Taking the path

I am supposed to be preparing for tomorrow's parade. The parade tomorrow will be the first time that my class will act as Cadet Officers in a Saturday parade. But then there are just some thoughts that I feel I have to write, for some reason I can not help it.

Just before I went here, we were briefed about the choice of branch of service we will be making by next Saturday. For those who do not know why this is done, the Philippine Military Academy us the primary source of Officers for the Armed Forces, meaning each class is distributed to the three branches of service of the AFP namely: Air Force, Navy and the Army. For each class, there is a quota that is determined by the branch of service of which we will fill up. For our class, the basis for priority will be our merit list as of last semester. It is from this angle that I will begin to construct my point.

I have always said that PMA is a big community of dreamers. For most of us here, we went through all that we went through because we dared to pursue big and difficult dreams. I wouldn't want to go through the challenges that one can be contended with as a cadet but generally, it takes effort to survive each day inside this Academy wearing the cadet uniform. It is from those dreams that one can say that generally our choices here will determine what happens with our lives in the future and in the case of my class now this choice is on which service each of us will join.

I am a die-hard Army as many of us would put it. Although I can be lazy at walking and having with me a heavy backpack, I know it is the life that I want. Well, that really isn't a big problem since in most cases, it is the Army that gets the biggest share of yearly PMA graduates. I think after leaving the lecture hall earlier, many of my classmates, especially those who did not make it in the quota of their preferred branch of service are in a sort of troubled state. The choice that all of us will be making come March 10 will be the life that we will be living for the next 30 years or so of our life. It is not just some ordinary choice that we can back out at one point, we will be joining a WAR where lives are at stake, somehow the choice that we will make will affect our chance of staying alive.

For most people, it will take a while before they are contended by choices that will determine the outcome of their life. Even sadder are those whose life has been a result of passive decisions which was a product of mere luck on life circumstances. But I guess for everyone, when the time has come for us to be contemplative of the life we had, we will remember that one moment when we are to make a very important choice in our life. It will not be about other people, it will be about our life.

Sitting in the lecture hall earlier, listening to the speaker in front, I could somehow feel the tension of everyone of my classmates. Although I am sure of what I want, there is still that feeling of uncertainty in me where I wonder if I really am making the right choice, I wonder how harder it is for the others who have no idea what they want. I could just imagine how it would be for each of my classmate come D-DAY to walk towards that piece of paper where they will eventually write their names. From there, each of our life will begin another chapter -- a chapter that everyone of us is totally clueless.

And so I sit in front of this computer contemplating on the choice I will make and realizing that I am already at the stage where I chart my destiny and that my life is in my hands. When I grow old, maybe I can look at this blog entry and be reminiscent of the exact feeling I have right now. I am hoping that when that time comes, I will wear a smile in my face and say that I made the right choice....

Let's go ARMY...

Law Documentary

I feel so great about the documentary we made for our Law Class that I just can't help but want to publish it in this blog. Its about the role of the AFP in the upcoming elections more particularly as stipulated by the Memorandum of Agreement entered upon by the Department of National Defense and Commission on Election. I am still learning how to upload it in Youtube, just wait for it...

Redemption in the Anvil and another article

I have a reason to celebrate. Standing in the rear this morning during the early morning flag raising ceremony, it was announced to the whole PMA community that the Corps magazine was awarded the Anvil Award for best Public Relation Tool as a School magazine (I do not exactly know the official award but this is what I was told). Although I am done with the Corps Magazine now, I have been a part of all the issues that came out in the last 3 years or so and have always aspired to come up with good articles, took the extra effort to really find some good story and really did my best. And so, in my silence standing so far away from where everybody's attention was directed, I could just be glad that somehow I was part of something good for the Academy.

