Thoughts on my 4th Wedding Anniversary

Today is my 4^th Wedding Anniversary. Nothing much really since for the 4^th time also, I am so much distant from my lovely wife whom I should be celebrating this glorious day. But not to be dismayed, and after reading a couple of Nicholas Sparks novels, I am inclined to make my effort to remember this day even if just through this blog, hoping that in one way or another I will be able to communicate my love for my dear wife through the words that I write and through the people that will read this.

I believe we are like most couple who have the usual episode of disagreement even with our frequently distant set-up. The Army has not afforded us with the normal marriage such that my wife will say that in the years that we are married, we have actually been together only for at most a year. In reality though, I do not like to hear those words. Although I pretend to be unaffected by those words I also wish that days with her and my little girl would be more frequent. If truth be told, if not for practicality reasons I would have no qualms leaving the ‘glitz and glamour’ of a Philippine Army Officer in favor of a more normal family life. But by some divine providence, the cards drawn out for me would have to be this and I am determined to make this work.

My wife, unlike me, did not have the luxury that we had growing up. Although mine is not well-off either, hers is more of a survival thing having a mother who moved heaven and hell to provide for them and a sister who placed it upon herself to sacrifice some luxuries in favor of her siblings getting an education. That was primarily the reason why, I would like to think, it became easy for me to woo her. Here comes a young and dashing lieutenant coming to her hometown at a time when the peace and order was very volatile. I would like to believe that it seemed to her that I was some knight in shining armor that can protect her. In the early part of our marriage, it was evident that her feeling was that of difficulty of accepting the life that I introduce her to. Specifically, the family that she suddenly found herself a part of.

As newlyweds, her self-esteem, especially when around my family, was very low and even with me, I often recognize her insecurity as not being good enough to be part of our bunch. For my part, I felt that it was my foremost responsibility to usher her into the “weirdness” of my family. It was a task that involved me having to say hurtful but honest things to other people that I love. In several occasions, it entailed me feeling hurt as it felt that I have to choose between her and my family when all I wanted was a relationship where all of them becomes one big happy family. The drama unfolded with me writing letters to my father, sending long text messages to my wife and praying hard that all will be well.

Unknown to my family, although they were part of the reason that made it difficult for me, they were also the inspiration that helped me choose what to do in every situation. While they criticize my wife, I understood that it was just their way of showing that they wanted the best for me. In the same way, while I feel the hurt that my wife felt in those occasions, I also understood it was part of the painful way of accepting the out-of-this-world way my relatives show their love for each other. It was my love for all of them, my wife especially, that cultivated in me the patience to endure the sometimes disconcerting situation I was caught into. It was a love that I learned from a family that had difficulty of showing it but is able to express great amounts of it in ways unimaginable.

I write all of this now as a tribute to the marriage that has been nurtured for the past four years. Last week, as I saw my wife being part of a family that I loved so much, I felt greater joy and admiration for her as somehow I knew she has found her place. The greatest gift that I have received would have to be the words of my aunts, uncles and most especially my father validating that I married well. I also write this for my wife, who had to make drastic adjustments on the kind of person she is especially on her perception of family. More importantly, I write this as a reminder to myself to constantly work to make my marriage work. Four years has been a difficult but fulfilling adventure but in those times, above all, I learned that my choice should always be borne out of love, and nothing else.

Soldiering outside the convention

Today is one of those few days where my schedule is empty. Aside from few routine activities, I spent most of the day beating Russia in Red Alert 3. Tomorrow, I will be meeting with a group of skilled Bamboo craftsmen in Purok Lower Waywayan. We will plan out their participation to the Inalima 2012. It’s an annual trade fair in time for the Araw ng Davao Oriental celebration. Together with the President of the Don Mariano Marcos – Federated BDS (BDS for Barangay Development System) Association or DMM-FBA, we will develop a working plan that will sell not just the bamboo furniture set made by the group but also the skill that will propel them to development.

