This post is written from my ever reliable sony ericsson phone (support asian products) and i hate it when i can not do much tweaking on sentence structures.
Anyway, i just want to pour my heart out over the latest bomb in my life that i have to deal with. I was fine, i even have forgotten those unsaid emotions simply because i was trying to be respectful. I did not heed my urge to say my thoughts for comfort for the reason that it wasn't my role. I cherished the whole experience of loving unconditionally, looked forward to the next best thing, ignored the lingering thought that you might just be that best thing and lived life. I got used to ignoring these beasts inside my head and allowed my heart to heal naturally. But why drop the bomb now?
These are truths that i discovered, i can not stand the thought of you being unhappy, i can not ignore you and what was true then remains true now. I'm a broken piece of a man for not following my heart and its haunting me now.
Wala ng space sa phone... Leche
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Be the best that you can be... Be a PMA Cadet
The Exam is on August 31 at major cities nationwide. For walk-in applicants bring your birth certificate and transcript of records. for more information visit the PMA Website
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Poem
Everyday I see this beauty staring at me
And everyday I wish I can share it with somebody
Because everytime I see this, instead I feel lonely
As this beauty stares at me, I always realize I have nobody
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Of wanting to go back
A few month ago, this entry would have been ridiculous but I write it now.
It has been three months since I boarded a C-130 plane bound to Davao. The excitement was just so much as I was very eager to finally do the things that I have prepared for in the four years that I was at the Academy. It was initially difficult as I try to establish myself to my new environment. I know had more responsibilities, more freedom and was in a new place. It was a good place to start a long career in the military.
Davao in some way is very much similar to Dumaguete City, I place that I love so much. Aside from it bigger in terms of land area, the people and the atmosphere reminds me of the beautiful place that I discovered myself back when I was young. Although it was my first time to come to the Land of bountiful Durians, the adjustment to the place seemed natural as I was already used to a laid back lifestyle in a growing yet very friendly city. As the days turned into weeks, then into months, I slowly learned to enjoy the new life I had away from the pine trees of Baguio and more especially, to the people that I love.
The days that came was a blur as I was again bombarded with new concepts that would make me better prepared to my responsibility as a new lieutenant. My eagerness to go out in the field grew by the day as I begin to become bored with classroom instructions and endless practical exams similar to that in the Academy.
Meeting family also made my experience more interesting. Imagining coming to a new place with no resemblance of family and having no place to go and then learning that you had relatives in the area. To my relief, Panabo City became a "pseudo-home" as I had an uncle (my father's cousin) who welcomed me into his humble home. I just love being able to talk to them about things knowing that we have the same family name although it was the first time that I met them. I enjoyed the thought that I had family in this place and looked forward to wonderful memories that I will be spending with them in the many years that I will be assigned here.
When I was finally assigned to do what I am supposed to do, it was still good. Meeting new people and somehow, the respect that they give me because of my rank was overwhelming although I love it. But then again, the training that I got reminded me that these treatment should always be compensated by the service that I should be giving them. The experience paved way to many interesting discoveries about the people that I serve, my country and more especially discoveries about myself. When one actually immerses himself in a community and try to really connect with them, something inside just comes into play and your person just consumes them. From thinking that the assignment was merely a job, I found myself personally convicted to give justice to the plight of this people and be true their soldier.
Yes, so many things have happened and now I go back to my first sentence. I could say that the life that I have created is something that some people my age will envy. I have a steady job, a good pay for a bachelor and the whole world to conquer. But I realized, how responsibilities can just consume a person later realizing that you have lost the kind of person that you truly are. I remember telling people that I meet now how simple their life is. I look at myself now as someone who, at a very young age, is trying to make a difference out of the lives of many of my countrymen. Here I am trying to carry a tremendous responsibility and I should say being good at it but in the process losing the person that I am. My responsibilities have somewhat overshadowed the person inside me which has eaten up the fun and joy that I should be experiencing. As I said, the things that I write now about what I do may seem ridiculous if placed side by side to my past entries on how I dreamed to be in the place I am now. I know this is just a feeling that I have and again this blog is my witness.
