Why the low morale?

Hindi ko alam. Basta narealize ko na lang na ang lungkot bigla ng buhay ko. Kanina while in a meeting for the Graduation Issue of the Corps Magazine ang lungkot lungkot ko. Hindi ako makasabay sa kulitan nila and I'm not even interested to join in. My mind was wandering and I hate it. It can't be because masakit ang ngipin ko, I doubt, suddenly malungkot lang ako. Imagine I have deadlines to meet for my 4 articles in the graduation issue and I'm feeling this way, kawawa naman ang graduation articles ko puro malulungkot. The thing is after my 10th place victory in Naga, they all want me to write the feature stories, of course I like the fact that they are giving me better articles to write kaya lang with my energy level ngayon how am I supposed to produce a literary piece that will touch the heart of my reader? Ah basta mamaya siguro makakapagsulat lang ako sana lang talaga... as in sana...

So sige I will try to analyze myself ha baka magets ko kung bakit ganito ang feeling ko. The other week I received a text message from my brother. Sabi nya kausapin ko daw yung auntie ko kasi nalulungkot. You see, when my mother went to the States when we were very young our Auntie practically became our mother. Dati, inaaway ko pa sya but now I have loved her so much na hindi ko maimagine ang buhay ko kung wala sya. Now the thing is this Auntie of mine has found her place in our home. I mean talagang yung love and care na binibigay nya sa amin todo na. She finds happiness by the fact that we are able to have good lives. Maganda di'ba? But then my brother marries and suddenly hindi na ganun. Hindi naman masama ang ugali ng sister-in-law ko kaya lang hindi sila magkavibes ng auntie ko. The thing is suddenly its my sister-in-law who decides for everything sa house at sya na rin ang nagbabayad ng mga dapat bayaran. Ang nangyari na insecure yung auntie ko and becomes sad. Now being the person that she can really talk to, kausapin ko daw but then I'm here I can only do so much. Nakakalungkot...

Tapos ito pa, ang balita maiksi daw break namin something like 4 days lang at pwede pang mawala yun depende sa political situation ng country, di'ba malungkot yun biruin mo ang pinaka aasam asam naming kalayaan dito sa Academia Militar baka mapurnada pa because of the power struggle in our country? Nakakalungkot....

Tapos hindi ko namail ang sulat ko for a friend that I write to every week. Although pwede naman bukas the more na mas gusto kong magsulat ng iba ngayong gabi lalo na na nabasa ko yung blog entry nya... medyo nagbago na naman takbo ng utak ko. But then again, I believe in spontaniety, gusto ko kung ano yung exact feelings ko at that time, yun yung matatanggap nya, not something that I conceived for her to be impressed. Naku I do not want her to be impressed I simply want her to know me. Kung iisipin para naman talagang wala akong mapapala. Biruin mo habang nandito ako sa bundok, pinipilit kong magpakilala sa isang babae through letters at the time when there is text message and the internet. Ang pinakamalaking kahibangan pa nito ay ni minsan hindi sya nagreply.... ay mali nagreply pala once sa friendster pa. Pero kasi sabi ko susulatan ko sya every week. Hindi naman sa pinaninindigan ko lang talaga yung sinabi ko no bakit ano ba mapapala ko sa kanya, kaya lang may mga bagay dito sa mundo na ginagawa natin kasi yun ang gusto nating gawin... tipong wala lang pakialamanan and as long as yun ang nararamdaman ko yun ang gagawin ko. Isipin mo na lang kahit nag swiswimming ako iniisip ko kung ano ang sasabihin ko... weird no? Totoo nangyari yun. Sabi sa akin ng coach ko sa swimming corps squad (our varsity team) mag practice daw ako so lumangoy daw ako ng 500 meters on one stroke, another 500 meters in another and so on... all in all mga 2 kilometers ang dapat kong languyin. Kung 25 meteres yung isang lap sa pool namin dapat 20 times akong magpabalik balik per stroke, matagal kaya yun and mind you nakakapag isip ako ng kuna ano ano sa tagal ng panahon na yun at yun nga naisip ko na isipin kung ano sasabihin ko sa kanya. Ang dami ko ng naikwento but the bottom line nakakalungkot....

