Tuesday, November 04, 2008

To celebrate a life beyond death and continue fighting

This is a long delayed blog. I promised myself that I will only write about my classmate's death once I have processed everything and that I have made perfect sense on why things had to happen the way it did. I want that when I finally write about my classmate, those who will read will give my classmate the true honor and respect he deserved paying the ultimate sacrifice dying for this country. I also hope that those of us who are still fighting will have reinvigorated spirits believing that our cause is more than our own personal fear and discomfort. This is a tribute to the life of the late 2LT Jeffrey Domingo, who died fighting for this country.

I was already in the bus heading back to Sarangani where I am posted when I received a text message from one of the many soldiers that I have handled. He was expressing his condolences to us. I felt that I had to somehow give him good words and so I did. I told him that we should do our jobs well, apply our training because it will make our lives longer. As the text messages continued to exchange between the two of us, I realized that I was trying to be strong. I was trying my best to believe in the words that I was saying to my soldier. I was afraid.

In most cases when we learn about people dying, we always say that it was unexpected. In my case, I realize now that my classmate's death was not actually unexpected. No matter how I try to convince myself otherwise, the truth remains that the moment we became soldiers we have become aware that death may occur anytime. More than that, I realized that the life that we live each day is already a blessing in itself while I try my best to do my job.

My classmate, in his happy demeanor was in most cases someone who wanted the best for the people that he cared for. Soldiery has somehow made an image of us being uncaring and insensitive but in his case, his actions speak of the kind of man he is which has added to the sorrow and grief of his death. And I think that has become true to everyone in soldiery. I think that in most cases that people see us, they forget that deep inside we are no different from anyone only that we have embraced a profession that entailed more than what other professions ask. He was a man who wanted a good life just like the rest of the world.

In so doing, we have found ourselves in places that we have never dreamed we can go to. We have done things that we thought before we will never be able to do. Met a variety of people and in the process discovered ourselves. Adventure never seems to cease as each day is filled with surprises. Each surprise leave a lasting impression in our lives. These stories become part of the larger reason why we stay in our profession.

I guess, I will never really be able to explain why things had to happen. Why death has to come this early. But in the few moments that I was in that bus going back to where the action is, it was the moment when I was just so certain that I was where I was supposed to be. I remembered texting my father saying: "Daddy, ganito pala pag namamatayan ka na ng classmate, naiisip mo na yung pagsusundalo pala hindi lang basta naglalakad sa bundok at naghahanap ng kalaban." In those brief instances, I was reassured that the life that I chose was the one that defined the kind of person that I am.

Yes, we celebrate life each day even beyond death because it is the only way to honor those who have died fighting for our cause. We continue fighting because we will never accept defeat more so when much has already been given up. We go on because just like the rest of the world we want a good life.

I do not know if I have made sense but I write anyway. I am not even sure if I have been true to the original goal of this write-up. But just the same, I want to put out the contents of my heart. I pray that when we have our few moments, we take time to pray for the soldiers that fight for this country.

I love you people

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Going back on track

This post is written from my ever reliable sony ericsson phone (support asian products) and i hate it when i can not do much tweaking on sentence structures.
Anyway, i just want to pour my heart out over the latest bomb in my life that i have to deal with. I was fine, i even have forgotten those unsaid emotions simply because i was trying to be respectful. I did not heed my urge to say my thoughts for comfort for the reason that it wasn't my role. I cherished the whole experience of loving unconditionally, looked forward to the next best thing, ignored the lingering thought that you might just be that best thing and lived life. I got used to ignoring these beasts inside my head and allowed my heart to heal naturally. But why drop the bomb now?
These are truths that i discovered, i can not stand the thought of you being unhappy, i can not ignore you and what was true then remains true now. I'm a broken piece of a man for not following my heart and its haunting me now.
Wala ng space sa phone... Leche

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Be the best that you can be... Be a PMA Cadet

The Exam is on August 31 at major cities nationwide. For walk-in applicants bring your birth certificate and transcript of records. for more information visit the PMA Website

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Poem


Everyday I see this beauty staring at me
And everyday I wish I can share it with somebody
Because everytime I see this, instead I feel lonely
As this beauty stares at me, I always realize I have nobody

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Of wanting to go back

A few month ago, this entry would have been ridiculous but I write it now.

It has been three months since I boarded a C-130 plane bound to Davao. The excitement was just so much as I was very eager to finally do the things that I have prepared for in the four years that I was at the Academy. It was initially difficult as I try to establish myself to my new environment. I know had more responsibilities, more freedom and was in a new place. It was a good place to start a long career in the military.

Davao in some way is very much similar to Dumaguete City, I place that I love so much. Aside from it bigger in terms of land area, the people and the atmosphere reminds me of the beautiful place that I discovered myself back when I was young. Although it was my first time to come to the Land of bountiful Durians, the adjustment to the place seemed natural as I was already used to a laid back lifestyle in a growing yet very friendly city. As the days turned into weeks, then into months, I slowly learned to enjoy the new life I had away from the pine trees of Baguio and more especially, to the people that I love.

The days that came was a blur as I was again bombarded with new concepts that would make me better prepared to my responsibility as a new lieutenant. My eagerness to go out in the field grew by the day as I begin to become bored with classroom instructions and endless practical exams similar to that in the Academy.

Meeting family also made my experience more interesting. Imagining coming to a new place with no resemblance of family and having no place to go and then learning that you had relatives in the area. To my relief, Panabo City became a "pseudo-home" as I had an uncle (my father's cousin) who welcomed me into his humble home. I just love being able to talk to them about things knowing that we have the same family name although it was the first time that I met them. I enjoyed the thought that I had family in this place and looked forward to wonderful memories that I will be spending with them in the many years that I will be assigned here.

When I was finally assigned to do what I am supposed to do, it was still good. Meeting new people and somehow, the respect that they give me because of my rank was overwhelming although I love it. But then again, the training that I got reminded me that these treatment should always be compensated by the service that I should be giving them. The experience paved way to many interesting discoveries about the people that I serve, my country and more especially discoveries about myself. When one actually immerses himself in a community and try to really connect with them, something inside just comes into play and your person just consumes them. From thinking that the assignment was merely a job, I found myself personally convicted to give justice to the plight of this people and be true their soldier.

Yes, so many things have happened and now I go back to my first sentence. I could say that the life that I have created is something that some people my age will envy. I have a steady job, a good pay for a bachelor and the whole world to conquer. But I realized, how responsibilities can just consume a person later realizing that you have lost the kind of person that you truly are. I remember telling people that I meet now how simple their life is. I look at myself now as someone who, at a very young age, is trying to make a difference out of the lives of many of my countrymen. Here I am trying to carry a tremendous responsibility and I should say being good at it but in the process losing the person that I am. My responsibilities have somewhat overshadowed the person inside me which has eaten up the fun and joy that I should be experiencing. As I said, the things that I write now about what I do may seem ridiculous if placed side by side to my past entries on how I dreamed to be in the place I am now. I know this is just a feeling that I have and again this blog is my witness.

I love my life, I love it because I am able to do something that I never thought I could do. I am here in a strange place making a difference to people that I do not know. But deep inside is a grieving young man wanting to just be the person that I am. I am praying harder and harder each day and just like everything else, this too will come to pass and I know everything is here for a reason. May God help me