New struggle

About a year ago, as new thirdclass cadet, I wrote in this Blog about my frustration over my deficiency in calculus. If you backtrack my entries in April 2005 almost all my blogs were about calculus. It was really hard then and I was afrain that I just might not make it. But of course, as fate would have it, I passed the subject went on break and had fun in San Carlos while about seventy percent of my class were left here to take the removals for the subject. At the end of it all thirty of my classmates had to go, most of them are now my underclassmen. That was my struggle last year, I had to learn study habits and luckily I was able to cope up, I did not take any removal exam and I went on all breaks that were offered to us.

This time though, my struggle is with my plebes. As a second class cadet my primary duty is being a squad leader. In layman's term I am the one responsible to the training of all underclass cadets especially those under my squad. The firstclassmen do the "executive" decisions while we concentrate on the most basic unit -- the squad. In the most recent Corps Magazine, I wrote about how humbling and very moving being a squad leader is. I was happy with the thought that I am able to influence people. I had fun molding young plebes who like me also have their own dreams in going to PMA. But as in all of the things we do it is not a bed of roses and this evening was just so bad I almost maltreated the two plebes under my watch. I guess I do not need to explain the circumstances as most people really do not know how things are here but coming to think of it, I realized that maybe this is my struggle for this year. I have come to the conclusion that my lesson is to learn leadership.

When one is faced with a task and the rest of the people around you is watching how you do it, you find yourself wondering if you are really doing the right thing. I wonder whether I am doing enough; whether I am being able to make a positive impact on my plebes; above all I wonder if I am really doing my job. With all the concepts about leadership that we have been taught, now is my time to collate all of this and apply it. Its a wonder how one time you feel so happy with what you are doing and then suddenly you are frustrated. The job is actually one roller coaster ride where you do not really know what to expect all you can do is hope that all will be well. But just like my Calculus experience I know it will be well.

So I go on, hoping and hoping that history will judge me fairly. I am hoping that at the end of this all, i can write another entry in this blog and say that it was all a test and I passed it with flying colors.