A fallen Mistah

This morning, I was greeted by the sad news that my classmate was the latest fatality in Zamboanga City. He is to be the fourth in my class, all four of which died in battle.

About a week ago, I had an animated conversation with a neighbor about this incident in Zamboanga City. As I was not aware of varying opinions circulating about the incident, that conversation provided me some insight as to how the public perceived that incident. What made me more involved in that conversation was when I learned that there were some Filipinos who think that the whole thing was a gimmick in order to divert people's attention away from the Pork Barrel scam. I found that offensive as actual people are dying over there. I am more enraged now considering that somebody I personally know has fallen.

The thing that set me off is the careless habit of people to just say what they want without any regard as to what their words really mean. It troubles me more that while many people especially in social media can pretend to be concerned with the way they comment on issues, very few actually participate in real activities that promote peace, patriotism and social responsibility. While it is easy to post away reactions to corruption and other similar sins, it is so hard to find people who are willing to sacrifice just a little bit to better society. While everybody condemns war, only a few works for peace.

I speak of these things not only as someone who just lost a comrade in arms. More importantly, I say this things as one of the may government workers who still fight it out not just against the MNLF but for a better citizenry who should do more rather than say more. My classmate is gone and the rest of us will try harder to glorify his sacrifice. He is a good man who has a family like
many of us. He died a hero, fighting for a country he loved. I hope that his death will inspire us to do more, help more and pray more. Walang ibang tutulong sa bayan natin kundi tayo tayo ring mga Pilipino.

Salamat Mistah sa sakripisyo. We shall prevail and your death will never be in vain.

Going back to the way it should be

I have been reading my blog entries from about 5 years ago hoping to gain some inspiration. I have tried (and failed) to bring my blog into life with entries about being an officer and the things that I do. I thought then that just as I was writing so much of my life as a cadet, it wouldn’t be that hard to continue doing so, this time writing life as an officer of the Philippine Army. So I thought.

Coming into the real thing was so much different. Unlike cadetship where leadership was merely a lesson, the actual field where leadership is actually practiced involves more than ideas that need to be dissected and understood. Rather, it involves actual people and objectives that need to be satisfied and met. While cadetship was more geared towards surviving it through graduation, life as an officer is geared towards surviving every hazardous activity required of him and his men. Now, the latter would have been easier to write about as it involves more hard-core emotions and a larger environment that people can relate more to. Ironically, from my side, that is not the case. Aside from the difficulty of finding time to write about these things in the right frame of mind, there is also my own personal difficulty of wanting to put justice on the kind of ideas that I present. I feel that whatever it is that I will write about will have to portray the real and unadulterated sacrifice of the ordinary soldier. I would like to think that cadets, per sec, are interesting in its simplest form by virtue of the mystery of the Academy while officers, are ordinary people who happened to wear ranks higher than most soldiers. This contrast presents a greater need to put more effort in putting each story into a pedestal where people can admire and appreciate more the contribution of our soldiers to our society.

Another thing that troubles me also is how I seem to find myself wanting people who read my blog to be impressed. Pardon me for saying this, of course I like people approving of my person when they read the things that I write; but from the day that I started this blog around 10 years ago (yes it has been that long) I have always made it my personal mantra to simply be honest and go away with trying to impress readers. I felt then in the same way that my conviction stands now that writing is more of an expression of the truth. The truth that sets my spirits free, the truth that allows me to have peace with myself and God, the truth that allows people to see the depths of a person’s heart.

And so, going back to the little reminiscing awhile back, I realized how simple it was when I construct my ideas then. It is only now that I realized that my love for writing has somehow took a backseat as I lost my flavor for honesty and trying to be impressive. Perhaps my becoming an officer has done that to me. Truth in my world now depends on what it is that we wish to accomplish. It is related to how we wish to appear to the larger public and how our actions affect the general perception of our organization. Truth now simply has to get things done. Period. With trying to be impressive, it seems to me the whole AFP organization is about impressing each other. Not that one has a better idea or has better work performance, what matters most is that one is able to positively impress the person who makes the decision that affects you. Good intentions are out of the question, what is important is you develop what they call a “service reputation” among your colleagues. This reputation is the one that propels your career more than your talent and sincerity.

Five years into being an officer. I have come to understand the reason for my difficulty in writing the blogs that I so much loved to write then. I have become a different person whose personality has been sapped by the organization that I so strived to serve into. I am hoping that this is a good thing, but something in my heart tells me it is not. While my life then was a simple as expressing my own personal goals and aspirations that happen to be as part of our Army, it is now dependent on so many other things that I am still trying my best to figure out. More importantly, I have come to the acceptance that this is not how I wish to live my career. I wish to come back to the days when service to my people was such a comfortable place for me. I wish to relive that ease in just firing away my experiences in this piece of space in the internet. I am starting it right now. 

