Amazing Blogs: When Hanna soared

To live a dream is to be truly alive. A few months ago, I was spending a lot of conversation with a friend on a single topic... following our dream. I will not claim that I am an expert of it but I really believe in my heart that dreams are God's whispers in our hearts that direct us to a path that He has carved out for us. Because he placed in there, He will see us through it.

Hanna is a good friend. I could say that despite of not really being able to see each other, we have developed a friendship that I am happy about. In the few instances that her name appears in YM when I go online, we simply bond. A few months ago, she shared to me how it seemed to her that she is in some rough road. A state in her life when she simply does not know what to do with her life. She has a good and stable job, but she hates it and it seemed to me that something in her heart wants more of what life has to offer. Finally, she took a leap of faith and witnessed a miracle.

Her new blog chronicles her adventures with a program called Up with People. I do not want to tell the story of how it happened that she's suddenly travelling on 19 cities, 7 countries and 3 continents but her dream is a miracle from God. An inspiration for each of us to heed that desire in our hearts and pursue our dreams.

I am happy that she is living her dream. After all the worrying and the fears that she had God gave her a miracle. At the end of it all just as Santiago learned in The Alchemist, When you want something deep in your heart, the universe will conspire to make it happen. I'm vouching for that and I'm sure Hanna is also.

Ang salitang ugat

Pag iniisip kong magpapakaserious ako malamang lamang panay ka kornihan ang naiisip ko at hindi ko tuloy magets kung paano ko naisip yung mga sinusulat ko. Sa dami dami ba naman ng tumatakbo sa utak ko araw na madalas ay hanggang imagination ko na lang, ano nga ba ang magagawa ko... kundi isulat sa munting blog na ito para kahit papaano ay mawala naman ang utak ko sa mga bagay bagay na hindi ko naman masyadong gusto pero kailangan kong pagtyagaan.

Ang totoo, kanina pa nakabukas ang window na ito. Sabi ko kanina magsusulat ako, pero nung tumambad na sa akin wala na namang pumapasok sa utak ko. Ang nangyari nagpalipat lipat ako sa iba't ibagn website hanggang sa maubos na ang oras ko. Ngayon ito na naman ako, wala pa ring kabuluhan, pero at least may naisusulat ako, kaysa kanina na talagang blangko...

Hindi ko talaga carry ang tagalog....

I find it weird that I speak tagalog but do not feel good writing in the language. I must have been so used to the English language tha my hand feels so at home on the keyboard when the words that I form are those from the English Language. But then again, I love the language. I really hate it when some people will keep on speaking on the language despite of the knowledge that the people they are talking to know how to speak tagalog. I just hate it, I feel like they are making me feel that they are better since they speak in the language. I beg to disagree.

It's not just once that I have been to gatherings that require some form of social status to enjoy it. Well for some people, its natural for them to blabber out English words as if its really their first language only to be dismayed when I answer them in the language that I love.. that is Tagalog. For one, I do not see the point of speaking in a language that is not our native tongue when we know for sure that the person we are talking to knows tagalog. In most cases, I really think that these people has this kind of illusion that they are "cooler" by the fact that they speak a foreign language. I can just laugh at the reaction on their faces when I insist to address them in Tagalog until finally they loose the mask and we speak in a language that we understand... that is Tagalog.

Ironic as it seems, I find myself more comfortable writing in a language that is not my native tongue. Again, I think its more of a habit so please do not take it against me or am I just eating up my own words?

Inside these Television Shows

There are just times when I choose to be cheesy and today is one of those.

Believe it or not but dramas seem to have an effect on me that I can practically spend my day engrossed with all the emotions a certain show wants to impose (ang pangit ng word wala lang akong maisip.. thesaurus HELP!!). Just this morning, I was finally done watching all four seasons of the OC still hating the fact that I do not know what happens to the love story of the main character Ryan. But of course, I will not be doing a review of the series that I watched, I'll basically deal with those shows that I loved.

When we were little, we use to watch Matt Lock early in the morning. I was about ten years old then and it was shown early in the morning at RPN 9 around 5 just about the time when we were about to wake up to start the day. The show was a legal drama with Matt Lock as the main character (of course). I did not understand much of the legalities at that time, I just enjoyed it when at the end the main character is able to defend his client well even if I did not understand how the court proceedings went.

During holy week, I would spend the whole day watching the marathon of 7th Heaven. There was also the time when during weekends, there was a marathon of Beverly Hills 90210 at Studio 23. I loved these shows and I hate it when I miss an episode. Of course there was also Meteor Garden. I did not watch it on television but spent two days watching all of the first season and another two days of the second season. I then moved on to Winter Sonatta and Summer Solstice. That was the time when Asian telenovelas was a hit in the country. Of course, there is also the addiction to Smallville that made me watch the whole 5 seasons straight without sleeping. I could remember how I seem to be mesmerized by the stories of this shows that I watch that I usually end up feeling so emotionally involved with the events and how I do not know what happens next.

Last year, a friend lent me the complete season of Lover's in Paris and spent a week (that is considering that I am a cadet whose schedule is rigid) watching all of it. About two weeks ago, I bought all 4 season's of One Tree Hill, then the OC and Numb3ers. I'm already done with the first two and currently on the third one. I guess it can never be denied that I do enjoy these shows, cheesy as they are.

