The Field Trip (Introduction to a four-part series)

I arrived last night from a very fun filled Field Trip for my Environmental Science Class. I enjoyed it a lot considering that I did not go on break, seeing other people that do not wear the uniform gave me something to be happy about.

Anyway, I have decided to write everything that happened in that trip. I am dividing it into four parts , the first of which will come out tomorrow, if I will have time to write about it. I am still getting all the pictures that I need for the write-up.

To start with, as a somewhat introduction, I will begin to write about the trip as a whole. Personally, there was this sense of urgency in the issues that were brought up in the trip. Although I was more interested in just leaving PMA and have some fun, the idle time inside the bus while going to the next destination became a venue for me to think about what was discussed to me in the sites that we went to. I was not able to resist the temptation of asking the resource speakers questions and express my own opinions regarding their advocacy. Somehow, there was this realization that everything is connected, that no matter how hard we try to find a life, even if we do not care about everything else, it will haunt us. Life should always be in moderation and be lived in a balance that comprises everything that makes this world.. the world.

And so I formally begin this series. In the next four entries, I will write about some realizations in the recent Field Trip that I have. I will write about the thing that I felt on the issues that they brought up. I will write about realizations and some personal decisions that I made in my own. I think the thing tha I can do to help them in some way is to just write about it even here in my little abode in the cyber space. Of course, I will still write about it in other avenues possible, but of course I can not write them all. So this is the introduction to a four part series (so there will be five in the series including this one... ????).

But of course let me just highlight some of the things that happened. These are the things that I may not have a reason to include in the other four write-ups that I will do. The pictures that do not fit... here it is:This was a picture taken from Candaba, Pampanga where we had a nice time bird watching. The Mountain is Mount Arayat and the sun was just about to set when this was taken

This is another picture but a glimpse of the sunset. A few minutes after this, the birds started flying in big groups and it was a very beautiful scenery.

We wondered how this fight was going to be. When I passed this poster in SM Pampanga, I just have to take a picture, the boxing fever was still on even if we knew we will not be able to see the match... true enought Pacquiao won.

If you think water is life, then take a look at this picture. This was the water that I and my other classmates had to use in taking a bath. After one whole day of going around, our bodies just felt so dirty and it was hot considering that we were "highlanders." Initially, we did not want to use the water but it was unavaoidable and so we did. At least we were not drinking it. The funny thing is that long after all the soap was removed from our bodies, it was still slippery.

We had this accident somewhere in Pangasinan. The bus in our rear collided with our bus (we were in front). It was a case of a bus driver going on auto pilot (if you know what I mean). It was a good thing that the bus was our other contingent. Sadly, it was another PMA bus that collided with a PMA bus. There are more "grueling" pictures of this damaged bus but I'd rather not show it.This is the Final Picture. I sure did not dream of being a Tricycle driver but the moment I saw the tricycle, it was as if it was calling out my name saying, "Come take a picture." Seeing this afterwards, I thought that I sure did not look bad if I was to become a tricycle driver.

Well, that's it for now, tomorrow will be the first in the series.

Hazing?

It is a very sad today. I have a major exam tomorrow on my Law class whose coverage is around 200 pages of laws and cases plus I was told that I have to make an incident report regarding the marks made when I kicked a plebe under the table last week.

I can not help myself but think about these things. I am not so much worried with the exam, its the incident report that I am afraid of. A few days ago, my squadmate bade me farewell after he was suspended in another maltreatment case. He made his explanation (a somewhat incident report) and then all of a sudden he was ordered suspended. That is the reason why I am so worried with this incident report, I just do not know what will happen out of it. I tried making one earlier but after reading it again, it was as if I am doomed thus my sadness now.

I do not really deny being responsible for the marks on her shins (the plebe was female and most of us here believe that the marks only appeared because of her "delicate" physiology). But before jumping to any conclusions I will have to state for the record that there was no intention of actually hitting her. I was hitting the foot of the chair trying to coerce her into answering my questions about something. I was trying to draw the point of her telling the truth and she refuses to do so. I guess, her legs got hit causing the marks.

Again I claim responsibility, I am just afraid that I will not be given the chance to really defend myself and I'd rather not allow it to prosper. I was at fault but there was never an intention to hurt her or try anything to that effect to any of the plebes. I am doing my job as to how I know it and if at some point I have done something wrong at least allow me to defend myself.

I am afraid that there is a possibility that I will bid goodbye to PMA. I have been in the same situation once and I will not go through it again. I know I have been good and that is why I can not help it but be sad with what is happening. Lord Help me!!!

A spirit reinvigorated

I just came from a very enlightening lecture about Military History. I have to say that History has always been a fave subject and the way I see my Military History subject now I am looking forward to a very exciting time with the subject.

The thing that struck me the most in the lecture was how my instructor pointed out the importance of the study in bringing back a sense of direction, prestige and pride to my role as a soldier. I remember an entry I wrote before in this blog about being contented thinking of my self being old and still wearing my Army uniform. I also dread the times when all I can think of is the fear of being killed in the battlefield. There have always been countless times that I complain about being lonely, frustrated and just sad about why I am here in the first place. I can not count how many times I wondered why I am here to the point that some have been telling me to just leave. But I also remember the time when I read about epic stories of great men who were soldiers. I treasure the times when my dad tells me stories of his exploits in the battle field, how he captured some enemy camp and how proud he was to go home alive. I feel bad about stories of corrupt soldiers, about coup plotters and the so many bad things that I hear about people in my profession. And then my instructor spoke, with a big sense of conviction he said: remember the great stories of our soldiers and it will reinvigorate you and stand tall wearing your soldier's uniform. I guess I am really a soldier after all. I really do not care much if I feel lonely sometimes, hoping that things would have been different if I was some ordinary person in the civilian world. Even if I do hate waking up everyday early in the morning, keep my uniforms ironed and crisp, I go on with my day perfectly contented that I am doing what I am doing. I hate that I do not see the people that I miss that often, I hate being helpless at times because I am simply a subordinate, and yet in all this there is a sense of purpose in everything that I do and I am still perfectly happy thinking that I am gray and old still wearing my uniform.