I love my life, I love it because I am able to do something that I never thought I could do. I am here in a strange place making a difference to people that I do not know. But deep inside is a grieving young man wanting to just be the person that I am. I am praying harder and harder each day and just like everything else, this too will come to pass and I know everything is here for a reason. May God help me
It has been three months since I boarded a C-130 plane bound to Davao. The excitement was just so much as I was very eager to finally do the things that I have prepared for in the four years that I was at the Academy. It was initially difficult as I try to establish myself to my new environment. I know had more responsibilities, more freedom and was in a new place. It was a good place to start a long career in the military.
Davao in some way is very much similar to Dumaguete City, I place that I love so much. Aside from it bigger in terms of land area, the people and the atmosphere reminds me of the beautiful place that I discovered myself back when I was young. Although it was my first time to come to the Land of bountiful Durians, the adjustment to the place seemed natural as I was already used to a laid back lifestyle in a growing yet very friendly city. As the days turned into weeks, then into months, I slowly learned to enjoy the new life I had away from the pine trees of Baguio and more especially, to the people that I love.
The days that came was a blur as I was again bombarded with new concepts that would make me better prepared to my responsibility as a new lieutenant. My eagerness to go out in the field grew by the day as I begin to become bored with classroom instructions and endless practical exams similar to that in the Academy.
Meeting family also made my experience more interesting. Imagining coming to a new place with no resemblance of family and having no place to go and then learning that you had relatives in the area. To my relief, Panabo City became a "pseudo-home" as I had an uncle (my father's cousin) who welcomed me into his humble home. I just love being able to talk to them about things knowing that we have the same family name although it was the first time that I met them. I enjoyed the thought that I had family in this place and looked forward to wonderful memories that I will be spending with them in the many years that I will be assigned here.
When I was finally assigned to do what I am supposed to do, it was still good. Meeting new people and somehow, the respect that they give me because of my rank was overwhelming although I love it. But then again, the training that I got reminded me that these treatment should always be compensated by the service that I should be giving them. The experience paved way to many interesting discoveries about the people that I serve, my country and more especially discoveries about myself. When one actually immerses himself in a community and try to really connect with them, something inside just comes into play and your person just consumes them. From thinking that the assignment was merely a job, I found myself personally convicted to give justice to the plight of this people and be true their soldier.
Yes, so many things have happened and now I go back to my first sentence. I could say that the life that I have created is something that some people my age will envy. I have a steady job, a good pay for a bachelor and the whole world to conquer. But I realized, how responsibilities can just consume a person later realizing that you have lost the kind of person that you truly are. I remember telling people that I meet now how simple their life is. I look at myself now as someone who, at a very young age, is trying to make a difference out of the lives of many of my countrymen. Here I am trying to carry a tremendous responsibility and I should say being good at it but in the process losing the person that I am. My responsibilities have somewhat overshadowed the person inside me which has eaten up the fun and joy that I should be experiencing. As I said, the things that I write now about what I do may seem ridiculous if placed side by side to my past entries on how I dreamed to be in the place I am now. I know this is just a feeling that I have and again this blog is my witness.
I love my life, I love it because I am able to do something that I never thought I could do. I am here in a strange place making a difference to people that I do not know. But deep inside is a grieving young man wanting to just be the person that I am. I am praying harder and harder each day and just like everything else, this too will come to pass and I know everything is here for a reason. May God help me
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
That lonely feeling
I spent most of the day talking to young kids whose teacher was not able to come to school. It was initially fun until i realized that i really was getting bored. Later i went to the nearby store for some snack just to go back empty handed. I was not able to find something i want. Snacks like chippy, v-cut or mr chips is unheard of here, the most that they could offer me is cheese-it. It dawned on me how different my life is now. Loneliness is already settling in, i want to cry.
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