I am actually contemplating on redemption. Its not that I want to take credit for the award but in state, after what I have been through, somehow, I am looking for something that will redeem myself from the allegations thrown at me as a result of the article I was supposed to write. Just imagine how hard it was for me to forego any break until August of this year just because someone was offended when I asked about people's opinion on something that I was writing on. Of course that also include some harsh words, certain deprivation of the things that I like to do (writing that is) and definitely the fear that it has caused me when it dawned on me that I just might lose my cadetship. You could just imagine how redeeming it was when something that you did is recognized. Not to mention the fact that it was my words that carried the Corps Magazine to that Award (I wrote the write-up that came with the 6 issues included in the package that was the basis for the award). I may seem desperate or just craving for recognition, but when my very credibility is questioned and my innocence is doubted its the things that I have done that will somehow redeem me just as how it is with this Anvil Award. I really pray for some redemption what has happened has happened I just want my credibility back.

Well just for your consumption, I am publishing another one of my great pieces (ehem!!!):

THE ROLE OF THE CADETS IN PMA’S PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE

This one was written when the PMA Command announced an essay writing contest for the 2004 Foundation Day celebrations. I won the cadet category of that contest and was publicly awarded by no less than then the Superintendent and the Commandant of Cadets. The topic is somewhat serious as this deals with PMA's pursuit for excellence but nevertheless I still think this is a good one.... Enjoy.

“I am a member of the Cadet Corps. I live on taxes of my countrymen; I do everything to prepare myself in protecting the Filipino people and when the time comes, I am expected to put my life on the line for the good of my country.”

You may call that a creed of some sort, a line that maybe frightening as it calls for a sacrifice of life, but then that is what is expected of me and to all the other members of the prestigious Cadet Corps Armed forces of the Philippines. Here in this institution, we are thought to be noble men that will be ready to face anything in defense of the motherland. And so this brings me to the role of the Philippine Military Academy in producing men of noble character, men of great patriotism and of course side by side with this goal is the Academy’s pursuit of excellence. Whatever level of excellence the Academy can offer, that will be the same level of excellence that the graduates will exemplify the moment they are given that elusive rank on their shoulders. In PMA, young men and women with dreams are gathered. They are given a full government scholarship and then in four years time, the country watches as they are molded into the finest men and women of character, of courage integrity and loyalty and, of course, of excellence.

The Philippine Military Academy has been undergoing so many changes. It is also undeniable that so much has been said on these programs. Some say, that it is a desperate attempt to please the people who have been criticizing the way PMA cadets are trained. Still others say that it is because of pressures from various sectors that are angry with the military, the academy included. This is the dilemma, the pursuit for excellence in a changing PMA amidst the various opinions of different sectors, all this in the hope that the graduates will be men that will exemplify the highest order of character and love for country. That, in itself, can be a frightening dilemma, a seemingly impossible goal or maybe an expectation too great to achieve.