Well, I know I forget the things that led me to be here. Sometimes I can just begin a sonata of complains on everything to the point that I feel bad with everything that is about me in this place. I lose focus do silly things, be stupid and just allow hell to break loose in my system. But in all this the soldier in me is just there, waiting to be remembered everytime I have this feelings. I know I may not become a great general or that I may become very afraid the moment I start hearing guns fired at my direction. I will hate the fact that I have to run carrying a heavy backpack and in the company of people who also feel the same way. I will miss the people I love, wonder about how life would have been if I didn't decide to embrace soldiery. But in the end, I realized that despite of all the thoughts that I keep on entertaining there is this fire that keeps on burning inside me that just keeps me alive and be happy despite of the many feelings that I feel. Inside me is that calling of being a soldier and loving it despite of everything. In the final analysis, I love being a soldier and can not imagine myself not being one.

Things that I am hoping for

I am trying to find my writing mood. I have to write so many things and time is running out for me. The thing with me is that if I force myself to just write, I do not produce good results, but then waiting is just not an option, I have to write now and I am looking for an inspiration just hoping that the mood will come to me.

But I will just have to blog now. It has been a while since I wrote something in this blog. As I said, I had to write so many things, that is not withstanding the recognition of the plebes last week plus of course the new semester that has started. But really, I have so many things to share now, especially that there had been so many things that occupied my mind since the last time I wrote something in this blog. Forgive me for not blogging that much, but I will try my best to make up for it.

Let me begin by saying how fun it has been. Although tiring, it seems that there are just so many reasons for me to smile about. For one, things are looking up as the next break draws nearer. This time I am joining it and will spend Christmas at home. On the weekend I will go on a Field Trip for my Environmental Science Subject. I would like to call it my break because finally I am leaving PMA after so many months. I just hope that we will go to beautiful places and have a lot of fun.

So far, the Academics is not showing some problems although there is one subject that I am taking now that we classify as "Dangerous". Last year, there were 13 who had to leave for failing the subject, I wonder how will I fare now. I am still able to cope up with the lesson and I am praying hard that it will be the same for the rest of the semester. Although I do not know really how it will be, I am just crossing my fingers... sana.

I am now trying to write something about making a difference. Its for some contest that I was commissioned to join by my Editor. I am not very sure yet what to write about although so many ideas are now running through my mind. I am hoping that by the time this evening ends I will find the inspiration and start writing about it.

Well everything that I am writing about are just the things that I hope for. I do not know what to write really because as I said, I am waiting for inspiration. I am happy that the people that I care about are happy and I am happy that I am happy, I guess that is enough reason to be happy (that's confusing) I have to end now, I decided to find the inspiration outside of the Computer Laboratory away from the tit tats of the keyboard. I promise to write something worthwhile in due time.... I love you people

A fallen comrade, a fallen friend

I did not know that today would be so sad, I just lost another squadmate. As a leader, you can not help it but really get to know your subordinates. For my part, I took it upon myself to personally involve myself with them. I wanted to know deep in a deeper level, not just an upperclass-underclass thing, but on a personal note enough to say that we'd still be friends even if we are not in the Academy. I am proud to say that I have been successful in that, especially those under my command. I learned that to be able to really do your job, I must treat each of my subordinates as real people and not just mere subordinates who will follow my orders. I felt that if we were connected in a more personal level, I will be able to really do my job to them and lead them in a way that will transcend even if we are no longer in the military organization. Now with this recent development, I was teary eyed not knowing what to say to my yearling squadmate who will shortly leave me to serve his suspension from the Academy.

I do not wish to put the details on why he is leaving. I would like to say that he is one of the underclass that I am proud to say I can rely upon. I am not saying that because we have become close in the few months that we were in the same squad, its because I see in him a potential leader that will be an asset to the Armed Forces if he graduates. I feel that he is a victim of one wrong action, an action that will definitely change his life forever.

Personally, I feel that his fate is unfair. I know him too much and he is not one such person who is bad in any way. I could even say that he is more fit to stay here than me. But then again things happen and now he is suspended. I guess part of what PMA teaches us is to take responsibility for our actions and although sad I know he is taking responsibility for what he did something that I do not know I can do if I was in the same situation as he is. I will also have to contend with the feeling of loss, the feeling of loosing one of my men and the acceptance of the reality that I will be faced even as an officer in the future. I guess being attached to the people that we work with can have its disadvantages especially when I just have to follow orders from my superiors. I am choosing not to allow my personal feelings to interfere with the perspective that I have to see what is happening right now. I am believing that what is happening now, although sad, is for the better. I am believing taht God knows what is best for my squadmate and I am trusting that all of this will become something for God to teach each of us the things that we have to know. I am sad but I am believing that there is something good that will come out of this.

God, teach me to accept what is happening and help me to be victorious even throught this circumstances... Lord, Please help me...