As I was trying to compose this blog, I kind of think of the reasons why I love watching shows like these. I wonder why I like the Lucas-Peyton tandem better than the Lucas-Brooke tandem. I still hate the fact that Marissa was an important character in the life of Ryan when she's practically a b*tch. I love the way how some characters can be so bad, or so b*tchy yet show a human side that everyone would love to have. I like it when no matter how things are, the end is always some realization that is very much close to our hearts. At the back of my mind I can just think of how the events unfolded and somehow feel good about my existence. Although there are times when I hate how a story develops, I still watch it hoping that in the end good will triumph evil.

In the many shows that I have watched, I could understand why life is so colorful just as how I really see it. I feel that no matter how things are, life is easier lived when we know that somewhere in the future there is this assurance(no matter how little) that all will turn out well. I do believe that in the end I will live happily ever after.

I guess, our enemy of not living this life to the fullest is our tendency to be shortsighted resulting to becoming selfish and impatient. In the many shows that I have watched and considering the many troubles the characters have been caught up with, there is this greatness to the fact that in the end the virtues of love, friendship and family becomes the redeeming factor in it. Whether you agree with me or not, these are the virtues that also redeems even in real life.

All of us will find lessons in the things that we experience. For me, its inside one of those crying scenes, arguments or even tragedies that I see in the drama series that I love to watch. The important thing, I should say, is that no matter what happens, we stay in touch with reality and live this life in hopeful aspiration of the goodness that is abounding everywhere.

Be careful... Strive to be Happy.

Just Nostalgia

How much involvement can one really have on the things that he watch? I wonder now as I try to take my thought away from being so pissed at the turn of events of the Drama Series I am currently watching.

A couple of years back, I got hooked up with watching Dharma and Greg. I sure did enjoy Dharma's eccentric antics and Greg's conservative disposition. But more than that, the show somehow took me out of the things that I did not want to put myself into. The show basically brought be some place when all that matters is that the two main characters will patch up their differences and stay together.

I am contemplating on the realization that I can be so carried away when I begin to like what I watch. Believe it or not, even as I type this entry, my feet is like telling me to run back to the barracks and continue watching the show that I was pissed about earlier. Perhaps being the person that I am, I just can't help it but allow the emotional side of me to carry me through my world.

I realized that it speaks so much of the kind of personality I have. I guess the more I try to understand myself, the more I become sure of what I want. And maybe, the fact that I am somehow isolating myself to the "world" has given me this opportunity to be with myself and enjoy it.

A few days ago, I decided to just walk. After eating supper, I started walking. I figured I had plenty of time (around 30 minutes) so I decided to take a really SLOW walk. I did not bring along anyone with me, I just wanted to be with myself. Well, here in PMA, its not like I have so many places to go to when walking, so the place wasn't knew, it was more of contemplation of the things that happened to me in the past years that I am in this place. I look at the Flirtration walk and remember my framed picture at our house long time ago where I was wearing a red jumper and was 4 years old. I look at the cadets praying (the plebes especially) and remembered how I used to cry when I pray back when I was a struggling plebe and pleading for God to help me continue. I see upperclassmen talking to their plebes and remember how I used to do the same hoping that I get my point across despite of the fact that I make their lives a living hell. I remember the few times that I had to run the same ground because I was complying and order as a punishment to a laxity I made. In the 30 minutes that I was just walking the place, it came to me that I just might miss the place when I finally leave it in 8 months time. I realized that the reason why I wanted to be out of touch was because I simply want to start saying goodbye to this place. Believe it or not, inasmuch as I look forward to finally graduating, I hate the fact that I am leaving.

I'm sorry that I seem to not go into being insightful and once again center on my ego. But I guess, although I am not depressed, I am nostalgic. How do you leave a place that gave you your dreams?

Detached

Detached. That's what I call myself now.

Early in June, my phone was confiscated and for some reason I wasn't too sad about it. It somehow felt that I was gaining freedom, freedom from my world outside of PMA. As if this moment I do not know exactly what is happening outside of Fort del Pilar. I do not know who won for Senator nor do I have any idea what is happening to my family. I'm just living my life everyday, not worrying or perhaps not wanting to know what is happening beyond the grasp of my little world here.

I am not turning into a hermit. Aside from watching American Soap Operas, enjoying my dancing lesson for PE and doing my job as the Company Personnel Officer, it seems that for the first time in my more than three years stay in this Academy, I'm finally letting go of all my worries beyond cadetship and just enjoy every bit of my being a cadet. Of course, there are still things that I worry about. I sometimes think of this girl and fear that she might forget me. I wonder what is happening to my younger brother who is in the States now for some training for his Job. I wonder if my niece remembers me. I wonder so much but leave it to that and try to live life here. In 9 months time, I will never be able to return to my current state and all my worries will go back. I am thinking of just being here for some reason I feel some kind of fulfillment of being in this place enjoying every bit of the Baguio climate, with free everything, graduate and make a life.

But the thing really why I am doing this is simply because I think that I am worrying too much. The more I worry, the more I lose sight of what I really want to do. The more I worry, the more I forget that in the end the things in my life will never be up to me, it will be up to what God has intended for me. There are times at night that I have my usual feeling of loneliness, of missing people or just wanting to do the things that my friends back at home do, but with no option to do it, I retreat to the world that I created for myself and thank God that I have something like it. Sometimes we try so much to live life without actually living it and perhaps what I am doing is really to just live it. I did not plan for this nor do I have any idea how long I will be able to keep up, but being with myself now is perhaps the most recent enlightening experience I have had since I became a cadet again.

For all the people looking for me, I'm just here in Fort del Pilar doing whatever it is that I have to do to graduate. Surprisingly, although I think about a lot of things, I'm happy.