The silence of the phone

I never realized how important my cellphone have become. A long long time ago, I was one of those who owned a cellphone when it was still 'hip" to own one. It was then a kind of a status symbol, and it was only Globe that had the short message service (it's the correct name of what we know as text messaging). There was also no limit then to the text messages you can send as long as your balance is at least 50 pesos, you can just text all you want. And then came the cellphone rush until finally everyone has it. Now it becomes some sort of a necessity. When one meets another person it is always assumed that he or she has a phone, back then I have to say that I had a phone where they can call me anytime. I realized now that back then it was very simple to meet people. You agree to meet at 8 o'clock and then you meet each other at 8 o'clock, now when you agree to meet at a certain time, early in the morning you will receive a text message reminding you of your meeting. About an hour before you are to meet, you will again receive a text message reminding you of your meeting in ano hour. Thirty to Fifteen minutes before the time, you again receive a text message saying "san ka na?" About five minutes before your meeting, you receive another text message saying "sorry, I got caught in traffic, hintay ka lang sandali." Finally about 30 minutes after your agreed time, you meet and you felt that it was alright because at least you were updated about his or her whereabouts. The fact that the person was late will never be discussed and life goes on.

Before, I use to receive lots and lots of letters from people all over. I received some from my mother who was in the States then, from my father who was somewhere around the country, a girl that I was once madly in love with, some friends from another island and the list goes on. Now, there's only one person who writes me letters and all because we understood the "personalizeness" of letters through the postal system. In the early days of text messaging, I decided that I will be unique, when I first had a cell phone, I told myself that I will always text in straight sentences and correct spelling and grammar. Back then I felt it was to be unique, later on I realized that I may just be the only one doing it. I understood why some of the children now have difficulty learning spelling. Above all, I understood why people have come to neglect the beauty of human emotion, of sincerity and respect to other people. Picture this, nowadays, the phone has become too impersonal that we even bother get in touch with people we do not really know. We do not care about who they really are, we do not care a thing, what matters is we enjoy what we are doing. Men who court women, no longer think of bright ideas to impress the girl instead, he looks for the best quotes and sends her text messages every now and then to ask if she has eaten, if she's all right, what she is doing and all this sort of thing. The saddest thing is that women fall for this. And then there is this I love you mwah mwah, that is saved in one of the templates in the phone that the a person sends to his or her loved one just in case he feels like saying it. Gone were the lines of pure poetry, lines that came directly from the heart whispered into the ear of a beautiful princess while you held her tight in your arms wishing that it would last forever. Today, people will admit to really knowing a person by mere exchange of text messages, sometimes even saying that they have fallen in love. Sadder still is the fact that they are so carried away by that set-up that they liken it to classic fairy tales that we have learned to love. My goodness, what is happening to the world? First and foremost, before prince charming was able to kiss sleeping beauty he had to fight the wicked witch. Before the prince found snow white he had to fight dragons. Before Alladin found Jasmine, he had to do something extraordinary like beating Jafaar. Now, its as simple as borrowing words and sending it for one peso per message. I realized that there are just things that were lost, things that I hope could be found again.

Every now and then, I feel bad over the silence of my phone. At this moment, I feel sorry for myself because not one of my friends bothered to even text me a simple good morning or good afternoon. I feel bad because I know I have so much to say to a person, about how I truly feel, about how much I cared for them, about how I appreciate the fact that they are part of my life, but then the phone is not just the thing to express this things. The phone is a tool that has made communication simpler but it is never able to evoke the bounty that can only be found in a genuine person. I like to say I love you to people, telling them that life was different when I met them, but noone seems to listen nowadays, all they hear are the beeps of their phones and yet they wonder why their life is so miserable. Well, sometimes try listening to the silence of the phone perhaps deep inside, you'll hear your heart beating, beating according to what is really important in this world.

Rethinking what it takes

I started to rethink things about what it takes for a person to be able to make a difference of what we do as people. I am now in a Leadership Institute at the majestic place of Caliraya Re-Creation Center across Caliraya Lake overlooking Laguna de Bay. The beauty that abounds me just seems so perfect that I can not help it but be in a contemplative mood.

When I first arrived here, I hated the fact that I was given a responsibility that I do not know if I can take. I felt that it was forced on me and my group and that it was some kind of a blackmail on our part dragging along the name of my institution. I realized that for some people they have this set of expectations over our identity as cadets and I hated this. But then I realized that a responsibility is given whether it is forced or not is an opportunity to stand out, something that determines if whether or not a person is worthy to be relied upon on times of crisis. So the journey begins.