This generation of cadets are in a period of confusion. There are those who were already cadets before the changes were implemented such that they have been raised in a different culture that the command is now trying to change. And, of course, the new breeds, those that are totally unaware of how it was before and are the focus of attention of everybody, those that are believed to break the status quo, the hope of the Academy. This is a very interesting characteristic as it provides a distinction on the different points of view of cadets regarding the pursuit of excellence. And so we go to another question, how do we pursue excellence in an environment where everybody does agree on what to pursue? These generations of cadets are the key in pursuing excellence in the academy. In my point of view, pursuing excellence at this point of time is getting rid of the culture of malpractices that have developed through the years. Sad to say, malpractices in the Cadet Corps has become a culture that has evolved through the years, unchecked and becoming more and more grave each generation. Unknowingly, cadets have adopted this practices and accepting it as simply natural and thus the cycle goes on and on creating a status quo that is now deeply rooted within the ranks of the Cadet Corps. When I was a plebe I hated being hazed, being “shabbied” and being subjected to so many things that I can not understand. As a result, I promised myself that I will never do anything that I hated to any of my future underclassmen. Later on, I realized that my attitude has changed towards things. I always reasoned that it is never the fault of any cadet to be exposed to the malpractices that he or she was subjected to or is doing to his or her underclass. I was just convinced that every malpractice that I hated is enough reason for me to go on with my training bearing in mind that in the long run, it will be my turn to be an upperclassmen and when that time comes it will also be my turn to practice what I think is the antidote to those malpractices that I hated. The pursuit of excellence in this changing PMA environment, I believe, is not about programs being implemented by the Command, it is about how to change the existing culture of cadets. The cadets may adapt to the programs being implemented and eventually they will figure out ways on how to tamper with these programs for their advantage, but the way I see it the cadet culture should deviate from this present culture. The new culture should be a culture where a cadet refuses to subject his or her subordinates to the corruption that he has been exposed to. A culture where “snappity” is not based on comparison as to how the previous classes went through cadetship, more particularly plebehood, but based on the how each cadet is trying his best to live up to the ideals of the academy and the expectations of the Filipino people. As a line in Desiderata say:”Do not compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter.” Yes, some cadets are bitter, not for some valid reason but because they chose to be bitter. They’d rather see their underclassmen undergo the same corruption that they were subjected to rather than work towards the elimination of these practices. They are so bitter that they fail to see beyond the malpractice and realize that something must be done to stop this. They are bitter because they do not realize that it is only through their acts of change, being part of the prevailing culture, will this situation be stopped. Little acts, yes, little acts.

This is the sad reality of the present generation of cadets. I do not wish to put the Corps in bad light, but then this is reality and as men of courage, it is an act of courage accept this and make the necessary corrections. The pursuit of excellence of this noble institution is anchored in the kind of attitude that the cadets will exercise in response to the changes being implemented by the administration. It is true that some of the changes that were implemented are drastic yet, it is also the role of any soldier to accept these changes even if they do not necessarily agree with it. Any responsible soldier will accept that no one is fit to command unless he or she has learned to obey. It is in this context that I base my opinion that the cadets play the major role in PMA’s pursuit for excellence. They work hand in hand with the command in doing what is necessary to eliminate the Academy of the prevailing bad culture and at the same time it is also because of them that this bad culture should be eradicated.

All in all, above everything, it is the role of the cadets that should be the top priority in the Academy’s pursuit to excellence. It is only through the effort of each and every member of the cadet corps that PMA will be successful in truly being excellent. As each cadet realizes that the status quo should be broken, each cadet should make the initiative to do what he or she think is right and start planting the seeds for excellence. It is only when one starts doing something that something actually happens. One little effort may not show much effect immediately but sooner or later it will show something. Our stay as cadets here may not be long enough to see the effects of these little efforts but then we do not have a choice, its either we move forward or remain stagnant and prepare for doom. At the end of the day all we can really do is to live up to the highest level of excellence in every aspect of cadetship.

“I am a member of the Cadet Corps. I live on taxes of my countrymen; I do everything to prepare myself in protecting the Filipino people and when the time comes, I am expected to put my life on the line for the good of my country.”

And if I may add:

“Because I am a member of the Corps and because the country is relying on what I can do in making sure that they enjoy all the benefits of our democracy, I should also pursue the highest level of excellence in everything that I do, identifying what should be retained in the current system and taking part in being a catalyst to what lies ahead in the bright future of my beloved Alma Mater and my country in general”

“…Give us that honest purpose in life which seeks fair deal with everyone and shuns all forms of hypocrisy that will enkindle our fighting faith and smother all seeds of cowardice and fear in our hearts; the loyalty to our principles that places all issues above personal considerations and shuns compromise with vice and injustice…”

-- The Cadet’s Prayer --

Blog on a busy life

It has been a while since I was last able to really blog. My last entry was a short storyu that I wrote almost two years ago having decided to post some perviously written articles every now and then. But really, there are just times that I just want to write something in this blog. I just wasn to spit things out and clear up my mind. For some reason this is some kind of a theraphy.