Pero siguro ang pinaka nakakalungkot sa lahat is because suddenly naubusan ako ng dapat ikasaya dito sa PMA, parang naisip ko na lahat ng magpapasaya sa akin ay nasa labas ng aking bilangguan... Ironic no? Basta ganun tutulugan ko na lang to hoping na sana pag gising ko masaya na uli.....

In the news.... and Others

I can't help it but check the news every now and then to know what is happening in Manila. In Inquirer it says Marine standoff at Fort Bonifacio over. Restive troops return to barracks. I did not think about the possibility that Gen Allaga will pacify the stand-off but at least all goes well for our bellegeured Marines. I also like the fact that the media now caught the scoop on Col Querubin's Medal of Valor. Last night, as news of Cory Aquino not being allowed to go to Fort Bonifacio reached our barracks, we started to wonder again the reason for such things, the majority of those I talked to just expressed their disgust over the politicians who again just took advantage of the event. Really, we hate it when politicians meddle with the affairs of the military as if they know how it is to be a soldier and then they complain when the military presents opinions in politics. Of course, we do not condone the act of those in our ranks whe really has immersed themselves with politics, they are all a bunch of mislead soldiers who forgot their sworn duty to the country at the expense of the integrity of the Armed Forces. Well before I get into trouble with what I am saying I have top say that it's just me and honest opinion on the things that are happening around. The point is the chain of command is what makes the Armed Forces a cohesive organization, it is in fact laid in the foundation of the existence of the military, breaking it is simply trying to destroy the whole institution which the higher echelons of the organization will not allow and even for me who is still way below the chain of command.

Well, since I have already started ranting with the chain of command let me tell you something that happened a while back to a plebe in my company. A plebe in my company once hated the guts of my classmate so much that he just blurted it out. He hated the fact that he has to be subjetcted to this and that. If you must know, in PMA things like that are what we call here "killable" offense. And so I had to teach that plebe a lesson. I told him that as soldiers we will forever be a subject of a superior. Even the best superior will at times make us do things that we do not like doing, say for example attack a heavily fortified enemy camp, or go on patrol when your wife is in labor. Now if breaking the chain of command was possible then it is like saying that the Armed Forces is useless. I think that plebe has learned his lesson and I just can't wait to know what he is going to say to his plebe to teach the same lesson once the new cadets have arrived. I am saying all these to illustrate how even at our stage as cadets, the chain of command is the most basic principle that we have to learn by heart. Even for my part I almost want to kill some of my upperclassmen, I sometimes go back to my room say all the bad things I can say about them but when duty requires that I follow I do it despite of my disgust to them... well if you have been following ths blog some of the bad words actually are posted here, but really that is just how it is. An upperclass that I truly respect once told me that if I did not want to follow the chain of command I might as well go out of the military, and really that is it. The chain of command is what gives me the authority to impose orders on my underclassmen. I go about doing my duty with the assurance that my requiremets for my subordinates are achieved because of the chain of command. This is what gives me the right to order people given that, this I learned from experience, I must take this right as a trust to mantain the highest competence and strength of character to be worthy of that authority. The problem with our leaders is that they simply ignore the responsibility that accompanies the authority they practice. Well that is just how I view it and I think I am right.

I also have to say that the news is not really what occupies most of my wandering mind. I just feel that in light of the so many things that are happening I simply can not be passive. The things that occupies me these days are actually personal. It is personal in the sense that it generally does not concern the Filipino nation. Its just me. My mind is constantly in search for answers over matters of the heart. You know what no matter how disgusted I am with the sexual escapades of my room mates, I sometimes think that they are enjoying life more than me. I mean not the sex thing, if just might say I had a terrible experience (well, maybe in another entry I'll write that experience) in learning my lesson on sex and I think I learned that quite well so I do not think I will be having trouble in that area at this point. But really I am more envious with the companionship that they are able to get out of their affairs. I haven't really had so much friends these days. The few people that I consider dear to me are either not talking to me or have just completely forgotten me. I think one hates me so much that she won't invite me when she gets married anytime soon, then another is so crazy over her idiot boyfriend that I am losing my patience in telling her to just leave that a**hole I simply do not want to communicate. Then this young lady that gave me shivers but I wonder how she is because she is just so silent. And then the many other women who send me messages, trying to start conversations, wanting to be my textmate, sometimes even sending me food, I pity them..... sayang ang ganda nila nagpapaniwala sila sa glitz and glamour of the cadet uniform. As for me, I'm just plain lonely. Madalas ngayon naaway ko ang mga room mates ko kasi my temper is very short. Hindi na masaya yung mga bagay na ginagawa ko dati and I simply long to be with some people... sana.... as in sana talaga. I do not really know why I have to feel this sadness enduring all the "temptations" that are just there. I do not understand why I insist in writing letters to someone so far away once a week despite her non reply. I simply miss the people, the people that are just..... distant.... very distant.... I want to cry.

