It is not always that I listen to a speech from our usual visitors every saturday that I end up thinking about what that guest said. Today is definitely one of those rare moments. For some reason listening to a four star general talking about his "rotment" as a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy and then concluding by saying "NO AMOUNT... I'M NOW THE CHIEF PNP" kind of gives so much hope in whatever rotment it is that I am feeling everyday that I spend here. I think this blog has been a witness to the many complains I have, from the simplest to the silliest. I always defend myself that although I complain, it is just my way of releasing the building up tension inside me. This afternoon, when I went out of the mess hall, I kind of thought that maybe the general speaking in front just moments ago might have had the same feeling that I always have but still he persisted. And that may have been true to all the other generals in the hall that afternoon. In the end, came back to my room having a renewed sense of hope and realizing that each day that I move on brings me closer to my goal. Maybe in the not so distant future, I will be able to say to myself... "NO AMOUNT!!!"

I actually have tons to do. In my front is a folder that has something to do with a class project that has been unofficially delegated to me to do. I also have a lot of things to write for some other requirements. The irony is that although I am aware of all this, it seems that I do not have the will to do what I have to do. I end up staring at the computer screen and jumping from one friendster account to another. I then start missing people and become sentimental and then write about it in this blog (just right now) Maybe its because I do not have someone to talk to like I had Yaser way back in the days that I did not wear the cadet uniform. Maybe because I try my best not to deal with my problems and just hope for the better. Or maybe I am just stressed up that I can not concentrate on accomplishing my tasks. I do not know but I really have to gather myself and start going back to what I am supposed to do.

Imagine the irony of what I am writing, first its about hope and then suddenly I am talking about losing focus... something is definitely wrong with me. Anyway, the article will soon come out just be patient... Goodbye people....

So this is how it is during winter

Yesterday, I heard from the news that Baguio registered ten degrees which was a torture to most of us. We had to close all of our windows and cover ourselves with blankte just to get through the night. I, for one, expected this because January and February are usually the coldest months here but its just colder this year. Then later, there was a weather news from CNN, surprisingly, New York registered sixteen degrees which means Baguio is colder. I then said to my room mates "Ganito pala pag winter sa ibang bansa" then going near the iron which we used as a makeshift heater.

Well the cold weather can bring about so many thing. For one, no matter how "unsleepy" you are you just can't help but fall asleep because of the weather. I was listening intently earlier in my Statistics class, already feeling bored because the lesson was something I already knew. Instead, I started to solve my assignment so that I will not have to do it in the barracks. I wrote the formula, punched some numbers in my calculator, write the result and then do it all over again. I became so preoccupied with what I was doing when suddenly, I heard my whole class saying out my name. Finally, my seatmate touched my back and then I was awakened. My paper had no writings in it and my calculator was turned off... well blame it to the weather.

Aside from that, waking up becomes harder. Imagine when you have become so comfortable inside your blanket where it is warm and comfy and you can feel the coldness creeping from beyond your covered body. When my room mates begin to start making their noise at 5:30 in the morning, its as if I would want to just totally disappear and be let alone to sleep. Of course, I can't because after sometime I really had to wake up and change into my uniform. Surprisingly taking a bath is different. I do not know if it is scientifically possible but it just seems that the water in the sink is warmer than the climate. My theory is that because of the very cold environment the water was not able to catch up. Although the water is still called, your body becomes warmer afterwards only that you start to chill again as soon as the cold air blows to your body.

But all in all the weather did not stop me from doing what had to be done. The day goes on with its normal routine and I can just hope that this weather will be warmer in the coming days. So this is how it is during winter, I am kind of wishing that snow will start falling tomorrow just for the sake of experience. Anyway, so this is how cold it is in Baguio, in case you people would want to take a vacation here do bring your thickest jackets....

Questions

I did not intend to write a post just now, but the comment in one of my previous posts kind of trigerred some reaction that I had to straighten out some things. I do not wish to be miunderstood in this one.

Although it would seem that I felt bad about being banned from writing in the mag, that is not what I am really sad about. I have long accepted that I will not be able to always say what I think(or write it for that matter). If one may have observed how I have been in the many posts in this blog, I have always been critical about the kind of leadership exercised by the people around me. I am inside the biggest leadership laboratory in the country and its sad that even in this place there are instances that something is not right. In my limited knowledge about the real world and my inexperienced ego, I do know that my perception is not that good but I am very much aware if things are not going the way it should.