Thoughts on my 4th Wedding Anniversary

Today is my 4^th Wedding Anniversary. Nothing much really since for the 4^th time also, I am so much distant from my lovely wife whom I should be celebrating this glorious day. But not to be dismayed, and after reading a couple of Nicholas Sparks novels, I am inclined to make my effort to remember this day even if just through this blog, hoping that in one way or another I will be able to communicate my love for my dear wife through the words that I write and through the people that will read this.

I believe we are like most couple who have the usual episode of disagreement even with our frequently distant set-up. The Army has not afforded us with the normal marriage such that my wife will say that in the years that we are married, we have actually been together only for at most a year. In reality though, I do not like to hear those words. Although I pretend to be unaffected by those words I also wish that days with her and my little girl would be more frequent. If truth be told, if not for practicality reasons I would have no qualms leaving the ‘glitz and glamour’ of a Philippine Army Officer in favor of a more normal family life. But by some divine providence, the cards drawn out for me would have to be this and I am determined to make this work.

My wife, unlike me, did not have the luxury that we had growing up. Although mine is not well-off either, hers is more of a survival thing having a mother who moved heaven and hell to provide for them and a sister who placed it upon herself to sacrifice some luxuries in favor of her siblings getting an education. That was primarily the reason why, I would like to think, it became easy for me to woo her. Here comes a young and dashing lieutenant coming to her hometown at a time when the peace and order was very volatile. I would like to believe that it seemed to her that I was some knight in shining armor that can protect her. In the early part of our marriage, it was evident that her feeling was that of difficulty of accepting the life that I introduce her to. Specifically, the family that she suddenly found herself a part of.

As newlyweds, her self-esteem, especially when around my family, was very low and even with me, I often recognize her insecurity as not being good enough to be part of our bunch. For my part, I felt that it was my foremost responsibility to usher her into the “weirdness” of my family. It was a task that involved me having to say hurtful but honest things to other people that I love. In several occasions, it entailed me feeling hurt as it felt that I have to choose between her and my family when all I wanted was a relationship where all of them becomes one big happy family. The drama unfolded with me writing letters to my father, sending long text messages to my wife and praying hard that all will be well.

Unknown to my family, although they were part of the reason that made it difficult for me, they were also the inspiration that helped me choose what to do in every situation. While they criticize my wife, I understood that it was just their way of showing that they wanted the best for me. In the same way, while I feel the hurt that my wife felt in those occasions, I also understood it was part of the painful way of accepting the out-of-this-world way my relatives show their love for each other. It was my love for all of them, my wife especially, that cultivated in me the patience to endure the sometimes disconcerting situation I was caught into. It was a love that I learned from a family that had difficulty of showing it but is able to express great amounts of it in ways unimaginable.

I write all of this now as a tribute to the marriage that has been nurtured for the past four years. Last week, as I saw my wife being part of a family that I loved so much, I felt greater joy and admiration for her as somehow I knew she has found her place. The greatest gift that I have received would have to be the words of my aunts, uncles and most especially my father validating that I married well. I also write this for my wife, who had to make drastic adjustments on the kind of person she is especially on her perception of family. More importantly, I write this as a reminder to myself to constantly work to make my marriage work. Four years has been a difficult but fulfilling adventure but in those times, above all, I learned that my choice should always be borne out of love, and nothing else.

Soldiering outside the convention

Today is one of those few days where my schedule is empty. Aside from few routine activities, I spent most of the day beating Russia in Red Alert 3. Tomorrow, I will be meeting with a group of skilled Bamboo craftsmen in Purok Lower Waywayan. We will plan out their participation to the Inalima 2012. It’s an annual trade fair in time for the Araw ng Davao Oriental celebration. Together with the President of the Don Mariano Marcos – Federated BDS (BDS for Barangay Development System) Association or DMM-FBA, we will develop a working plan that will sell not just the bamboo furniture set made by the group but also the skill that will propel them to development.