With all the things that are happening in the country, suddenly life becomes dull even to someone who is living a dream and the answer is not that hard to comprehend. I continue to go on each day hoping that the future is not this lonely, in the meantime, I endure whatever there is to endure.... Why is patience so hard to learn? God HELP!!!

In light of all the chaos

Last night, a friend sent me this message "Kamusta na ba ang sundalo dyan sa PMA" I told her the things that I already wrote here but then I asked her what is happening in Manila considering that we do not have that much access to information. She then revealed to me the many arrests that were made on military officers, media men and known GMA oppositionists. So after a very hectic day today, I set out to read the news in the internet and what I read surprised me more. My God, this is really something. As of this point I know what I have to do but then I just have to say my opinions in the light of all the chaos.

A while ago, I sent a friendster message to another friend saying that my hope for a vacation next month seems to disappear as Manila becomes more and more chaotic. I even commented "Grabe apektado na buhay ko ng political stability ng bayan." But really it is and in as much as I do not want to be affected I am. My friend ask me "kailan kaya matatapos lahat to" and without blinking and eye I said "siguro pag iba na ang presidente." Well that's what I think really. The stand-off in Fort Bonifacio is not just some show to ruin everything. Let me present some of the things that I know. In as much as I do not like joining the Marines I admire the fact that they are the most cohesive organization in the Armed Forces. Trust me on this, even here in PMA, we joke that the Marines do not use their brains in fighting the enemy, in short BOBO but when it comes to Esprit de Corps, its the Marines that has it all. Their loyalty to their superiors is something that even I can not understand. When they follow their leaders they do it all the way, in fact that is something that I want to have when I have my own unit also. Now here comes Col. Querubin, a marine officer to top it all he was awarded the highest military award, the Medal of Valor. I don't think most people know this but when a soldier receives the award, he is in fact considered a Hero of the land... as in HERO the likes of Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacion and others whose exploits we want to emulate and idolize. Now, a Hero in a very cohesive organization, what does that tell you? Surely its a stand-off. It is a stand-off between the chain of command versus the true sentiments of a full blooded Marine. And mind you this is not something that is easy to pacify. You do the thinking.

Now, there are also other things that we have to put into consideration over all the things that are happening. First, why is it that high-ranking officers (Generals at that) withdrawing support from the President? How come the timing is so perfect: after Oakwood officers escaping, then the civil disobedience, now senior officers withdrawing support? There are just so many things that are happening and all these play in my mind to think I do not know much of what is really happening. But I remember something that one officer that I truly admire told me, the Government is established by God and anyone who opposes it opposes God. Well people might think that God is not part of all this bruhaha that is happening in our country and if we just try to dissect the whole thing its actually the absence of God that caused all these. Well, I submit to the wisdom of my superiors here in PMA and I could still here the Superintendent's voice ringing in my mind "Your job here is to study and that is what you should do, leave politics to the politicians".... well speaking of study, I just have to start doing my assignments now.....

Sex... sex.... sex... Sex???

