Latenight Computing

Its almost midnight and believe it or not I'm in front of a computer screen just like the old days. I realized that I miss this kind of stuff. Well, we are allowed to access the internet up to midnight now because we are finishing our project in Management Information System (MIS). Don't ask me because I'm also trying to understand what this subject will do to make me a better soldier. Anyway, although I just came from a very tiring guard posting, I'm here in front of the computer doing what I love to do.... BLOGGING. Most people really do not understand what is so fun with writing anything online. At first, I also felt that those who enjoy doing what I do now are some kind of neurotic individuals. But then when I started doing it, it was fun. I mean if I would read my entries from last year or from last month I can not help it but wonder how I came up with ideas like those. One might say that everything that I type here might just be lost in oblivion, maybe forgotten. Well, a few days ago I started reading my previous entries and I enjoyed it, I even forgot that it was me who wrote it. I think that the fun in blogging is on the ability to capture memories that will simply be lost into oblivion. I enjoy being able to just say my mind without bothering who is reading. This activity gives me the sense of freedom that I think most people are looking for. Look at it this way, people will argue with me on why I do this and I can go on debating on them about it, which will eventually be a waste of time because practically his or her opinion doesn't matter. You see, for some people, they don't realize that they really have nothing to prove to anybody, the only person that they have to please is that one person that is not so hard to please; YOURSELF. Looking it at that context, blogging can really be fun. If those who read this do not like what I say, then be it, maybe they can go to some other site that will say that they are wonderful people and that they will die wondering why most people won't believe that they are wonderful. But I'll take you in on a little secret, I won't even spend one second wondering if people think that I am a wonderful person, the fact that I believe I am a wonderful person simply proves that I am, if you want to argue with me then go argue with yourself..... hehehehe

Well the truth of the matter is, we will never be able to please everybody, we must realize that the world is not about pleasing people, rather it is about our sense of value on ourselves. I am not saying that we become insensitive with our surroundings, let us just not allow our surroundings to dictate how we should be as persons. I am beginning to think that I can write a novel but then the clock ticks and tommorrow I wake up at 5:30 and start another day as a cadet..... Well that is just how it will be......

Newsflash

• One battallion is going down to manila for Independence Day to go on parade there are also rumors that we will have a break next month
• Calculus is being crushed to death by my exam results... hehehe

Till then.......

I miss the people

To day I received a testimonial from another of my favorite cousins. The testimonial really did not make that much sense but it sure did made me smile. I actually missed her when I read her testimonial, well not just her but the whole "gang" we had at San Carlos. During the days when all we had to do was show up at our Uncle's Bar and try not to be drunk, or in case we ever get drunk we had to make sure that we'll have the best time. Well, I miss that kind of stuff, when after sometime we just have to pretend nothing happened since we are so ashamed of ourselves for being that crazy. Sometimes, especially after mess when I'm walking back towards the barracks, I am able to think about things and that is where I usually feel the loneliness and it is by then that I miss the people. I realize how hard it is not being able to do whatever it is I want and not enjoying the company of the people I like to hang out with. As I said before, the sad thing about PMA and living your dream as a full government scholar is that it just gets lonely at times. Honestly there are really times that I feel that the loneliness is not worth all the benefits that I am getting as a cadet, but of course I ignore those feelings and go on with my training. As people would put it, we can never really get everything we want. I remembered how a few years back I would proudly declare that I would give up everything just to be able to go back to the Philippine Military Academy as a cadet. Now, there are times, I mean a lot of times, that I kind of feel good about the idea of not being a cadet. But of course, feelings change depending on your present situation, what remains is that living out what we are to do in this world, living with a purpose and fulfilling that purpose. I believe its not just me. I believe for everybody what I am feeling every now and then is natural but what becomes the deciding factor in our lives is what we believe is our purpose here in life. Amidst the feeling of loneliness, life becomes meaningful when we are to overcome our greatest enemy, and that is ourselves. Most people will deny this, but really our greatest enemy is ourselves, if you try to dissect everything that happens in this world it is always a battle within yourelf, the rest of the world are just details, we just have become used to the habit of paying more attention to the details. And so my point is, this is life and even if there is a mixture of so many feelings, confusions, dreams, frustrations at time, the fact of life is that THAT IS LIFE. It is not too hard to understand and until such time we are able to deal with that we'll never know what we want to do with our lives.

But I still miss the people....

And then there's the derivatives

It seems that all that I am posting about this past days are all about Calculus, of course it is a major concern for me because that subject alone will determine my stay in my beloved Philippine Military Academy. With my deficiency down to less than 5 points in a few days I will be texting again. But then the subject has taken its toll. Have I been proficient I would be going down to manila this weekend.... sayang!!!

Anyway we just started with derivatives today and I'm planning to study the whole afternoon after this.... grabe this is me and I'm not joking... of course that is after I write my letter to my friend.... anyway I'll study now......

It's going down

This is the situation. Initially, I had 13 deficiency points and considering that I am now off limits to my cellphone, I promised myself that I will get back at Calculus for denying me of the privilege of texting my friends and those that I want to be friends..... Well, I gave myself two weeks but it seems its going to be less, as of the moment I have 10.4, its approaching the single digit figure and I still have another LE which I'm so confident that I had a 10.0 then there is the Unit Exam tomorrow. So, if all goes well, I'm bidding goodbye to the deficiency list by next week. And so I go back to my blog cheerfully declaring that I am winning the war... yes... Its going down.....

You also notice the new lay-out. This is actually because of a project in my MIS class and I made my website my project so I just have to incorporate the other things. Anyway, that's it for now.... in a few more days I'll be texting again :)

All out war against Calculus

Our Tactical Officer talked to the thirdclass cadets tonight shortly after Evening call to quarters (ECTQ) and the main topic was about the alarming deficiency rate of my class in Calculus. My instructor revealed today that 70% of my class is deficient in the subject and I predict that may still rise in the coming days. Only around 30 cadets in my class out of about 260 total strength has a grade that is passing in the subject and some are just clinging on to that elusive 7.0. My tactical officer made new policies to force us to study, all privileges are cancelled and the saddest thing of it all is that we are not allowed to use our cellphones unless we become proficient. As of today, I have lessened my deficiency from 13 to 11 which is a feat in itself as most of my classmates are accumulating more and more with each lesson exam. Needless to say, this is a problem that is very great in magnitude as in great to the point that even the Superintendent is alarmed. If this continues, by next semester my class will be massacared.

I really do not feel good about all these things. For one, I know that I am good at math, the only reason that I am deficient is simply because I did not take this matter seriously and now it came to this point that I will have to be deprived of certain privileges that are the few things that make me smile in this part of the world. I am not panicking for I know that I will eventually end up victorious over calculus, I'm also hoping that I'll still make it to Dean's list. Of course, that is still to distant to think about. Right now I have to continue studying. I am declaring an all out war agains Calculus. I will show no mercy to that subject and I'll prove to them who's better. I earned my way to be here, with my stripe on my sleeves, I'm living my dream and its not Calculus that will take away that dream. I'll give them a battle that they will surely be defeated...... This is an all out war--- And I'm still smiling