In Barangay Don Mariano Marcos, Lupon, Davao Oriental, I am tasked to conduct the Peace and Development Outreach Program (PDOP). In the PDOP concept, the soldiers perform non-traditional roles such as community assistance and people empowerment. Beginning in February 2012, I went from one Purok to another discussing about how ordinary people in the community can become partners to development. After sometime, we began organizing them into groups we called as Barangay Development System Association or simply BDS. From the initial discussion of how they can become partners to development, we also conducted intensive planning workshop and further discussion with them to reinforce the message that we wish to deliver. Slowly, we saw how the way the people changed. From originally coming to meetings that we called out of fear of the soldiers, we were invited to meetings to assist them in the plans that they wanted to implement in their locality. The officers of their group initiated their own programs that will support their community. For my part, I tried my best to bring in inputs in their plans and programs. By end of April, we have already come up with the Federated BDS Association with 17 Local BDS Associations as members covering the whole of Barangay Don Mariano Marcos of about 400 members. In May 7, 2012, the Governor of Davao Oriental inducted the officers of DMM-FBA. We were also provide with 30 bags of corn seeds, 60 sacks of organic fertilizer and assorted vegetable seeds.

In a seemingly unconventional way of soldiering, I have found a sense of fulfilment beyond the guns and combat operation that soldiery is traditionally known for. Today, we have an ongoing Organic Vegetable Farming Training conducted together with the Provincial Agriculture Office. We will also be conducting a training for Bamboo Craft making for the BDS of Lower Waywayan, an Ornamental Flower Growing training for the BDS of Purok Linao and many other trainings intended to improve the methods of the people in their income generating activities. The Federated BDS Association is also organized in such a way that they are able to plan out their development. They have the marketing committee that will look for market of the different products and services of the group, an education committee which plans out all the trainings that will improve their membership, a membership committee, a monitoring committee and another for finance and audit. In this system, the ordinary citizen becomes the primary proponent of their development while the soldiers conducting PDOP together with another partner from the Provincial Agriculture Office provide guidance in their undertakings. We hope to formalize a group among government agencies and other concerned institutions as a form of convergence of support systems to communities like Don Mariano. When this happens, the community is in charge of their development backed up by a support system where they can receive guidance in how to go about with their plans as a community.

People ask me how are these methods relevant to fighting insurgency and winning the peace. I tell them that we cannot be fighting all the time. Bottom line of the conflict in our country is that we want to live good lives. Whether one is on the side of the government or that of the insurgency, the normal person just want to be able to live a full life.. The present method tries to achieve that and more. While people have so long been afraid of conflict erupting when soldiers come to their communities, they have now called for more soldiers to come into their community and bring in the services that they badly need. The propaganda that soldiers commit abuses to civilians in communities are overused lies intended to perpetuate the exploitation of the insurgents. These methods also paved way to secured atmosphere that enabled other groups to come in and make their own contribution.

Very recently, one group decried militarization in the communities because of the presence of the soldiers. However strong they try to gather some attention to their allegations none bothered to support them as the soldiers brought with them the many benefits that they have been longing to receive. Also, while they try to manipulate popular opinion with their twisted rationale, no formal complaints have been filed against the soldiers in proper venues. This is an obvious acceptance that their claims are mere efforts to discredit the gains in peace and development that is now rampant in these communities. In due time, we feel that they themselves will surrender their efforts to the collective agenda being fostered by this new partnership between the government and the populace which will ultimately defeat insurgency and elevate the state of our beloved country.

Tomorrow, I will present to the members of BDS in Purok Lower Waywayan a comprehensive business plan that will begin with the launching of their product up to working system for them to collectively maximize productivity of their skill. Well that’s part of a day’s work. In a surprising way, soldiers have now become truly servants of the people. A soldier is called to protect. In the Philippine setting, protection is no longer that against gun toting groups; rather it is protection from poverty. Sadly, these gun toting groups also are victims of poverty that need protection. Ironically, soldiers are also victims of poverty as they themselves are members of our poverty stricken society. In the end the key to overcoming these obstacles is not through the barrel of the gun but rather by working together as one big family even outside the convention of traditions.

A Culture of Hatred

About a year ago, I remember arising from cyberspace hiatus after meeting three committed public school teachers in distant Sitio Kamugna during a combat operation somewhere in the hinterland of Davao del Sur. The talk of the town at that time was the scandal that involved a young boy named Janjan and Willie Revillame. I felt that people campaigning against Willie Revillame and his show was missing the point of why the incident happened. Today, I write this blog amidst various controversies, the Panatag Shoal Stand-off, the Lady Gaga controversy, the impeachment trial and Jessica Sanchez's runner up finish to season 11 of American Idol. In these controversies, I realized that similar to what happened a year ago to Janjan and Willie Revillame, it exposes the very culture of our people. I am calling it now a Culture of Hate.

