An Attempt in Tagalog

I attempted to write something in Tagalog... so here it is

Sabi ng isang text sa akin listening daw is more than just not talking, it is emptying one’s mind to make room for someone else’s point of view. Sa kagaya kong tanggap na ang pagiging maingay, hindi na ito bago. Bata pa lang ako ang lagi ng sinasabi sa akin ng mga tao ay maingay ako. Naalala ko nun kada na lang may conference ang mag teacher ko tungkol sa aming mga estudyante, hindi makakalimutang pag-usapan ang aking pagiging maingay. Lagi lagi din ay pinapatawag ako ng mga teacher ko para sabihan na limitahan ang aking pagsasalita. Madalas naman pag sinabihan ako pilit kong tinitikom ang aking bibig, sa maniwala kayo sa hindi talagang pinag sisikapan ko kaya lang talagang lumalabas ang totoo, talagang maingay ako at sabi ko nga sa maraming tao… walang pakialamanan. Marahil natanggap na rin ng mga tao a talagang maingay ako kasi madalas nun pag may mga dapat gawin na kailangang may magsalita, ako kaagad yan. Sa mga pagkakataong iyon ay talagang feeling bida naman ako. Talagang pinag hahandaan ko ito at pinagsisikapang gawin ng maayos. Hindi nakapagtataka na halos lahat ng nagging activities ko nun ay may koneksyon sa pagsasalita sa harap ng maraming tao. Siguro nga ganun talaga, kung sa ibang tao eh maingay ako, minsan naman may pakinabang din ang pagiging maingay ko. Sa aking pakiramdam ang pakinabang na napala ko sa pagiging maingay ang naging dahilan kung bakit di naglaon ay natanggap ko na talagang ganun na ako. Ngayon ako pa mismo ang magsasabi sa mga taong hindi pa nakakakilala sa akin na talagang maingay ako.. sabi ko nga walang pakialamanan.
Marami ang nagtaka nung ako ay naging kadete. Sa isang lugar na animo’y mga robot at tila hindi nagsasalita ang mga tao parang talagang maling mali na ako ay napunta ng PMA. Sa maniwala kayo o sa hindi, nagawa kong tumahimik kung kailan dapat tumahimik. Ganun siguro talaga pag ang mga pagkakataon ang nagdidikta kung paano umasal ang isang tao. Kahit naman maingay ako alam ko na dapat tumahimik paminsan minsan lalo na kung katahimikan lamang ang paraan upang makuha mo ang isang bagay, sa akin ito lamang ang paraan para manatiling maging kadete. Di naglaon ay lumabas din ang aking tunay na kulay, sa tingin ko naman alam ng mga kapwa ko kadete na talagang maingay ako nasanay lang siguro talaga sila o baka natuto akong mag-adapt. Ewan ko ba basta sa puntong ito tanggap ko na na talagang ganito ako at para sa akin hindi kabawasan sa pagkatao ko ang maging maingay.

To be continued....

To be honest...

I spent the last two days wondering what to do. In Christmas day, I went to church, heard a superb messsage from a Pastor that I truly admire that was in fact very timely for me and went to my usual route in Powerbooks. I was awed with the new changes in that bookstore, the General Fiction book was arranged by authors which was good for me since I generally look for authors first before titles. I had a very good time reading and almost wanted to buy if not for the fact that I just decided not to bring money with me at the time. The good thing is that I get to explore the whole bookstore taking note of possibly good books and eventually controlling my book buying addiction (I really wanted to buy the cheaper version of the New Nicholas Sparks Book At First Sight). But what made that trip to the bookstore different from all other days when I go there without money to spare was that I simply had other thoughts in my mind other thant just the books I wanted to read. As look at the books in so many sections, I somehow relate it to things that have happened to me in the past days and wonder about the connection. In short, I was just being sentimental. I really did not care very much about the books, the books just made me contemplate on things, it made me unearth my emotions from the deepest chambers of my heart. Finally feeling hungry, I went to KFC ordered lots and lots of food and ate by myself overlooking EDSA again thinking about the so many things that have happened. I have somehow become used to this kind of me since I had been generally nostalgic about the whole Christmas season as I have already stated in this blog but really when you feel something and you can not do anything about it, you just hope it will go away or maybe you just wanted to be numb even for just a little time.

I have to admit that my days of waiting is over, now is the time to act, but how? Yesterday, I was texting Hiyas who was to go "mamanhikan" in Davao. Although she generally wouldn't agree with the term I use the fact that she was meeting her boyfriend's parents from another part of the country was indeed something, somehow I could hear wedding bells already, gosh my best friend in the world is getting married perhaps she loves him more than me now... hehehe. But really, that event was somehow one of the reasons that I kind of look back and wonder about how things have been. Not so long ago, we do not have a clue. She was a mess with her relationship and I was a mess with my life as a whole. Although she was well accomplished career-wise, being a chemist and all that, it has to take a while for her to realize how GAGA she has been and although I do not know the whole details of her relationship now being in PMA, I could see that she's happy (imagine dati napupuntahan nya pa ako sa Baguio ngayon kahit reply sa text wala na). Of course I'm not jealous for I know tha she never forgets me, it just can't be; there is simply no reason that she can't, although we argue a lot I know that she loves me dearly. And for my part that was also the time that I just wanted to go back to PMA. And that was how we became close, we both had problems that seemed impossible to solve at the time and we just made it... together. I think that the reason why I am being this way this past days is because I know I am in love and there is nobody to share this with. Nobody to talk to. I really just wish that I am back in PMA when everything is just so fast that I do not realize these things anymore. But now here I am pouring everything in this blog hoping and hoping.

