Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The things that you read

I little while back I had the chance to read the latest Reader's Digest. Of course, considering that I haven't read for quite sometime, I mean read those that I like to read, I devoured it. I realized how much I have been missing not knowing who Charles Cullen is and that there are actually scientists who call themselves Glaciologist. Well, after having some laughs and a mixture of emotion on how the drug dixogin (or doxigin???) can kill people, I started to think about things, you know the kind of thinking when I eventually come up with my bright ideas and appear so wise at things. Considering that the firstclass are going to Manila and Cebu in the next hour, I kind of shifted my mind to the life I had when I came here. Actually, I envied them ( the firsclass) since they will actually be going someplace where I have so many memories, either in Cebu or in Manila. It brought me to think about the "wonderful" life I had as a carefree civilian. Going anywhere I want, doing whatever it is that comes to mind. Laughing boisterously without caring about the world. I reminisced the pure joy of just being yourself and not being part of this rigorous routine where so much is expected of me. A life where the world is not waiting for me to commit a mistake but rather I am just some nobody who is simply a part of statistics. A life where I do not have to worry about learning rectilinear motion and trying to beat the bugle sound wearing my best uniform. Of course, a life where I can simply ignore people that I do not like (like annoying upperclassmen) But then everytime I complain about this things, I realized that nobody really forced me to be here. In fact, at some point they tried to shoo me away from this place but I insisted on coming back and now this is what I got. When I think about all the things that I have given up just to have that Cadet before my family name, somehow I'm confused. But later on I understand that the feeling that I have is only because of the loneliness I feel trying to cope up with my day to day routine. Maybe because of the feeling that I am missing so much in the world outside this halls, to think I do not even have an idea what Full House is all about. But then I also realized that the little joys I gathered from reading the latest Reader's Digest to blogging in front of a government owned Compaq computer kind of allows me to think about the things regarding my life, regarding my choice of, as they say, "serving the country." It allows me to understand that the dreams are not that easy to achieve. It allows me to realize that rectilinea motion whether I like it or not will have to be learned so that I can be what I dreamed to become. Life is an adventure and my adventure now is somehow becoming lonely but then it is still an adventure and its for me to enjoy it.
So, reading actually has allowed me to get in touch with my self and somehow retrospect between my life as a "carefree" civilian to being a man in uniform. It is a way of reminding me of the reality of life. Finally it is a way of reminding me that I just need to stop thinking too much, it gets really really lonely. Well, as I end this piece, maybe I'll feel some relief, I hope....

2 comments:

Moja said...

hello tedaks! im the business of visiting blogs and making comments.. hehe.. gee, its good you're reading books you wanna read.. apprently, i cant.. i read books i dont want to read.. and i have no time to read want i want to read.. tsk! oh well, did you go here in manila? hope everythings fine.. God bless!

alex said...

apparently I have no choice but to just read since I am kind if imprisoned here... its really lonely maybe that explains why I find so much joy on reading, it takes me to other worlds other than just the barracks and Fort del Pilar and Philippine Military Academy in general