Memories are blessings

I had to be spontaneous my mind is so full of thoughts that feels so good that I am hoping that if I just allow my fingers to type away I can capture everything that I am feeling.

I was looking at picture posted by my friends in friendster. I saw the picture of my high school classmate who is now with (as in the boyfriend girlfriend thing) someone whom we use to call as dentist. And then I saw my old class picture taken way back when I was in fourth year high school in school year 1997-1998. I remembered in that picture all of the boys decided to coordinate closing the last buttons of our uniforms near the neck. I was at front and with me was the PMA cap that my brother (who was then a yearling) gave me. That cap was very special to me because it represented my dream of being a PMA cadet, some dream that is the reason why I am now wearing a cadet uniform. I went on and on until I saw the picture of the most beautiful girl in the world. She was smiling and it made my heart leap as I realized how beautiful she is especially when she smiles. I do not know, I was just so amazed. As always, I do not have a clear direction when I log on to the internet. I just jump from one website to another hoping that something will trigger my creative instinct and allow me to write something. Grabe naiiyak na ako the more I look at her pictures, Am I becoming abnormal?

Let me be serious now...

Why is it that some memories just make us cry? When I was in third year high school, I remembered receiving a letter from my mother who was in the States. I do not remember what it said all I knew is that as I was trying to sing Alamid's Your Love, I begun to cry. I cried because somehow the song got to me and all of a sudden I missed my mother so much. When she died, I was not sad initially. I learned of her death when I was a two week old plebes still undisposed with what was happening around me. When it finally settled in, I cried in my sleep asking God to give me one more chance to hug her, just one more chance. I remembered how she bid goodbye to me around a month before in some shant somewhere in Cebu. She was telling me to make something out of my life, be good always. Unknowingly, that was to be the last time I will ever talk to her, the last time to hug her, the last time to see her alive. Every now and then when I feel so down, I remember that time and gather strength from the aspirations of a mother who loved me so much.

So how does that relate to the pictures that I saw a while ago. I do not know if you can follow me but pictures are memories, and memories are manifestations of blessings. If I was to think about the so many things that happened to my life, I can just be amazed by the blessings that abound me despite of the so many trials. It makes me cry to realize how I have fared in this game we call as life plus the so many things I can look forward to with the assurance that everything will go well. In a few days time I intend to write something about things I am thankful for in my life. It will be a tribute for something... you just have to guess what that something is... its getting nearer....

Forgive the organization of the thoughts, as I said I was being spontaneous.... I love you people

A 7 minute blog

I do not have much time to really write. My watch says that I have around 7 minutes. The whole day was so packed with so many activities and there was just no time to spend some time and really write something. So just bear with what I can come up with the little time and the speed of my fingers.

My legs are aching after running the 5 kilometer route after resting for so long. It was to begin the series of roadruns that we will have in the next coming days that is part of the two week long Leadership Enhancement Program that all of us are going through. In the afternoon we reviewed the battle drills and had fun throwing "grenades" at the plebes and observing how they react. Then just moments ago, I had to go through this session where I was to discuss important subjects regarding training to my fourthclass squadmates. Tomorrow will be an symposium about the Philippine Air Force as if they can convince me to join them instead of the Army. I really just hope that I can find time to do things that I want to do like writing my letters and blogging.

A friend of mine called this morning and asked me to write about the Project ISLAM. I gave him a copy of the article about the project that was to appear in the next Corps Magazine. He wanted me to have something shorter as his requirement is only about 1000 words. I am thinking of making the article more personal touching on the angle on being a soldier, a Christian and of course the effects of war. I'll see what I can think of

Well time is up... babush....

BS and random blogs

Is there a limit to one's BS as in Bilib sa sarili? I just came from this forum that was supposed to inspire me to become a good soldier once I graduate. Indeed, I was given a glimpse of the pressures that I will be faced with but I hated it when it became a question of pointing out to the audience that he is just so good, the speaker's BS makes me want to vomit. Although it is true that his achievements are commendable and impressive especially while still being a junior officer, but all of it is lost when he monopolizes the discussion with his greatness.

About a week ago, I was tasked to write for a magazine regarding the exploits of this officer. I have heard a lot of his accomplishments as he was my instructor last summer but I was only to learn the hard facts after a summary was given to me so that I can do the write-up. It was completely awesome. The thing is, I realized that sometimes it is not just whether or not you have something to be proud of, the kind of person you are also matters. It is true that some people have good credentials but it is not just those credentials that will speak for the person but also the king of person he or she exudes to the others that he or she will be dealing with. Just imagine this, we were shown a documentary made by a photo journalist. It highlighted the realities of war in Mindanao. It wasn't really about him but his exploits composed a big part of that documentary. When he showed it to us, most of the video was played at 1.5 speed for us not to understand what was happening. When it finally came to the point where he was the subject, he just pressed the button and it was played at normal speed. I hated the fact that he denied me the opportunity to appreciate the whole documentary as a whole simply because it was more imprtant to highlight how good he is. I hated that I do not understand the connection between his exploits and the war in mindanao. In the end, I hated that it was more of a showcase of how good he is rather than inspire me to emulate him.

