Love hurts

Let me tell you a story. Falling in love is just so amazing, I wonder how it moves people into doing what they normally wouldn't do. Well, in the past days I was a witness to a love story unfolding right before my very own eyes. The characters are normal people; my room mate and his girlfriend. The situation is this, my roommate is with this girl for about three years now. At first I thought he really does not love the girl, especially when he talks about his flings but then the events that unfolded this past days kind of reminded me of things that have happened to another person in a different stage of my life.

Here in the Philippine Military Academy, we are the stars. When we walk, people look at us, they see us as if we're some kind of movie icons and mind you they ask us to be in a picture with them. Well, perhaps it is the uniform, maybe the PMA "thing" but this is the thing that kind of makes our life here a little bit interesting. When we see beautiful ladies roaming around our Camp and then ask for their numbers it is very seldom that they refuse and often times it is only because they are attached to someone else. So to put it simply, as cadets we are heart throbs. And so the story goes that my room mate, who is also a cadet, has had his share of being sought after by ladies. Of course, when loneliness sets in, we just can't help it, its there laid in a silver platter. But it is not to say that we are some maniacs who simply take advantage of the prestige we are accorded as cadets. And this is the point I am to drive at as I go on with this story.

The downside of being a cadet is when we have to bear the loneliness of being far away. We try to be the best that we can be despite of the separation from the people that love us, the people that support us, and the people that we want to be with. And this is what happened. My room mate had to bear the loneliness to be distant from his loved one. The conflict begins when his girlfriend eventually meets up with another guy from her place. Well, I could say that the guy was simply willing to listen. And then it happened. In one of the letters of my roommate's girlfriend she said that she went on "bonding" with this guy. This word actually caused so much stir that it lead to a series of sleepless nights for my roommate and also for me and my other roommates who just had to listen to his unending sonata of frustrations over his seemingly troubled relationship. And then finally, in one phone call, my room mate broke down-- he cried, as in he cried like a little baby. I wonder how intense his feeling thatit caused him to cry. At that point, I believed him when he said that he really loved his girlfriend. My roommate is some guy who has all the potential of being great at what he does. I mean we are to become soldiers, our spirits are solid rock, but then at the end of if all, love will melt that spirit. You see, here in the prestigious Philippine Military Academy, when the rest of the world thinks that we are some brat who waste the government's money, we are human beings. Although people may perceive as to be unfaithful, and our girlfriends always has this notion that we go around dating whoever it is that comes our way inside the halls of Fort del Pilar, we are loving individuals. Just like the rest of those who belong to the male species, we feel the same love that they feel, we are able to offer the same love that they are able to offer, and we feel devastated just like the way others are devastated when their relationship fails. Yes, love hurts and it hurts bad even from where we are...

In the last 24 hours

My feeling right now is kind of weird. So many thing happened in a very short time. Yesterday, we had visitors at the mess hall, they were the officers of the Philippine Air Force Flying School and it was nice to chat with my upperclass who are now officers, then tragedy struck 4 of them crashed just a few kilometers near Baguio, and then we have the first casualties of the PMA class of 2001, four actually, they were my brother's classmates. It's the talk of everybody in the barracks the whole day and we can just feel sad knowing that another one of our ranks have perished doing their duty......

And then I was browsing through my friends list in friendster and suddenly I missed my brother. I clicked on his profile and read all of the testimonials to him by his friends and I realized that my brother is such a good person. Actually, I kind of remembered how true the testimonials were for my brother. Like the Jordan thing, believe it or not, even now I, I used the word GULANTANG in so many ways because I first heard it from my brother who simply has this weird taste for funny sounding words such as Mangmang and others. I realized that we are indeed drifting apart and soon we will be living different lives and we'll just see each other every now and then. I remembered the last time I talked to him in a sentimental way was the day before I was going back to Baguio last March. It was in Jollibee after we rented VCDs, I could see the maturity of my brother who has changed so much from the little boy who use to throw tantrums when he does not like the food served in the table. I remembered how he used to cry all by himself when he remembers my mother and then tries his very best to hide it from us. Well, I hope he visits me here one of this days, that would really make me very happy maybe talk to him about things, about life, about plans even about topics that we never talked about before. I wanted to share to him my insights about several issues about life, things that I learned and things that I wanted to say to him that I was never able to say. I hope he becomes a good person, lives a good life and raises a perfect family. Well, I'm just lonely

I have nothing to say now, maybe I'll write again sometime when I'm not being too sentimental :)