The week has been so busy that I was not able to do some of the thigns that I promised to do. Coming from the hectic alumni homecoming, I thought life would be better not knowing that more is still to come. There is just so many deadlines to meet, projects to do and so many requirements to finish. I have never been this busy in school before and suprisingly I was able to manage. There is still one more multimedia presentation that I need to finish by wednesday, after that its finals week, Graduation week and then finally I am growing another stripe... Imagine I'll finally be in my firstclass year, my last year as cadet. Its surreal but I guess time just flies so fast and the responsibility is little by little dawning in my system. I am beginning to be worried whether or not I will be able to do a good job. We will just have to see.

I am not so sure if I will share this in my blog but somehow I think this will come out in my system so I would rather just put it out. My family is in the rocks again over some stupid thing that one of the people in it did. I will not put any details but this is some trial that people are getting worried about. Not that I am not concerned its just that to a certain point this is familiar territory so I am able to handle it better than the others. I do not know how it really is in the household since I am here but with the stories I am hearing, I am thinking that everyone is in some rough ride. I can just hope and pray that they will be able to go through it thriumpahntly.

I hate to admit it but with the many things that happened, I was not able to write my letter. this is the second week and I am beginning to worry how this thing is being interpreted by the girl who should be receiving this letters. There is just too much to do and I am really looking forward to being able to recover and do something really great for her. I do not know what it is but it is something. The thing is despite the many different developments in my life, she is becoming more and more important. Its something that I do not really understand but there is just this feeling of relief when my thoughts begins to dwell on her. This maybe some crazy thing, I really do not know but with everything that is happening, this is indeed a good spice that keeps my life more bearable despite everything. About a few days ago I reread this letter that I wrote last year for her that I did not send. The letter was so much full of emotions that I never thought I had in me. Somehow it describes all the emotions I am trying to hide because of the obvious gap that we have due to the distance and really not knowing each other. I guess what I am saying is that the adventure continues and just like what I always say in the many things that happen in my life, the wonders will reveal itself in due time... the key is patience.

I am stopping now, I will have to go back to the many things I have to do... I love you people....

Open Call

***

(Note: Since my writing career has ended, I decided to publish some of the articles that I have written in the past years. I will do this as I try to write some more this time for this blog. I intend to do to in this blog what I should be doing in the Corps Magazine if I was not booted out. For the meantime, I am posting some of the articles that I wrote before for the benefit of those who were not able to get copies of the Corps Magazine. I will put this under the label articles for better searching. I will also write some brief background on the articles that will be posted here. Here's the first:

This was published in the 2005 Academic Issue. Technically, this is the first short story that I wrote and is dedicated to someone I met during my first break as a cadet in March 2005. After being mesmerized by her on our initial meeting, I tried getting in touch but to no avail the distance can not be bridged that easily. This was the fulfillment of my promise to her to write something for her and also a way to release my obvious frustration about not being able to receive text messages from people you wish to text. Enjoy!!!)
***

“Message sent.”

The words lingered on my head as I watch those words appear on my cellphone screen with the backlight slowly dimming until finally it faded. My mind was filled with so many things when the message that I just sent came back into view.

“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”

The nyo word was actually a disguise to imply that I sent this message to others and I was just simply bored and that a text from somebody was very welcome. In reality, though, I just sent the message to a single person. For some reason, I feel that it was kind of weird that I wanted to start a conversation through text messaging with her. I kind of wanted it to look as if I was not that desperate to receive a text message from her. The whole study period, I have been thinking of how exactly I will begin something that would merit at least one message from her, or perhaps something that would begin a series of text messages that would at least show that we’re kind of—friends. I was suddenly grasping for ideas on how exactly I will get this lady’s attention. The idleness of my cellphone was not a good indicator. As time slips away I could imagine from the distant, somewhere in Quezon City, that she was actually ignoring me or maybe not. Maybe she is irritated by my obvious lack of attention or maybe she was simply tired or perhaps the more obvious reason, she had no call card balance. But why is it that although I am fully aware of the countless possibilities, I continue to be haunted by the most horrific reason one could come up, that she is ignoring me; pity me.