In Barangay Don Mariano Marcos, Lupon, Davao Oriental, I am tasked to conduct the Peace and Development Outreach Program (PDOP). In the PDOP concept, the soldiers perform non-traditional roles such as community assistance and people empowerment. Beginning in February 2012, I went from one Purok to another discussing about how ordinary people in the community can become partners to development. After sometime, we began organizing them into groups we called as Barangay Development System Association or simply BDS. From the initial discussion of how they can become partners to development, we also conducted intensive planning workshop and further discussion with them to reinforce the message that we wish to deliver. Slowly, we saw how the way the people changed. From originally coming to meetings that we called out of fear of the soldiers, we were invited to meetings to assist them in the plans that they wanted to implement in their locality. The officers of their group initiated their own programs that will support their community. For my part, I tried my best to bring in inputs in their plans and programs. By end of April, we have already come up with the Federated BDS Association with 17 Local BDS Associations as members covering the whole of Barangay Don Mariano Marcos of about 400 members. In May 7, 2012, the Governor of Davao Oriental inducted the officers of DMM-FBA. We were also provide with 30 bags of corn seeds, 60 sacks of organic fertilizer and assorted vegetable seeds.

In a seemingly unconventional way of soldiering, I have found a sense of fulfilment beyond the guns and combat operation that soldiery is traditionally known for. Today, we have an ongoing Organic Vegetable Farming Training conducted together with the Provincial Agriculture Office. We will also be conducting a training for Bamboo Craft making for the BDS of Lower Waywayan, an Ornamental Flower Growing training for the BDS of Purok Linao and many other trainings intended to improve the methods of the people in their income generating activities. The Federated BDS Association is also organized in such a way that they are able to plan out their development. They have the marketing committee that will look for market of the different products and services of the group, an education committee which plans out all the trainings that will improve their membership, a membership committee, a monitoring committee and another for finance and audit. In this system, the ordinary citizen becomes the primary proponent of their development while the soldiers conducting PDOP together with another partner from the Provincial Agriculture Office provide guidance in their undertakings. We hope to formalize a group among government agencies and other concerned institutions as a form of convergence of support systems to communities like Don Mariano. When this happens, the community is in charge of their development backed up by a support system where they can receive guidance in how to go about with their plans as a community.

People ask me how are these methods relevant to fighting insurgency and winning the peace. I tell them that we cannot be fighting all the time. Bottom line of the conflict in our country is that we want to live good lives. Whether one is on the side of the government or that of the insurgency, the normal person just want to be able to live a full life.. The present method tries to achieve that and more. While people have so long been afraid of conflict erupting when soldiers come to their communities, they have now called for more soldiers to come into their community and bring in the services that they badly need. The propaganda that soldiers commit abuses to civilians in communities are overused lies intended to perpetuate the exploitation of the insurgents. These methods also paved way to secured atmosphere that enabled other groups to come in and make their own contribution.

Very recently, one group decried militarization in the communities because of the presence of the soldiers. However strong they try to gather some attention to their allegations none bothered to support them as the soldiers brought with them the many benefits that they have been longing to receive. Also, while they try to manipulate popular opinion with their twisted rationale, no formal complaints have been filed against the soldiers in proper venues. This is an obvious acceptance that their claims are mere efforts to discredit the gains in peace and development that is now rampant in these communities. In due time, we feel that they themselves will surrender their efforts to the collective agenda being fostered by this new partnership between the government and the populace which will ultimately defeat insurgency and elevate the state of our beloved country.

Tomorrow, I will present to the members of BDS in Purok Lower Waywayan a comprehensive business plan that will begin with the launching of their product up to working system for them to collectively maximize productivity of their skill. Well that’s part of a day’s work. In a surprising way, soldiers have now become truly servants of the people. A soldier is called to protect. In the Philippine setting, protection is no longer that against gun toting groups; rather it is protection from poverty. Sadly, these gun toting groups also are victims of poverty that need protection. Ironically, soldiers are also victims of poverty as they themselves are members of our poverty stricken society. In the end the key to overcoming these obstacles is not through the barrel of the gun but rather by working together as one big family even outside the convention of traditions.

