GK Photos

This is not a new entry, I just want to announce that I edited the GK entry from October 17 to put the pictures in that I recently got. View it from here... thanks

Nothing to write about

I was staring at this blank page for the last few hours and still I do not have any idea what to write about. I just started typing hoping that later on something will come out.

Earlier this morning I wrote my letter. For those who do not know I write a letter to someone every week. I started it feeling very sad because the whole barracks was so silent, I was alone. I went here (at the Computer Laboratory) so that I will not be able to see the others who will also be taking their break. Tonight, there will be fewer cadets and the loneliness will further embrace me. I do not have a cellphone and my contact to the outside world is limited to this screen. That is how my life is now and that is how it will be in a couple of days, I now understand why they call this punishment.

Well, my mind is still so much into all the feelings I have inside me. I do not have a clear idea what to write about, I feel that I just need someone to talk to and release everything that I am feeling at this time. I'm sorry people, I can not offer you anything at this time... you can just delight yourself with the picture I recently uploaded during my Gawad Kalinga trip... as if the picture is delightful. Nevertheless it's here

I do not know what to write anymore... again I'm sorry

The things that are harmless

My body is aching now from the very tiring day I had going through a footmarch the whole day. That plus the fact that tomorrow will be the start of break and I am not joining it. Anyway, I won't deal with that anymore since I can not really do anything about it, I refuse to stay at the barracks since everyone is either talking about break or preparing for it.

Anyway, I had a short chat with a friend I met last year in a conference I attended. We started talking about this activity that she will be attending and then we had some sort of an exchange of thoughts about something. I do not want to explain what that activity was about but our topic focused mainly on being careful with the things that we get ourselves into. I started by asking her if she did not feel weird about the people behind the activity that she will be attending. I was trying to start a conversation and I asked her because I felt something different with the people that organized that activity. I felt that the people were trying to manipulate us into doing something and it was all for selfish reasons.

When she said that she also felt that something wrong was happening, I then asked her why is it that she still got involved with the people. She said that she ignored it because it wasn't that serious and that she was just an observer, she does not intend to immerse herself with the people. But I wondered as she was saying this because the same people just sent her to a foreign country and she will attend another activity by the same organization this december. I do not wish to put conclusions that she is being tricked into something, for all I know I may be wrong. My concern is that she ignored the feeling that she initially felt believing that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing. She simply felt that it was harmless.

I remember a message I heard sometime ago at church. The message touched on the life of David, yes the same person that God described as "a man after my own heart." He may just be the person that almost reached the idea of perfection that God wanted for each of us and yet he was not sinless. He committed murder and adultery. Well the story started when he saw Bathsheba bathing from his window. He was enticed and yet he ignored it because he was just watching, it was harmless. From that "harmless" incident, he committed murder by putting Bathsheba's husband in the frontlines of an ongoing war to die and then committed adultery. For most people, the reality of situations do not immediately manifest itself. Sometimes we tend to ignore the little whispers that we have inside us not because we feel that it should be ignored but because we fail to grasp the reality of these feelings. Sadder still because we simply say that it is harmless dismissing the whisper altogether.

When I was around six or seven, I took the change that my mother left in our kitchen. At that time I always wanted to buy softdrinks which costed five pesos. I began with just taking five pesos, but sometimes there were more money, sometimes there were even bills. My five pesos became 20 pesos and then 50 pesos and finally I was able to steal 500 pesos. Well, I am not proud of these things. To just put some justice to the story, when my mother learned of my mischief, she pounded my fingers with a screw driver until some parts of my finger turned violet. People may consider that harsh but I did learn my lesson. The five pesos I took at first seemed harmless. I reasoned that my mother had lots and lots of coins and she wouldn't even notice that five pesos was missing. That was also my reason with the 20 peso bill up to the 500. It began because I thought what I was doing was harmless. I ignored the whisper I heard from within me all because it was harmless.