Meeting people is one of the joys I derive from my experiences as I move around. Bringing along with me some of the things I know and hoping to learn more. I met beautiful people. At first I felt that I was limited to knowing a few people but later I realized that this is how it should be. I felt that for some of the other people that are here, when they leave, they will forever forget the people that made the experience worthwhile. For me, I will have people that I will share fond memories with regardless if we end up really being friends. That is the sad thing about my existence, I meet people, know them, realize that they can be friends for life and then I go back to my life and be forced to pretend that nothing changed. The truth is, in every person that I meet, something in me has changed forever. Like this time in Caliraya, I met three lovely ladies and their teacher. One taught me that, language can bring damage even if you do not mean it. My being loud and all that has its disadvantages, I say too much that sometimes I am unaware that some of the words I use offend them. I hope she reads this. In PMA there are some words that have been incorporated in our lingo that we forget that it is offensive to others who do not speak our language, words like ungas are common expressions that basically mean that you got something wrong that is why you are ungas. When I say ungas ka, it simply means that you got something wrong. For that I am sorry. And then this one lady was so silent but when you get to see how she deal with things she's actually someone that you can learn many things. I was amazed with the way she delivered her extemporaneous speech, I just said she's great. And then there is this another lady who was simply like an angel but not most angel that I meet. I mean, here in PMA there are many angels, beautiful people but with nothing in between their ears as in nothing. With this girl, she just had the brains that go with her looks. At least I finally met one of those that have the beauty and brains. And then their teacher, who although she was the some kind of the "adult" in the group was also a very good companion. I enjoyed sharing to her my ideas on so many things, it was one of the conversations that I haven't had for the longest time. You see, PMA is like a world of pretensions, it is as if everybody is trying to show to people that they do not have a soft side, topics always had to be something that would validate ones superiority or ones better qualities. We do not talk about romance, about love even about God and to think this are some of the most important issues in our life.... And so what happens after all those... I wonder, I wonder if I can just go on with this routine finding people and then losing them. This is sad... I wonder if this is what it takes to fulfill a dream? I hope that by the time I get my dream all these people are still there.....Well that's life and I'm still hoping that everything will turn out well....

Leap of Faith

It's my third day back in Manila from the province and I am still mesmerized although not that much compared to when I first arrived. A few days back I seem to be completely restless, I do not know how to handle things for it was really quite a while since I last contemplated on something that involves or maybe "leads" to romance. No matter how I try to rationalize it, something in me just tells me that I have to do something and that is what I call my leap of faith.

In the last blog, I considered going to Cebu a leap of faith. It was not something that was part of the plan but I did. I figured that if there was to be something that will happen between me and that beauty I met, there should just be something more than our initial meeting amidst all the loud party we found ourselves into. And so I decided that there has to be another meeting. I wondered how it was going to be, I mean considering that she was somebody that seemed to be kikay and all that. But then, she came to see me in simple T-shirt and jeans which kind of gave me some assurance that she wasn't some showgirl who goes around looking like some primadonna and enjoying every bit of attention she's getting. I realized that I wouldn't be having problems going with her since I wouldn't look some servant following her. I have to admit that my fashion sense (if I had any) has deteriorated after being in PMA so I find it really hard to dress often wondering if I do not look some "taong grasa". So we talked and talked and I was particularly paying attention to the thoughts that I was sharing wanting to show things that I would like people to know about me. But then again, there is not much to say to people who I just recently met. I do not know what kind of things they like, what kind of people they like. I do not know but at some point I feel like something here is unreal and if my instincts are right I still had to create an impact so great that I will be taken seriously by this beauty. Now I wonder how I'm going to do this, with me here in Manila and to go back to Baguio in a few days. I do not know if I'm doing the right thing by calling her up every now and then, sometimes I feel that it seems I am becoming desperate also knowing that I am bordering between being sweet and a nuisance. I am also considering so many possibilities and I do not know which one is true. But then again, when I contemplate on things I realize that at the end of all these things knowing that intentions had been good althroughout kind of gives me that peace of mind that my leap of faith is not in vain. And so I continue to wonder whether or not something good will come out of whatever it is that I am doing. Well.......????