Deficiency check!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, my deficiency in Differential Calculus is now down to 2.4 and it's still going down :)

Latenight Computing

Its almost midnight and believe it or not I'm in front of a computer screen just like the old days. I realized that I miss this kind of stuff. Well, we are allowed to access the internet up to midnight now because we are finishing our project in Management Information System (MIS). Don't ask me because I'm also trying to understand what this subject will do to make me a better soldier. Anyway, although I just came from a very tiring guard posting, I'm here in front of the computer doing what I love to do.... BLOGGING. Most people really do not understand what is so fun with writing anything online. At first, I also felt that those who enjoy doing what I do now are some kind of neurotic individuals. But then when I started doing it, it was fun. I mean if I would read my entries from last year or from last month I can not help it but wonder how I came up with ideas like those. One might say that everything that I type here might just be lost in oblivion, maybe forgotten. Well, a few days ago I started reading my previous entries and I enjoyed it, I even forgot that it was me who wrote it. I think that the fun in blogging is on the ability to capture memories that will simply be lost into oblivion. I enjoy being able to just say my mind without bothering who is reading. This activity gives me the sense of freedom that I think most people are looking for. Look at it this way, people will argue with me on why I do this and I can go on debating on them about it, which will eventually be a waste of time because practically his or her opinion doesn't matter. You see, for some people, they don't realize that they really have nothing to prove to anybody, the only person that they have to please is that one person that is not so hard to please; YOURSELF. Looking it at that context, blogging can really be fun. If those who read this do not like what I say, then be it, maybe they can go to some other site that will say that they are wonderful people and that they will die wondering why most people won't believe that they are wonderful. But I'll take you in on a little secret, I won't even spend one second wondering if people think that I am a wonderful person, the fact that I believe I am a wonderful person simply proves that I am, if you want to argue with me then go argue with yourself..... hehehehe

Well the truth of the matter is, we will never be able to please everybody, we must realize that the world is not about pleasing people, rather it is about our sense of value on ourselves. I am not saying that we become insensitive with our surroundings, let us just not allow our surroundings to dictate how we should be as persons. I am beginning to think that I can write a novel but then the clock ticks and tommorrow I wake up at 5:30 and start another day as a cadet..... Well that is just how it will be......

Newsflash

• One battallion is going down to manila for Independence Day to go on parade there are also rumors that we will have a break next month
• Calculus is being crushed to death by my exam results... hehehe

Till then.......

I miss the people

To day I received a testimonial from another of my favorite cousins. The testimonial really did not make that much sense but it sure did made me smile. I actually missed her when I read her testimonial, well not just her but the whole "gang" we had at San Carlos. During the days when all we had to do was show up at our Uncle's Bar and try not to be drunk, or in case we ever get drunk we had to make sure that we'll have the best time. Well, I miss that kind of stuff, when after sometime we just have to pretend nothing happened since we are so ashamed of ourselves for being that crazy. Sometimes, especially after mess when I'm walking back towards the barracks, I am able to think about things and that is where I usually feel the loneliness and it is by then that I miss the people. I realize how hard it is not being able to do whatever it is I want and not enjoying the company of the people I like to hang out with. As I said before, the sad thing about PMA and living your dream as a full government scholar is that it just gets lonely at times. Honestly there are really times that I feel that the loneliness is not worth all the benefits that I am getting as a cadet, but of course I ignore those feelings and go on with my training. As people would put it, we can never really get everything we want. I remembered how a few years back I would proudly declare that I would give up everything just to be able to go back to the Philippine Military Academy as a cadet. Now, there are times, I mean a lot of times, that I kind of feel good about the idea of not being a cadet. But of course, feelings change depending on your present situation, what remains is that living out what we are to do in this world, living with a purpose and fulfilling that purpose. I believe its not just me. I believe for everybody what I am feeling every now and then is natural but what becomes the deciding factor in our lives is what we believe is our purpose here in life. Amidst the feeling of loneliness, life becomes meaningful when we are to overcome our greatest enemy, and that is ourselves. Most people will deny this, but really our greatest enemy is ourselves, if you try to dissect everything that happens in this world it is always a battle within yourelf, the rest of the world are just details, we just have become used to the habit of paying more attention to the details. And so my point is, this is life and even if there is a mixture of so many feelings, confusions, dreams, frustrations at time, the fact of life is that THAT IS LIFE. It is not too hard to understand and until such time we are able to deal with that we'll never know what we want to do with our lives.

But I still miss the people....