corps Magazine. I reason that it might be because of loneliness. Here's the scenario, I begin to write from my mind, almost spontaneously, just typing and typing and really I do think that what is actually unfolding on my screen is making sense then suddenly there's nothing. I mean suddenly the sense that I was typing about goes to a dead end and my mind goes blank... as in blank. Right now as I type this words, I kind of make sense but then in a little while I just might go blank. Of course in this blog, I could practically write without really making sense, but that will not be possible when writing for the Corps Magazine. Early on I kind of had an outline on topics that I will write for the Incorporation Issue. There is this critique about the Da Vinci Code, then there is this short story and some opinion about followership and so many other ideas but my mind just hangs and suddenly the words are gone and although I have a very clear picture of what I want to write about, I just go blank. I reasoned that this might just be because of loneliness. Mind you, I do enjoy being here, in fact I wouldn't replace my stay here in the Academy for anything in the world, except if they will have me graduate sooner :) But really, even if I see this institution as the fulfillment of my dream, I feel that something is just amiss. I remembered in one of my conversations with Hiyas, we were talking about the lacking ingredient in our lives. We resolved that I came to a point that there is already direction on my life and so I tend to find the missing parts. I do not want to expound in this but really what is the next thing that would complete me now that I am living my dream? And being in this place where socialization with people is not that available, I tend to dwell in the loneliness of not having enough people to be with, of course I do love my classmates, but then there is just something that is amiss and to be really honest that is what I miss about being a "carefree civilian" But then again, maybe something will solve this. For now I try to live each day hopefully I will be able to study still and hope not to be deficient in any of my subjects especially Calculus.

Newsflash:

• I will be going on Informal leave (hopefully since the communications is still to be approved by the Commandant of Cadets) basta sana I'll have the time of my life in that short break
• I got a 9.0 in my Lesson Exam in Psychology earlier today, its quite good since most of my classmates failed that exam.
• I think my answers were correct in my lesson exam in Calculus today, sana lang talaga kahit 8.0 lang

So that's all for now, mga friends ko sana itext nyo ako pag nagparamdam ako ng open call, especiially during weekdays. Mind you pag gabi 30 minutes lang yung open call so 30 minutes lang rin akong magtetext so sana lang pagtyagaan nyo ako in that 30 minutes....... Please

Inside the world of "coolments"

Coolments is the term cadets use to refer to being relaxed. It is a state where there is not much pressure and that everything is done in a "cool" manner. Having been recently promoted from lowest mammal as fourthclassmen to yearlings, its a new experience living cadet life being relaxed... in cadet parlance -- COOLMENTS. The experience is something new and in some extent surprising. In the new world that I am living life now, those that I feared most last year seem to have taken the kindness pill and you wonder where all the rage was. If in the previous year smiling was a mortal sin, now smiling is an instinct, something that you just have to do for lack of any other reaction to the somewhat new personality that you see in the upperclass. Being able to do as you please without really putting much consideration on how this something will turn into an offense is a new experience, something that makes you realize how all the things that happened were king of a joke.... Nope. The truth is, being in this state makes you understand that all of the things that happened were all part of training and although at times one would feel that they went overboard its was part of the role they have to play. Admissibly, there are those who really took advantage of their being my seniors and may they suffer for their actions, but to the majority, I realized that in asmuch as I hated how they made my life miserable, it kind of makes me understand how all that is here in PMA is part of the training we must pass to be able to serve the country in the near future. The world of rotment is over and now we are faced with another rotment. Tomorrow is the first day of our classes and I wonder what the difference is now that I have my stripe on my sleeve, its a good thing to wonder but then its a better thing to do what is to be done and pray hard that everything will go well.... just like I did the previous year.

NOTES:

• I already finished reading Da Vinci Code and I have decided to write something about the book in the next issue of the Corps Magazine. It will not really be a book review like the previous ones I wrote so I just hope any of you can read it when it comes out sometime early July
• I hope I can go home this weekend to attend my brother's wedding, I'm crossing my fingers
• I had a good time leading the Praise and Worship at church today... well I just want to say that :)