It was worth the wait...

I just arrived from having a very long chat with Nyke and her brother and it gave me the chance to release some of the emotions I have on so many things about my life these past days. Last December 28, I went to Lipa City to see my friends from the Rizal Conference I attended last November in Laguna. I stayed with my classmate who was there and had this some kind of a crash tour on Batangas and Lipa City. It was some kind of an expedition to just go around places and learn new things. I had the wonderful experience with a prostitute (ano kaya!!!) which I will be writing something about for the Alumni Issue of the Corps Magazine and maybe once its done I will also publish it here for those who are not privileged enough to get the copy of our magazine. And then had a very nice time with a very beautiful lady who played at Timezone with me and bared my seemingly unending sonata on anything about life over a huge serving of Cripsy Pata which by the way was proudly from Lipa. I am discovering new things about this girl and at the same time learning so many things about life just by being with her and somehow I am beginning to realize how special she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. Well the truth is at this time all my restlessness over so many issues has instantly vanished and I haven't felt this sense of peace for quite a long time now. I am happy to announce that I am presently experiencing some of the most significant events of my life and I am trying my best to savor every bit of it. I am understanding the wisdom of the adage Patience is a virtue and it was indeed worth the wait and I'm still waiting. As I type this blog entry I am being mesmerized by an intense feeling of completion, of satisfaction over the choices I made and the risks I took.

A wise young woman once told me that there will just come a time that everything in your life will just go into its proper place and you will be able to appreciate every bit of it. At this time I know that it is in its proper place and everything is looking very bright forward. I am in awe of the series of events that are slowly unfolding right in front of my own eyes and that anticipation of the wonderful things that are still to come. When I see a person of beauty I usually pause contemplate on things and wait for the feeling to sink in. What happens after is that I develop this interest in digging deeper into this person's personality and then hope to discover something more than just the beauty. In the so many times that this happened it has always been a failure. I always ended up finding more rubble as I dig deeper into this people. Very often I find myself frustrated over these events and just ask God how long am I still to wait. I realized that sometimes it is not only the end that is important but the journey one takes to be able to achieve the end is just as significant. The end is a promise from God and the journey is becoming more and more exciting by the day. All I can say is and bait talaga ni Lord... He always comes through at the right moment. Now I am being treated to a showcase of God's power as he does a miracle right in my own midst... It was indeed worth the wait...

An Attempt in Tagalog

I attempted to write something in Tagalog... so here it is

Sabi ng isang text sa akin listening daw is more than just not talking, it is emptying one’s mind to make room for someone else’s point of view. Sa kagaya kong tanggap na ang pagiging maingay, hindi na ito bago. Bata pa lang ako ang lagi ng sinasabi sa akin ng mga tao ay maingay ako. Naalala ko nun kada na lang may conference ang mag teacher ko tungkol sa aming mga estudyante, hindi makakalimutang pag-usapan ang aking pagiging maingay. Lagi lagi din ay pinapatawag ako ng mga teacher ko para sabihan na limitahan ang aking pagsasalita. Madalas naman pag sinabihan ako pilit kong tinitikom ang aking bibig, sa maniwala kayo sa hindi talagang pinag sisikapan ko kaya lang talagang lumalabas ang totoo, talagang maingay ako at sabi ko nga sa maraming tao… walang pakialamanan. Marahil natanggap na rin ng mga tao a talagang maingay ako kasi madalas nun pag may mga dapat gawin na kailangang may magsalita, ako kaagad yan. Sa mga pagkakataong iyon ay talagang feeling bida naman ako. Talagang pinag hahandaan ko ito at pinagsisikapang gawin ng maayos. Hindi nakapagtataka na halos lahat ng nagging activities ko nun ay may koneksyon sa pagsasalita sa harap ng maraming tao. Siguro nga ganun talaga, kung sa ibang tao eh maingay ako, minsan naman may pakinabang din ang pagiging maingay ko. Sa aking pakiramdam ang pakinabang na napala ko sa pagiging maingay ang naging dahilan kung bakit di naglaon ay natanggap ko na talagang ganun na ako. Ngayon ako pa mismo ang magsasabi sa mga taong hindi pa nakakakilala sa akin na talagang maingay ako.. sabi ko nga walang pakialamanan.
Marami ang nagtaka nung ako ay naging kadete. Sa isang lugar na animo’y mga robot at tila hindi nagsasalita ang mga tao parang talagang maling mali na ako ay napunta ng PMA. Sa maniwala kayo o sa hindi, nagawa kong tumahimik kung kailan dapat tumahimik. Ganun siguro talaga pag ang mga pagkakataon ang nagdidikta kung paano umasal ang isang tao. Kahit naman maingay ako alam ko na dapat tumahimik paminsan minsan lalo na kung katahimikan lamang ang paraan upang makuha mo ang isang bagay, sa akin ito lamang ang paraan para manatiling maging kadete. Di naglaon ay lumabas din ang aking tunay na kulay, sa tingin ko naman alam ng mga kapwa ko kadete na talagang maingay ako nasanay lang siguro talaga sila o baka natuto akong mag-adapt. Ewan ko ba basta sa puntong ito tanggap ko na na talagang ganito ako at para sa akin hindi kabawasan sa pagkatao ko ang maging maingay.

To be continued....

To be honest...