Last night I started to rant about my frustration of not being able to go to L--a because I will not be going on break. In the past days, it is this thought that haunts me. Due to the recent things that are happening, I am beginning to imagine more and think of more innovative ways to reach out. The tangengot comment does not matter for that person basically has no idea what is happening and he is entitled to his opinion. As the days go by, I am beginning to think that I could do so much if only I was going on break. But then I have to just contain myself and save all my imaginations at the right time. This may not be something that I am happy about, but I know that in due time I will understand the wisdom why things have to be this way. I am still in my trance being so happy about everything despite of the break that I will not be able to avail.

My ears still ring but it getting better, maybe tomorrow it will be restored to its full hearing capability... I remember one quote that I would like to share... It is not about what you did, it is about how much love you placed in what you did...

Till then people...

Things that happened

My ears are still ringing. Earlier I was in this competition that tested our knowhow in basic military skills. These skills include, land navigation and map reading, signal cimmunication, weapons proficiency, markmanship and of course running. The participants were randomly selected from the whole company and I was one of the lucky picks. It was fun, trying my best to remember all the military knowledges that I learned. I assembled the weapons, fire several rounds of live ammunition, run 3.2 kilometers and had fun in the process. In the end, my team won the competition and it was all worth it, the sweat and the unavoidable mishap was all rewarded when we finally received our plaques from the Commandant himself.

Nothing really changed much only that as the days pass and the break gets closer and closer, I am beginning to feel the frustration that goes with not being allowed to go on break. In an e-mail I was asked by someone... Are you going to L--a? My reply was jolly but inside me is the frustration that I am not that rare opportunity to visit HER...

Anyway, I am not to begin another litany of frustrations, time is running out, tommorrow I promise to write something better than just the things that happen. I guess I am still in some sort of trance imagining beautiful that just carries me off my feet... I'm signing off.... I love you people....

God's Angel

I was browsing through many different websites trying to put myself in the right frame of mind so as to write something. I was trying to force myself to write something that made good sense considering that this might just be my last entry for the week. As the usual practice, there will be no internet connection on finals week which will begin tomorrow. And so, I jumped from one blog to another, to differend news items when one officer entered the laboratory I was occupying. He was dressed in his jacket and I knew him as the officer who once gave me one favor that changed my life.

I still consider going back to PMA as my biggest feat so far. I mean, raising fifty seven thousand from scratch for my eye operation, practically begging people to let me in and of course the one of a kind experience of self realization that has defined the person that I am now. But not many people actually knew who gave me that boost to really put me in. The one person who went out of his way to really see to it that I go back to PMA.

After finishing the week long Physical and Medical examination at V. Luna Medical Center in January 2004, I was faced with a very serious problem. I was told by the eye doctor at the hospital that I was disqualified because of my failing eyesight. I asked the usual question: "What must I do?" I was told that I should undergo a treatment known as Laser-assisted In Situ Keratomileusis or simply LASIK. It was an eye operation that would put my eyes under a laser beam to correct my vision. I did not know what that meant at first but just by listening to the name of the treatment, I knew it was going to be hard. I started asking around finally finding myself in St. Luke's Medical Center. I was told that the treatement would cost me fifty seven thousand.

By mid-February, I still did not have money for the treatment. I did not know what to do and time was running out. I was told that the list of incoming cadets will be deliberated upon and will be finalized by end of that month. There was simply no possibility that I can go through the operation by that time. I was hopeless and I cried myself to sleep. I thought that I just might not go back to PMA. But miracles happen and in this instance it was in the form of people going out of their way and just helping you. That was how it was for me. The officer I was talking about was once the head of the Office of Cadet Admissions. I sent him a text message and begged him. I do not have the slightest clue of what I was trying to achieve, I just thought that it was him that I should ask. He said as a reply to my text message that he can not promise anything but he will try. He then instructed me to report to him the following day. The next day, I told him my predicament, how I made it to that point and what are the things that I was doing. He gave me one look and asked me one question: "Are you really sure that you can raise the money for that treatment?" Eventhough I was still uncertain where to find the money I said yes. The next day I learned from the enlisted personnel in the PMA Liason in V. Luna that he went to the Chairman of the Medical Board and demanded that I be included in the list. He assured them that I was to go through the treatment. When the final list came out the week after, my name was there despite of still not going through the treatment. I do not know what caused that good officer to just take my word when I innocently said yes to his question, but it was an answer to my prayer. Eventually I did raise the money, went through the treatment and went back to PMA. It happened because one kind hearted officer, although did not know me trusted me and went out of his way to help me.

As that officer was going out, he noticed me. He went near me and tried to see my namecloth (my last name is sewn there) on my uniform. He looked at my face, then to my side where he noticed the chevron I was wearing. He then remarked, "Uy, secondclass ka na." I stood up and proudly said, "Yes sir!!!". He then asked me questions regarding my academics which I proudly announced that I have only one final exam, the others are all exempted. When he came out, I was so proud of myself. Maybe he just realized that he was not wrong when he did what he did about three years ago.

I guess he was my angel at that time. He was God's answer to my prayer revealing to me and I hope to other people as well that God works. It was a manifestation of how God orchestrates things, including people, to do things in our favor. In the process, it teaches us valuable lessons that will just change our lives forever.