***

I was singing along with the radio. Although the volume was low, I heard the song clearly, it was my favorite, “Love moves in mysterious ways.” I realized then I had been seated at my desk for the past hour and had done nothing. After I had my dinner, I quickly retreated to my room for no apparent reason. I was simply tired. I thought surviving the day was a feat in itself. But then nothing much has really happened except for the endless “bonding” that I had with my friends. I just recently graduated my pre-law course and although I will begin law school in a few months, I am enjoying this break from school even if it will soon come to an end. So this is how life is when you have nothing else to do. A few months back, I was thinking of this elaborate plan on what I will do the moment I graduate. I thought all the while that I will be able to do everything that I have conceived in my head only to realize that after a while, I have done everything that I thought of doing. I glanced at my watch, it was 9:32. I realized then that I had practically done nothing for the past hour. But then, I have all the time in the world. The fact that I had done nothing for the past hour brought the feeling of contentment. I was contented simply because I know I was free. I was free from a schedule that would dictate when I will wake-up, when I will go on gimmicks. Now, I can sit on my desk for one hour and do nothing. It is indeed a good feeling.

***

My roommate entered the room and he was holding his cellphone. With a smile on his face, I knew right then what was going on. He had just received a text message from one of his girlfriends who was from Leyte. The smile signaled that something just came up. Maybe it was some sweet text message, a quote or something that just triggered this look that I see him in. I have always told him to stop fooling around but then he would always answer me that it was love he felt for all of them, that’s what he said. Well, what can I do, the fact remains that although I do not agree with his affairs, I was simply some nobody waiting for a reply from somebody who, for all I know, does not give a damn about my existence. If you look at it his way, I was some hopeless romantic trying to woo some girl some place far away, who possibly thinks of me as some mere acquaintance and he was the man, the heartthrob. There are times though that I kind of like the feeling that he gets from his escapades but when conscience sets in, I simply ignore the feeling. I always reasoned out that it is because of his antics that hopeless romantics like me are not able to get the good girls. I wonder how it seems too easy for him when in fact he just plays around while I’m still waiting for luck to strike. I just might get lucky and right at this very moment I hope the text message I have been waiting is that luck.

***

I heard the faint knock of our maid. When I opened the door, she just gave me my phone.

“Ate, may message ka.”
“Salamat po, Manang.”

There are two messages. One from a friend I met earlier. She was just asking if I was already home and also to thank me for our little girl talk. The other was from someone that I met a few weeks back. He was a friend of a friend that eventually found his way inside my circle of friends. There was nothing special really about this guy except that he studied at the premier military institution in the country; he is a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy.

“I have 30 minutes to use my cellphone, i-text nyo naman ako.”

As I read those words, I was confused. The truth of the matter is—I do not know him. Perhaps he thinks that some desperate text message like this will start something that would perhaps make me one of his textmates. Cadets are simply like that, at least that’s what I heard. A friend once told me that they have these text friends from all over. Some of these “friends” they actually court and eventually become one of their girlfriends then the cycle goes on. My father was once also a cadet but I never saw him to be that of a playboy. But then what do I really know about them. Even if my father is a general, I know very little about the military. In fact some people will be surprised that I was actually the general’s daughter. It really is nothing to me that my father has stars on his shoulders. I have nothing to do with him rising to that rank, and I did not have a choice being his daughter. But then although I think of it this way, this part of me seems to intimidate people. I remember how a sense of greatness is attached when the topic of me being the daughter of so and so is discussed. For some people it seems that I am this princess. With boys, this becomes part of who I am. It appears to people that I have this high standard with men, sometimes this becomes the reason why they simply do not try hard enough to woo me. But then again, I deserve someone great, there’s no rush anyway, I still have to go to school. Well, maybe this one is another one of those trying to get my attention.