I'm mesmerized -- in CEBU

I'm waiting for someone so I decided to log on to the cyberspace. Surprisingly, I find myself in Cebu City instead of Dumaguete where I originally intended. The reason can be found in the post just before this one. I still have nothing to blog about because nothing has happened yet, maybe in the next coming days I will be able to write something.
Anyway, I was finally able to read The Little Prince while I was passing time earlier and that is why I decided to blog all of a sudden. The truth is I find the book very heart warming and its simplicity is just fantastic, nothing beats how it teaches something from a story so simple. I do not intend to write a review about it for I know that the book has become timeless already and no amount of review can give justice to the wonder of the book. There is more insight on me now that before I read the book and I reckon I might find these new insights useful in the next few minutes that I will be embarking on another leap of faith... Yes it is a leap of faith that I now find myself here in Cebu. I was contemplating earlier on the things that have happened and inasmuch as it seems so unreal, it also seems so exciting. I do not really know what will happen out of this "leap" I made but what I do know that there is no wrong intention in what I am doing, I was simply enthralled. I find it funny that I now use the words mesmerized and enthralled, I kind of remembered the time when I was laughing at Yas when her now boyfriend was using those words to woo her. I felt it was corny then and now I realized that I am becoming corny also. But I guess maybe this will just be one of the things that I will end up being happy doing irregardless of the outcome. I suddenly dread the day that I will leave Visayas and go back to Manila tomorrow and finally to Baguio maybe on the 15th. Of course, I do not feel that sad at all because in just a month will be Christmas Break. Now I am contemplating on the possibility that if the next few hours will be a blast, I just might find myself going back to Cebu for my Christmas Break (Sana). But then its too early to say, nothing is certain yet what I do know is that I am getting excited by the minute. The time now is somewhere near 5:30 and I'm hoping that time will just fly and stop when I finally see her. Today, I just have to gather all the self confidence I have even when I am not in uniform, as one Officer would put it, its the "so-what" attitude that spells the difference and now I know this is my only chance and its all systems go.... Well, I'm day dreaming again so I just have to end this entry now

The party is over

I haven't blogged for a while and that is why I deemed it necessary to write something after all the activities I had while on break. I am presently at San Carlos City, Negros Occidental who just had their City Fiesta. That explains why there seems to be no time to post something over the past few days when there was just so much to do, there was party all over and I just can't help but savor every bit of it. I enjoyed taking pictures of the festival having been entrusted by my uncle with his "miraculous" digital camera (its miraculous because it takes very good pictures) I only realized now that of all the more than 200 pictures I have taken over the past few days, none of it included me, I was not able to take pictures of myself. But then I can always claim that all the pictures were taken by me and I'm contented with that fact that it was good. I'm bringing along cds of the pictures I have taken hoping that I can make a something out of it and present it to the cyber world, to give you a glimpse of just how beautiful the festivities were, that I intend to do when I go back to Manila.

Speaking of beautiful, I was mesmerized by the beauty of one of the ladies I met in one of the parties that transpired. Incidentally, that beautiful face just bagged the Ms. San Carlos Crown the day before and by some twist of fate ended up talking to me finally exchanging numbers. Now I'm wondering if I should still pass through Cebu (which is not part of the original plan but is the place where she is now) or just go directly to Dumaguete and just hope to God she'll remember a part of me during the times that I will bother texting her of all the nonsense I could think of. I'm contemplating on the fact that I might not have created a lasting impression when we met since we were basically in the middle of a huge party and that she just can't help it but be friendly considering that she just became a beauty queen the day before. I am really seriously considering going to Cebu with enough money still on my pocket, it was a good thing I did not spend that much.... Hahahaha

And so that is what has happened so far, the party is over but my break still has two more weeks and I intend to spend the rest of it in Manila, it was a good thing that I was able to buy my ticket earlier, airfare now has dramatically increased and that would certainly be a problem. Well, all this EVAT thing and my ignorance on the Pinoy Big Brother Craze is certainly something that amuses people, but at least I know how the REAL world functions.

So this is where I end for now watch out for the pictures I'll be posting maybe as a website..... Just watch out.... It will include Body Painting Pictures (the ladies are really topless, wearing only t-back panties, of course you can not recognize the breasts since its covered with paint, but still the breasts are bare) and of course the Pintaflores Street Dancing and other festivities so that's it for now ciao....