Then assigned in various Muslim Communities in South Central Mindanao, my favorite task was to lecture the History of Mindanao Conflict to the people. This lecture traces the history of the development of Mindanao to be able to see how the conflict has come to its present level. At the end of the lecture, I would encourage people not to be victim of the biases that has been handed down to us by previous generation and instead cultivate a culture of peace; a culture that tolerates diversity amongst our people and acceptance of what we have become; and more importantly work to succeed celebrating this diversity. Thinking about that experience, I have come to understand my own biases and have learned to change it. Today, I see the opposite of that culture embedded within the controversies that I have enumerated above: the Culture of Hate.

In previous years, I have observed how our people have somewhat improved. Today, it has become very noticeable how many of our countrymen has realized their role in their democracy. Today we see, business people, ordinary students, social activists and many others from all walks of life care for a certain advocacy. I personally feel that these are indications of a maturing democracy as illustrated by the increase of public participation to the affairs of the state. However, recent controversies has exposed something that could lead again to our downfall.

Psychologists would tell us that there are two ways of looking at a glass half filled with water. It could be half full or half empty. While one would appreciate the water that is in the glass, another would see that there isn't enough water to fill the glass. In recent controversies, it has been obvious that there is so much attention on that what have not than that what we have. Sadder is that while many claim of their "concern" they totally miss the point of why they should be concerned in the first place. Many instead of trying to help out, they stop at just their advocacy. It starts and ends with being concerned JUST THAT.

Instead of us campaigning to uphold our national sovereignty against Chinese bullying, we launch hate campaigns against anything that is Chinese as if the Chinese people really care if we do not like them. We campaign against a multi awarded recording artist for her alleged indecency when no one forces us to watch her concert or even listen to her songs. What is more troubling is that we blame Lady Gaga for the inability of parents to nurture their children so that they will grow up to be decent individuals. Lady Gaga did not bring indecency to this country, irresponsible parenting brought indecency upon us. To single out Lady Gaga is hypocrisy since lewdness and indecency is an everyday treat around us. Do we actually think that dancers in variety shows wear those skimpy outfits for art's sake?

Then there is also the impeachment trial. Are those throwing remarks against major players from both sides actually understand the whole point of the Impeachment process? As far as I am concerned, our role as people is to protect the Impeachment court for it to be able to decide well. More than anything, we should safeguard our democratic institution not crucify those who we believe is guilty to the point of destroying their reputation and dignity. The sad thing is that there is no decision yet. With the way our people are going about their "advocacy" everybody loses for in the end every body's dirt is exposed, everybody is labeled a thief, liar, corrupt and so forth and nothing is done to advance the democratic maturity of our people. (I particularly take offense on @vicegandako 's twitter message saying to the tune of "lahat ng taga gobyerno corrupt iba't ibang level lang)

Then of course, there is also the success (or not-so) of Jessica Sanchez. The support that she has received from our countrymen is both admirable and amazing, but hating Philip Philips is just uncalled for. Both contestants are there for the win and everybody knows that American Idol chooses their winner through votation, had it been not for the judges who saw Jessica Sanchez's talent as remarkable, she would not have even be in the Finale. I feel bad that she was not declared the winner but it is also unfair to hate the winner.

The thing is, our culture seem to dwell on a culture of hatred. With the advent of social media, it becomes a royal rumble of some sort of throwing hatred at almost anything without really thinking of the implications of our actions. Our advocacy has become counterproductive for we, in fact, do not achieve anything other than accumulate more date into cyberspace. I wonder, how many of those who are so active in these advocacies bothered to really sit down and figure out how they can be part of solutions to the problems they so strongly feel about? When Japan was hit by a tsunami, there was no hatred of this kind, no fingers pointing to whose fault it is, it united a whole country to rebuild not just their destroyed properties but become a stronger nation When the country was devastated by typhoons and the recent earthquake, although any people helped those who were affected, many still posted hate comments regarding the faults of government, the corruption and even take advantage of the situation to forward their political ambitions. Such is another irony in saying "it's more fun in the Philippines". And even that tourism slogan wasn't spared. Instead of helping make that slogan successful, there are those who posted hate comments saying that it was copied from an old Swiss slogan (so what?). Bottom line, although our people started to notice that there is actually a glass with water, many see it as half empty rather than half full. I say that if we are not ready to take part of the solution to our country's problems we might as well SHUT UP.

We are living in a generation where it is so easy to do things. Problem is, it becomes so easy also to shed the responsibility associated with our actions. Voluntarily or otherwise we have used our new found freedom to cultivate a culture of hatred that although has somewhat awakened our collective spirit; is bringing us to doom. Can there be more positivity rather than just negativism. I am praying that there will be... in the coming days.... I hope.