Friday, July 14, 2006

Romance or "romance"

A couple of years back, I received a phone call from a lady friend. She was crying from the other line and she told me about her recent heartbreak. I think she was just so heartbroken with noone to talk to that she called me. I once courted this girl but not really agressively, she knows that I like her, we enjoyed each other's company but I wasn't just that interested. We were good friends. We talked for almost 30 minutes and after saying our goodbyes the call ended. We never mendtioned that convesation to each other everytime we see each other after that. It was as if it did not happen. And then we lost track of each other lived different lives and then I find myself here in PMA. One time as I was browsing through Friendster, I saw her sister's account. I felt that it was some twist of fate so I sent her sister a message asking for her number. A few weeks after I had her number sent her a short text message and then we were asking what happened to each other after seeing Claudine Barreto's Kailangan Kita (that was the last time we were together). I learned that she already graduated from college. She is about to be married in a year's time and is doing very well professionally. I wanted to see her when I go to Manila she seems not interested. So we became text friends, sending each other text messages every now and then. Because I wanted to see her, I always tell her when I will be in Manila. Then one time, while I was in Manila she called me up. She was again asking me another love question. She met the man who broke her heart (the one in that frantic phone call) and that he was courting him again. I was surprised that he was asking me because first I do not know anything about her life now especially the circumstances with her fiance but also why was I the one she asked. I later realized that she was already decided to leave her fiance and go to the other man (that broke her heart). I realized then that this girl is still living in a fairy tale. I later understood that the reason why we never became a couple was because she lived in a fairy tale and in that tale I was just the confidant. That boy(the one that broke her heart) was her prince charming and that was the reason why she was ready to leave her fiance almost immediately. She had to complete the tale so she has to tell her confidant(that was me). It's weird to think there was I time I felt so madly in love with this girl and that she graduated from the country's state university with high distinctions. I reprimanded her in the phone for that. We ended up having some kind of a fight that up to now she never sent me any text message. I do not know if she did leave her fiance and went to the boy who broke her heart. I guess she is just stupid (more stupid because she did not have me. I realized that romance can sometimes put us out of reality, cause us to become stupid.
I tell this story because I wonder if I am being stupid with what I am doing right now. Last night I received a text message from an older friend who knew my recent crush. She was the teacher of this girl that I had been sending a letter every week since January of this year. Upon her insistent inquiry, I admitted my great admiration to her student and told me things that somehow made me feel a little better with what is happening with my so called Love life. Every now and then, I look at the pictures of this girl and wonder if the juice is really worth the squeeze. Mind you it's not easy being me. Not that I am so proud of my "love" affairs but as a cadet I have discouraged so many of my admirers, really I have a few as I said I am a cadet. Nothing much is happening except that every sunday evening I contemplate hard on what to write to that lovely girl far far away that has swept me off my feet. When she sent me a text message last night I was the happiest person to think there wasn't even anything to be happy about with what she told me. When I learned from her posts in friendster that she was reading the book I gave her (and loving it) my heart leapt. I do not wish to answer whether I am being stupid with what I am doing. Honestly, I know that the reason why I do what I do is because to a certain extent I am still clinging on to that little hope that somehow my efforts will not be in vain.
In my last letter to her I said "...I told you before that I will only stop writing this letters once you tell me to stop. Somehow, I'm wishing that you'll never tell me to stop hoping that in the end something good will come out of whatever it is that I am doing. So I countinue to write... write... and write some more." Well that's it and I pray hard to God everyday for that something good.

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