I guess my example can be very obvious as stupidity and it may not necessarily apply to my friends case. But the point I am driving at is that there is something in us that guides us and warns us about things. I do not know if people listen to this "whisper" as I call it but I believe that these are whispers from God. David fell into sin despite of how Godly he is because he ignored these whisper and as for me, I was just immature and naughty. The point is it is not always that we are able to see the implications of the choices that we are making. I think for most people it is because of that uncertainty that delays their action over something. But for others it is because of it that they plunge into that decision believing that it is harmless. The question there is how do we know? One may argue that it is better to find it out rather than spend the rest of your life wondering what it was. I do not know how to go about that but I am presenting something that I truly believe in. The whispers of our heart are whispers from God. Most people ignore it simply because they lack the faith to believe that a Supreme Being is there that is guiding them and always directing them to the right path. In reality, nothing is certain in this world, everything boils down to faith. It is easy to have faith on things that we can see and is real but not all things are like that, in fact most of the things in life are just incomprehensible and beyond our understanding. The exercise of faith is what decides our life. It is not something that can be explained by any cosmic science but it has been proven to work in the lives of many great people. It comes from the acceptance that life is not in our control.

My time is running out, I have to finish this entry now although so many ideas are still playing inside my head. Maybe I can write about the same topic some other time. I have to go now.

The bad things and some treat

The string of thought that occupied me last night ended when I stopped writing about it when the Sergeant insisted that I leave the Computer Laboratory because he was closing up. I have no choice now but to start anew with another string of thought and be sensible.

Coming from a meeting about this year's 100 night show, I was relieved that my script was not approved. It was not just because I wanted to have all the time to improve it, I just wasn't really convinced that I wanted to involve myself with this year's show. And so I came back to barracks feeling a sense of relief and having some thoughts that I'd rather keep to myself now because of some issues that I have to settle.

When I came back to barracks this afternoon after eating lunch, it was posted in our bulleting board that break will begin on 25 October, that would be Wednesday and I am not joining it. I guess the feeling is not really as good as I thought it would be. At least I had the time to really start accepting the truth, I pity those who only knew today that they were not going on break. Of course, I hate that I will not be able to do what I thought I could do. I hate that I will ahve to stay here and wonder how much fun I was missing outside. I am now looking forward to the Lovers in Paris DVD that a friend promised me, maybe I can start being sentimental. This will be the first time that I will not go on break since I became a cadet and maybe I can learn a lesson or two. As my father would put it: "pangit naman kung gragraduate ka na lang na hindi naexperience ang maging touring at confined." I do not know if he was comforting me when he said that but then life is just like that, we just have to experience the bad things to better appreciate the good things.

Now speaking of good things, I received a birthday greeting from a very important person last night. Although it was not something that I expected (I was thinking of cards and stuff like that), I was happy receiving it. Not only that I wanted to hear from her for the longest time, I just missed her. I realized that when I started reading her short note. I know she was trying to keep it simple but still it felt so good that I spent the whole time before I slept thinking about her. One will never really understand why little things can feel so good if it came from a special person, I guess it is just about me and about all the things that I am feeling for her. With all the many things that worry me these days, that was indeed a treat.

Well, tomorrow will be our footmarch. It will be tiring but I am hoping I'll be able to enjoy it. In the next coming days, I am thinking that this blog will be my companion while the rest of the Corps will go on break... of course this and Lovers in Paris. Life for me is encountering some rocky road, I am just hoping that it wouldn't be like that for long.

Good day people...

Random thought about spontaniety

I have 10 minutes to type this entry.

Although it was my birthday yesterday, I felt bad when the praise and worship practice at church did not turn out well. There was a conflict on what is to be done and I wondered if we were actually doing what we were supposed to do. I know that we have all the good intentions its just that our ideas of hte good intention do not jive. Grace was more particular of the details, trying to make sure that the tune is something that the congregation can sing with. She took time who holds the tambourine, how fast the song will be and so many other things. I, on the other hand, believed that the praise and worship should be spontaneous. That it should be something that is God directed and I should not worry much on the details. Although I agree that God is a God of order, but the question is, whose order? Is it our order?

I am a spontaneous person. I practically do so many things in my life just letting it be believing that God will always take care of me no matter what. But of course, I do not take things for granted. I try to plan out things beforehand but always believing that it will still up to God if He will make things happen as planned. I believe that we have to allow a certain leeway so that God can reveal himself. So in that occassion, I hated it because we beveame so preoccupied with all the details and I believe that it came to a point that we worried more of the details than do what we were supposed to do in the first place... that is to practice....

I have to stop now my time is up.....