I jus felt that should be the title for this entry and forgive me I am going to be vulgar, just this one time, I don't seem to know how to write this entry without really using the "proper" words. So, I registered this blog in the website PinoyTopBlogs of course with the hope of increasing traffic, that was February 2. Then just around 3 days ago I made the final adjustments to my code for my blog to be monitored the voila this blog gets more traffic, as of this writing its at no 429 with 60 hits in 3 days, imagine how dramatic the increase in traffic was. But of course, the greedy person that I am, I wanted more so I checked the sites that made it to the top of the list and lo and behold I found one thing.... sex... not pornography if that is what you are asking but topics about sex. But I have to say that many are really good blogs like the one currently in number three that has current events. But then I just hate it when the "sex" blogs are there in the top. I do not know but it kind of gives me the creepy idea how sex has penetrated the mainstream of what we call as "fun." Of course, it's fun but I think there is more to that, I would like to believe that people have dwelt so much on the topic of sex that it has lost its greater essence.... hmmph... another philosophical chuva?? Try this... the other day I woke up when my room mate arrived from entertaining her girlfriend (its the girlfriend that she met once just read the post entitled Annoying conversations... chauvinist PIGS!!!). You know what he did (cover your mouth people) he puts his finger near my nose to have me smell it..... you know what I mean. The point is the young girl that was so stupid to be tricked by my room mate is now raising up to another level, they are now having sex, imagine that. And then there is this another girl the other one in that same entry, she's here today and you know what.... I do not want to ask anymore, the last story I heard was that they went into a smooching episode at the gazebo... really stupid ladies, I must say. The irony of all these is that here I am blogging about this things and it seems that I am the only one concerned...... well, I do not know anymore perhaps that is how this generation is... its always about sex... I hope not for long...

Coup??? Ngeks!!!

This morning in my Political Science Class my instructor told the class that double red alert has been declared in Manila and that there is a state of emergency. Then as I scan the news today some officers has been placed in custody on alleged coup attempts. Then just a few minutes ago, our Superintendent talked to us and informed us about the developments in manila and also to check our morale. So I'm writing this post to say what I have to say about this things.

As I read the news in another window as of this writing, two senior officers were taken into custody. One was the Commander of the First Scout Ranger Regiment BGen Lim and the other was a Marine Brigade Commander Colonel Querubin. Several months ago, I remembered that we gave a testimonial parade to Gen Lim for his promotion to the star rank and if I am not mistaken Colonel Querubin is my father's classmate who was a medal of valor awardee. I'm just not sure if my information is correct but if I am not mistaken this two officers are highly decorated and very much respected. Gen Lim went to PMA but graduated at the United States Military Academy in WestPoint, he is in fact the first member of his class to be promoted to the star rank and is the commander of the Rangers which is considered a highly trained elite unit of the Army. Then Col Querubin who simply for the fact that he has a medal of valor simply says so much. The medal, in fact, distinguishes him as a hero of the land, someone who has given our country so much pride. So now I wonder, what is happening?

The Superintendent informed us that we are not overly concerned. For one, we are not a tactical unit, we are in fact a training insitution and so we are not a potential target. He said that the media is bound to exagerrate the things that happen here in PMA to create a hype of the whole situation. Believe it or not the media has been so unfair to PMA. Last weekend, when we had our Alumni Homecoming, the media said that many of the cavaliers (that is what we call a PMA graduate) were in red when in fact there was only one class that I remembered who were wearing red and they weren't in fact wearing all red, they just wore caps that was very bright red and it did stand out plus it was nice to see especially when they were consolidated in one area. Hello, it is part of the tradition here that each class distinguish themselves and certainly there is nothing wrong to a class who decides to wear red caps for them to be noticed. And then the next day the media reported a bomb found in our vicinity claiming that it was supposed to be directed to ruin all the celebration in the Homecoming. But then they simply do not want to find out the whole story, they just report because a bomb in PMA is in fact interesting. But it was entirely wrong, it wasn't a bomb it was a bag purposedly placed there to check the preparedness of PMA in crisis situation. We do that here all the time we even have fire drills every now and then even in the wee hours of the morning. We have to be prepared especially when we expect no less than the President to grace the graduation ceremonies on 25 March.... hay nako ang media talaga....

So what is the real score here in PMA? We have a cultural presentation tonight from the Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila. And then tomorrow we have the regular parade and then for my company we will move to another barracks.... wait wait we will move to our newly renovated, now-tiled barracks with all the beautiful NEW lockers and white walls hahaha.... the others might go on privilege and maybe watch a movie at SM as for me, maybe I'll sleep the whole afternoon or maybe text my friends. So to answer the question, what more can I say... everything is normal and we are in high spirits. I assure you people not to worry, the cadets in PMA are very well taken cared of by the Superintendent and you can be confident that when we graduate we will not be the ones who will bring headaches to the government... Para sa bayan lahat to :)