Yes, the events have made me realize that I need to put a stop to all this philosophical approach I have on things. I now have to start listening to my heart.. or should I? To be really honest the confusion is not with the feeling but with the approach, with the way in handling it. Well, its a process of waiting and seeing. Just like all the things that have happened to me in the past everything will just fall into it's proper place.

Pictures Galore

Maniwala ba kayong totoong may ginagawa yang mga yan sa computer??

Kunyari hindi ka kadete, at hindi mo pa nakikita ang AVIARY sa buong buhay mo... so dapat magpapicture, although yung aviary talaga ay nasa tapat namin....

Tama ba namang mag agawan sa harap ng camera after setting the timer???

Is this really it?

I haven't been blogging for a while and so many things have happened. For one, I am now on Christmas Break and I am typing right now at home with my brother and his infant daughter at the back. It's really amazing how much joy a small child can bring to a house. Anyway, I'm somewhat confused over something and that is why I am writing in my blog, maybe as it usually happens I eventually make sense when I start pouring out my feelings in this blog.

Several years back, I had the opportunity to form my concept on things about romance and falling in love. I realized then that this is a major part of our life and that this should not be something that should be taken lightly. I gain inspiration from the experiences of other people and learning from them at the same time integrating the values that I learned from my faith. Upon the advice of a pastor that I truly admire, I started writing qualifications that I had set for the girl I am looking for. The first on the list was prayerful and then she must love her family. That list started to become longer until I have somehow forgotten about it, then I made the biggest mistake of my life by being overtaken by my feelings and finally hurting people. It had to take sometime before I was able to gain my composure and be crystal clear of how I really wanted it to be according to my convictions in life. And then suddenly I find myself mesmerize by this person. The first time, I wanted to be sure that she really was worth the look. I realized that she had this focus on doing what she wants to do and that is impressive. She know what she wants in life and has the discipline to do it. Of course, she was pretty and yes she carries a tune. To put it simply, I was impressed and I just felt that this is it. I started to contemplate on things eventually telling myself that she was indeed the ONE. Upon further contemplation I realized that it was time to let God do His miracle. Realizing that my feelings are in its proper place and that I know what my heart says it was then up to God to clear the way and do His magic. I am not comfortable with it. Really, I have this thought that maybe she'll meet another guy or maybe she'll just completely forget about me but then I realized that if I think that she is so perfect and for God she's still not then only two things could happen it's either God will make her perfect or someone a lot better is in store for me. As for now, I'm learning surrender. I'm learning that the most important things in our life has to be entrusted to the person who knows what is best for all of us. What happens next is something I truly do not know, but then the universe will conspire to make it happen... and I really believe that a miracle will happen. I'll keep on praying...

Romantic Ideas

As I have said in my previous posts, I simply want to be in love. I do not know what came into me but I guess there just comes a time in any person's mind that he feels this longing for companionship. I am lucky to have the best female friends there is I can think of. There is Hiyas who's just there, always ready to bear with my usual insanities and complement it with her own insanities. Of course, I do admit that she is becoming a woman now even contemplating marriage with her boyfriend, grabe ang landi. And then there is Shiela, who although seems like a bubble who suddenly appears and then disappears, is still the sweetest girl and I hope her boyfriend now knows it pag hindi ipapa hunting ko sya sa mga berks ko. And then there is Nyke, whose innocence I can not understand.... gaga ka ba talaga o nagpapakagaga ka lang? But of course, I love her just the same lalo na ngayong magpapasko at marami na naman kaming business transactions... hehehe. And then there is my cousin who loves me so much that I learn to love unconditionally also even with the eccentricities of so many people. And then there is Auntie Arlene, the epitome of unconditional love as in you simply can't believe how loving she is kahit matigas ang ulo mo, kahit masama ugali mo pag sinabi nyang mahal ka nya as in walang kamatayang pagmamahal. And so I wonder with all the girls I have been loving for so long, what is it really that I am looking for in a girl? Yesterday, I suddenly found my notebook. It was a notebook that I bought around 5 years ago and wrote into whenever I just feel like writing. One important page of this notebook is at the back part where I wrote the characteristics of the girl I am praying for. First there is Prayerful, now thinking about it, hindi pwede yung crush ko ngayon, she even said that she feels she's not even worthy of reading religious stuff. And then there is this "Dapat mahal nya ang pamilya nya", that I do not know. And then meron ding Christian.... mas lalo yun, so in the end wala lang tapos ang usapan, its the end of story maybe she'll change or maybe not hindi natin alam, I can just look at her sometimes admire her and say "Siguro something better is still out there for me." The truth is, every now and then I hate it when my conclusion is that way. I mean one can't help but lose patience imagine ang tagal ko nang naghihintay?

My idea of romance is simple. Really. Promise. I would want that I will meet a girl. Get to know her. Be friends with her. Be impressed everyday that I meet her. Meet her parents. Go to church with her. Talk to her about everything under the sun. Tell her that I love her. Enjoy the things that I enjoy with her by my side. Bring her to the romantic places I have identified in my lifetime. Bring her to a Cadet Hop. Introduce her to my classmates. Marry her. Live happily ever after. Mahirap ba yun? Anyway, I realized that as the day passes one thing becomes certain when I think of romance, I am becoming more and more convinced that I need to be the best person that I can be worthy of romance. I just have to prepare myself for the beautiful things that are to happen. Well, I'm just being sentimental again, as usual walang pakialamanan magsulat din kayo ng sarili nyong kabadingan... hehehe :)