***

The sound of my phone was music to my ears only to realize that the text message was not from her. The message was an advertisement about the latest promo on a certain movie, as if I can watch that movie. There was still no reply from her and I’m beginning to think that this might not be my luck day. I really think that what I am expecting as of this point is not too much of a request. I mean, a simple reply is not hard to do. Being in this place, I will just be happy knowing that at least she bothered. In reality though, I want something more than that. I want to go on a date with her. Maybe we’ll talk about things, maybe about the book I gave her when I attended her graduation party a few weeks back when I was on break. Maybe after that date, I will really get to know her and that I may find something that would further advance my interest on her. Maybe we can go to a cool restaurant I saw way back. I told myself then that I will bring a special lady there. I completely forgot about that restaurant until just recently when I was daydreaming about a perfect date with her. Maybe when I come back, I’ll send her letters, I mean real letters. Not those that is so impersonal that when the computer goes down, your letter also goes down. I imagine something like letters that I carefully compose during study period using the stationeries that are issued to us, just like how my father did when he was a cadet or maybe just like how her father did when he was a cadet. I’m not in love though. Even if just thinking of her tickles me from the inside and even if every night I pray very hard that God will give her to me. I still maintain that I’m not in love. How could I be in love when I do not really know her? Well, I may fall in love with her and that is why although desperate text message is not getting any good result, I’m still hoping that she’ll just notice me and be more than just an acquaintance, maybe share some insights or maybe share other things or maybe fall in love. Ah, will that ever happen.

***

“What is this guy trying to do?” I muttered to myself. He certainly is trying to get my attention, but why? Well the answer is really that obvious. A few days ago, when he went home to attend the wedding of his brother, he asked me to go out with him. After some thought, I realized I was not ready for something like that. I only met him twice and I was not to go out with somebody I barely know. He seems harmless though, and the fact that I am my father’s daughter perhaps gives me that little assurance that he has no bad intention. I declined his offer but told him to join me with some of my friends. I thought that was safer at least there will be other people around and I wouldn’t be feeling uneasy around him. Nothing happened much really except that we had some coffee and we basically did not talk much and then I had to go home while they continued in some videoke bar until morning.

“Sori, I can’t text you right now, I’m kind of busy.”

I gave it one last look and then sent the message.

***

The hallway was noisy. Everyone was walking towards the cellphone rack. Taps was about to sound and that meant that we had to surrender our phones. In a few minutes it will be considered Close call, it is the time when we are not allowed to use our phones anymore. I rose from my seat and walked towards the door when the bugle started to play the familiar tune of Taps. I just walked out of the door when the phone sounded. It was from her. As I was rushing to the rack and tried to read the message, my battery drained and the phone shut down. There was no time to charge now I’ll just read that message tomorrow. I hope it’s something I like.

Open call has ended with me still wondering what is it that I had to do to get her attention. The sad thing about PMA is that we simply do not have the time to meet people that we like. As for me, she was simply far away. No matter how good my intention is, she can’t possibly know it. I think no one can blame us if we cherish the little time we have for text messaging during open call it is the only way we can at least reveal ourselves to people. With me now, it’s the only way I can reveal myself to her. When most networks offered unlimited text and calls to their subscribers it became an instant craze to the cadets, that explains how lonely can it be. When loneliness set in even the simplest text message can bring a smile to a cadet’s face. As for me, I hope there will come a time that I will take advantage of those offers and I hope it’s because of her. Romantics like me can sometimes really be hopeless, why? There is no intricate explanation to that, within the walls of Fort del Pilar, when people are simply fascinated by our uniforms and the way we entertain them during parades and reviews, we hope people will pay attention beyond that fascination, even if only through desperate text messages.

I changed to my sleeping uniform, and then went to the computer to type the long delayed story that I was to submit to the Corps Magazine. Perhaps I could write something about text messages, about admiration or maybe falling in love. That’s an idea. I gazed at the blank screen then typed the first words:

“Message sent.”