Frustration finally sets in

I am finally feeling the frustration that comes with not being the chosen one. Earlier, I broke the news to my room mates and their reaction was also not that good. I was telling them that it was never my classmates fault, it was just that in the final analysis it was the decision of the upperclass that mattered. Yes, I feel that I am being robbed of something but can you blame me? While I was walking towards the computer laboratory, I started to cry. The tears that I have been trying so hard to stop finally came out. I was frustrated the moment I heard of the news but tried to look cool because I know that how the decision was to be made. Again, it was not my classmates fault (the one who was chosen), but it is my right to feel bad, I wanted the position and it seems now that it will never be mine.

You can say that I have been preparing myself for this eventuality. My mind has been entertaining ideas of things that I wanted to do. I was already planning how I would go about it. I ignored the possibility that I may not be chosen, I was just so sure. And so the result is that I am frustrated. Frustrated because I have conditioned my mind all this years to be worthy of being in that position. As I was looking at the sky moments ago, I asked God, "Am I really not that deserving?"

Life will go on. I do not know how long it will take for me to overcome this frustration. I love what I do and though I am frustrated, I have decided to do what I do best even if I was not chosen. In my mind, I know I deserve it and I will continue to see to it that I will be worthy of it. I will be the best that they will ever find in a lifetime and they will be sorry for not choosing me.

Something I thought of

I finally got the sense to write something.

Being caught in an animated conversation with a good friend over a meal at Shakey's, I kind of thought of the so many things that are happening in my life. At one point I thought I was at the top of the world and then suddenly I'm lost and frustrated. I was so high in spirits but it was shattered by a news that although I know was coming, I did not know would feel the way I received it when it came to me. As Nicholas Sparks would put it "what you want and what you get are two totally different things"

I have always believed that we always get what we deserve. When I see something that I think I deserve, I go for it not thinking much of what people will think about what I was doing. I reason that if my heart tells me that I will get it, it will be a sin not to follow it. If I do not get it then it was God's will and I try to find his intention for making me like that something and then not giving it t0 me. That was a simple formula that I have really believed in but did not spare me from the frustrations that I know was still to come despite of the strength in spirit that I claim so very often. When I was not considered for this congress thing a couple of months back, my mind kept wondering why it had to be that way, when I know deep in my heart that I deserve it. I found the wisdom later inside Hannah's blog entry. I learned that I was frustrated because I wanted the experience and not the opportunity to learn what has to be learn in that congress. I resolve to carry on the whole point on why there was that congress in the first place. And then this incident.

I still believe now that I deserve this thing. I am believing that there is something I must understand before I will have my chance. Though I feel bad with what happened I know there is something in store for me that will make me a better person.... well in time I will know

Help Wanted

HELP!!! Wala pang sumusulat kay Uncle Bobo... nauubusan na sya ng fans... sumulat naman kayo....

unclebobo_corpsmag@yahoo.com

letters can be queries about PMA or simply problems of the heart.... hehehe
please please please.... nalulungkot na si Uncle BOBO

A Blog out of Baguio

I haven't written in this blog for the longest time. I am just so busy. I am now in Manila doing the lay-out of the Corps Magazine. Finally, I have come to the point that we are the ones who call the shots for the issue. This is the traditional transitory issue where those who will succeed the ruling class are given the chance to practice doing the magazine. It has been a very good learning experience, being able to really get the feel how it is really done.

The good side of doing the magazine is that I was able to go home. Finally after beig incarcerated in Baguio for the l0ngest time, I find myself in Manila and was able to see my family. Tomorrow life will go back to being a cadet, I will again don my cadet uniform. I will just wait for the real break in two weeks time.

I really do not have something big to blog about. I just realized that I miss blogging. I miss talking to myself and I miss this blog. Collecting articles, pictures, editing, conducting meetings and many other things has drained my system. It was a good thing now that I am able to relax and be able to write. I am sorry if I am not making any sense, I am jus trying my best to enjoy every bit of my experience away from the Philippine Military Academy. I promise to write a better entry some other time... and yes I plan to do the remaining parts of my series on the places I went to during the Environmental Science Trip.

I love you people....

What makes Recognition Day important

I am not yet in the mood to write the continuation to my series. My mind now is occupied with so many things: a major exam tomorrow and articles for the Corps Magazine that I have to follow-up. I am trying to be calm in lieu of the responsibilities that are now on my shoulders.

Anyway, I haven't really written anything about Recognition Day. Last night, I read a feature article about this year's Recognition Rites and I felt that I just have to write my insight about the event.

This year's recognition day was at the front page of national broadsheets. Although a storm was rampaging Baguio City, the ceremony pushed through while the rest of the world watch us as we insist on doing it despite of the heavy rain. There is something in the ceremony that is more than the eye could see.

To anyone who has been a plebe at one time in his life, Recognition Day is the finish line to everything that makes plebehood bad. In normal days, heavy rains on a saturday was somethign that we cadets celebrate and pray that it will go on the whole day or at least until the afternoon. The reason for that is because we want the parade cancelled. In the day of the Recognition however, all of us were praying that the rain would stop, not because we really wanted to go on parade but because we do not want the ceremony of Recognition for the plebes to lose its essence. For my part it wasn't just reminiscent of my own victory over plebehood, but it was also my victory as a squad leader to the plebes that were about to be recognized. I have had ten plebes under me since I became a second class and I am proud to say that all of them made it to Recognition Day. For me, to shake their hands on that glorious day was also my congratulations that my mission to them was accomplished.

Today, those ten plebes smile everytime they see me. If that was last month, they would have suffered my wrath. I would have asked them to double time and ruin their day. I was not the type of squad leader that the plebes would consider as kind. The fact that I have a history of a plebe having marks on her shin is not something that I am proud of but is a simple illustration that I am not exactly kind to plebes. I made them do exercises for infinite number of repetitions, gave them seemingly impossible orders, tested their physical stamina and endurance and gave them a very hard time even at the most little things. They know that they can not smile at me but now when they do smile, I smile back. I smile back because they have earned their right to smile. People may not be able to understand why something as simple as a smile is a good thing. the truth is in that smile lies the sense of achievement that only those who have been plebes can understand.