I spent the last two days wondering what to do. In Christmas day, I went to church, heard a superb messsage from a Pastor that I truly admire that was in fact very timely for me and went to my usual route in Powerbooks. I was awed with the new changes in that bookstore, the General Fiction book was arranged by authors which was good for me since I generally look for authors first before titles. I had a very good time reading and almost wanted to buy if not for the fact that I just decided not to bring money with me at the time. The good thing is that I get to explore the whole bookstore taking note of possibly good books and eventually controlling my book buying addiction (I really wanted to buy the cheaper version of the New Nicholas Sparks Book At First Sight). But what made that trip to the bookstore different from all other days when I go there without money to spare was that I simply had other thoughts in my mind other thant just the books I wanted to read. As look at the books in so many sections, I somehow relate it to things that have happened to me in the past days and wonder about the connection. In short, I was just being sentimental. I really did not care very much about the books, the books just made me contemplate on things, it made me unearth my emotions from the deepest chambers of my heart. Finally feeling hungry, I went to KFC ordered lots and lots of food and ate by myself overlooking EDSA again thinking about the so many things that have happened. I have somehow become used to this kind of me since I had been generally nostalgic about the whole Christmas season as I have already stated in this blog but really when you feel something and you can not do anything about it, you just hope it will go away or maybe you just wanted to be numb even for just a little time.

I have to admit that my days of waiting is over, now is the time to act, but how? Yesterday, I was texting Hiyas who was to go "mamanhikan" in Davao. Although she generally wouldn't agree with the term I use the fact that she was meeting her boyfriend's parents from another part of the country was indeed something, somehow I could hear wedding bells already, gosh my best friend in the world is getting married perhaps she loves him more than me now... hehehe. But really, that event was somehow one of the reasons that I kind of look back and wonder about how things have been. Not so long ago, we do not have a clue. She was a mess with her relationship and I was a mess with my life as a whole. Although she was well accomplished career-wise, being a chemist and all that, it has to take a while for her to realize how GAGA she has been and although I do not know the whole details of her relationship now being in PMA, I could see that she's happy (imagine dati napupuntahan nya pa ako sa Baguio ngayon kahit reply sa text wala na). Of course I'm not jealous for I know tha she never forgets me, it just can't be; there is simply no reason that she can't, although we argue a lot I know that she loves me dearly. And for my part that was also the time that I just wanted to go back to PMA. And that was how we became close, we both had problems that seemed impossible to solve at the time and we just made it... together. I think that the reason why I am being this way this past days is because I know I am in love and there is nobody to share this with. Nobody to talk to. I really just wish that I am back in PMA when everything is just so fast that I do not realize these things anymore. But now here I am pouring everything in this blog hoping and hoping.

Yes, the events have made me realize that I need to put a stop to all this philosophical approach I have on things. I now have to start listening to my heart.. or should I? To be really honest the confusion is not with the feeling but with the approach, with the way in handling it. Well, its a process of waiting and seeing. Just like all the things that have happened to me in the past everything will just fall into it's proper place.

Pictures Galore

Maniwala ba kayong totoong may ginagawa yang mga yan sa computer??

Kunyari hindi ka kadete, at hindi mo pa nakikita ang AVIARY sa buong buhay mo... so dapat magpapicture, although yung aviary talaga ay nasa tapat namin....

Tama ba namang mag agawan sa harap ng camera after setting the timer???

Is this really it?

I haven't been blogging for a while and so many things have happened. For one, I am now on Christmas Break and I am typing right now at home with my brother and his infant daughter at the back. It's really amazing how much joy a small child can bring to a house. Anyway, I'm somewhat confused over something and that is why I am writing in my blog, maybe as it usually happens I eventually make sense when I start pouring out my feelings in this blog.

Several years back, I had the opportunity to form my concept on things about romance and falling in love. I realized then that this is a major part of our life and that this should not be something that should be taken lightly. I gain inspiration from the experiences of other people and learning from them at the same time integrating the values that I learned from my faith. Upon the advice of a pastor that I truly admire, I started writing qualifications that I had set for the girl I am looking for. The first on the list was prayerful and then she must love her family. That list started to become longer until I have somehow forgotten about it, then I made the biggest mistake of my life by being overtaken by my feelings and finally hurting people. It had to take sometime before I was able to gain my composure and be crystal clear of how I really wanted it to be according to my convictions in life. And then suddenly I find myself mesmerize by this person. The first time, I wanted to be sure that she really was worth the look. I realized that she had this focus on doing what she wants to do and that is impressive. She know what she wants in life and has the discipline to do it. Of course, she was pretty and yes she carries a tune. To put it simply, I was impressed and I just felt that this is it. I started to contemplate on things eventually telling myself that she was indeed the ONE. Upon further contemplation I realized that it was time to let God do His miracle. Realizing that my feelings are in its proper place and that I know what my heart says it was then up to God to clear the way and do His magic. I am not comfortable with it. Really, I have this thought that maybe she'll meet another guy or maybe she'll just completely forget about me but then I realized that if I think that she is so perfect and for God she's still not then only two things could happen it's either God will make her perfect or someone a lot better is in store for me. As for now, I'm learning surrender. I'm learning that the most important things in our life has to be entrusted to the person who knows what is best for all of us. What happens next is something I truly do not know, but then the universe will conspire to make it happen... and I really believe that a miracle will happen. I'll keep on praying...