These are the questions at hand:

1. What is the leader's responsibility to his subordinates? Does he ignore them as long as he has the best of intentions?
2. Is it too hard to understand that sometimes we do not have the monopoly of ideas that sometimes it helps to seek other people's opinion?
3. Does longevity equate to maturity?
4. Who says something is wrong when your boss is going wild especially in the military organization?

In all these questions (there are many others that I can think of) I realized that in the end it will not be about the leader but about how we wish to define ourselves. I do not have all the answers but I do know that when all else fails I will have to stick to my convictions, remember my values and put my faith in God.

Announcement!!!

I am quite done with THE ARTICLE THAT GOT ME INTO TROUBLE. As promised I will publish it in this blog. I sent it to some friends for editing and final inputs and then I'll post it here, kindly wait for it. Thank you very much...

The end of my writing career

Yesterday, when I went back to the barracks I was called to go to an officer. I was being asked to write something for them. Going back a few hours after and lying on my bed, I can not understand why I am being asked to do something that has caused me to be in trouble. Again, I promise not to give out details but let us just say that I got into trouble over something that I wanted to write. I thought I would be dismissed and I came into something that allowed me to confront my greatest fears. But let me start from the beginning.

I remember how I envy a classmate in high school who writes so well. She had such talents in words that I often find myself carried away by the emotions in her writing. For my part, the writing that I did most of the time then were letters to the editor, complains over school policies and others that almost always are critical to an existing system or entity. Being in the student council then, I find it so easy to rebut issues that my organization is being placed especially when my emotions are running wild in rage over the writers. I hated the writers then.

Then I discovered blogging. Its not like it came out of the blue, the joy of being able to express myself has somehow led me to a feeling of contentment that I have never experienced in my life. At first I only wrote comments about the things that I have seen, later on it became my experiences and in time I was practically writing everything that came into my mind. Through the years I have developed a sense of confidence on the ideas that I write that I no longer care if people like what I write or not, I was just doing it for the pure love of it.

Writing in PMA was another thing. I just finished reading one fantastic book that I decided to write about it (out of boredom that is). When it was done, I did not know what to do with it so I submitted it to the magazine. I had no intention of doing it regularly but soon they were asking me other reviews about books that I've read. I became bolder and bolder in my writing that soon, I was writing everything that came to mind that might suit the taste of the readers of the Corps Magazine. Of course there were also times that I did it for some gain. I once joined a writing contest here in the Academy and won some money which gave me the idea that I can actually get money from it. But generally, through the years I have learned to love writing not just for pure expression but for cleansing of the soul. I do not expect people to understand what I mean but let me just say that it is something that I really want and enjoy doing.

And then my tragedy. Its not like I was thinking of some corrupt idea for something or for someone, I was just doing what I thought was appropriate. Apparently it wasn't that appropriate to some people and everything came down crashing into me. I guess the things that we love the most does not necessarily mean that we are always being rewarded, sometimes the things that we love the most are those that will be used to question the kind of person we are. And I say that they were entirely wrong.

My writing now is confined to this blog and of course to some tasks that they think I can help them with. The irony of it is that despite of them acknowledging that writing is something that I am good at (this is the deduction considering that they are asking me to write their reports, some articles and others) they refuse to allow me to practice the kind of person that I have become because of the talent that I have been endowed. I first thought that the end of my writing career will be something that I will dread. But now, looking at the ideas that I jotted down in preparation for articles that I wanted to write, its not really that bad. I learned that in the end I do not have anything to prove to them and they will never kill my talent no matter what happens. Maybe I am trying to console myself but the truth of the matter is although there is something that they took away from me, my writing career will never end. My ideas will endure as long as people will keep on reading it.

I am not yet so sure if I will do it but I am planning to publish the article that ended my stint at the Corps Magazine in this blog. I'm hoping they (I mean those who stopped me from writing it) will read it. I am hoping that they will restrain me again and this time they will hit me harder, maybe dismissing me. Its not like I was writing something that is prejudicial to the AFP, or was calling for a mass action, I was simply making a good article about a topic that is not even controversial. I know I will be fearful but after going through what I went through, I think I will be able to handle it. If I will be judged because of what I write then be it, at least I am applying something that they taught me.

So I have finally accepted that my stint at the Corps Magazine has ended. I will never write again in that magazine unless they are the ones who will ask me to come back, oh I would love it if it was the person who signed my death warrant (its as if he cared for that magazine). So its the end of something and the beginning of another. May God Bless me.