A Culture of Hatred

About a year ago, I remember arising from cyberspace hiatus after meeting three committed public school teachers in distant Sitio Kamugna during a combat operation somewhere in the hinterland of Davao del Sur. The talk of the town at that time was the scandal that involved a young boy named Janjan and Willie Revillame. I felt that people campaigning against Willie Revillame and his show was missing the point of why the incident happened. Today, I write this blog amidst various controversies, the Panatag Shoal Stand-off, the Lady Gaga controversy, the impeachment trial and Jessica Sanchez's runner up finish to season 11 of American Idol. In these controversies, I realized that similar to what happened a year ago to Janjan and Willie Revillame, it exposes the very culture of our people. I am calling it now a Culture of Hate.

Then assigned in various Muslim Communities in South Central Mindanao, my favorite task was to lecture the History of Mindanao Conflict to the people. This lecture traces the history of the development of Mindanao to be able to see how the conflict has come to its present level. At the end of the lecture, I would encourage people not to be victim of the biases that has been handed down to us by previous generation and instead cultivate a culture of peace; a culture that tolerates diversity amongst our people and acceptance of what we have become; and more importantly work to succeed celebrating this diversity. Thinking about that experience, I have come to understand my own biases and have learned to change it. Today, I see the opposite of that culture embedded within the controversies that I have enumerated above: the Culture of Hate.

In previous years, I have observed how our people have somewhat improved. Today, it has become very noticeable how many of our countrymen has realized their role in their democracy. Today we see, business people, ordinary students, social activists and many others from all walks of life care for a certain advocacy. I personally feel that these are indications of a maturing democracy as illustrated by the increase of public participation to the affairs of the state. However, recent controversies has exposed something that could lead again to our downfall.

Psychologists would tell us that there are two ways of looking at a glass half filled with water. It could be half full or half empty. While one would appreciate the water that is in the glass, another would see that there isn't enough water to fill the glass. In recent controversies, it has been obvious that there is so much attention on that what have not than that what we have. Sadder is that while many claim of their "concern" they totally miss the point of why they should be concerned in the first place. Many instead of trying to help out, they stop at just their advocacy. It starts and ends with being concerned JUST THAT.

Instead of us campaigning to uphold our national sovereignty against Chinese bullying, we launch hate campaigns against anything that is Chinese as if the Chinese people really care if we do not like them. We campaign against a multi awarded recording artist for her alleged indecency when no one forces us to watch her concert or even listen to her songs. What is more troubling is that we blame Lady Gaga for the inability of parents to nurture their children so that they will grow up to be decent individuals. Lady Gaga did not bring indecency to this country, irresponsible parenting brought indecency upon us. To single out Lady Gaga is hypocrisy since lewdness and indecency is an everyday treat around us. Do we actually think that dancers in variety shows wear those skimpy outfits for art's sake?

Then there is also the impeachment trial. Are those throwing remarks against major players from both sides actually understand the whole point of the Impeachment process? As far as I am concerned, our role as people is to protect the Impeachment court for it to be able to decide well. More than anything, we should safeguard our democratic institution not crucify those who we believe is guilty to the point of destroying their reputation and dignity. The sad thing is that there is no decision yet. With the way our people are going about their "advocacy" everybody loses for in the end every body's dirt is exposed, everybody is labeled a thief, liar, corrupt and so forth and nothing is done to advance the democratic maturity of our people. (I particularly take offense on @vicegandako 's twitter message saying to the tune of "lahat ng taga gobyerno corrupt iba't ibang level lang)

Then of course, there is also the success (or not-so) of Jessica Sanchez. The support that she has received from our countrymen is both admirable and amazing, but hating Philip Philips is just uncalled for. Both contestants are there for the win and everybody knows that American Idol chooses their winner through votation, had it been not for the judges who saw Jessica Sanchez's talent as remarkable, she would not have even be in the Finale. I feel bad that she was not declared the winner but it is also unfair to hate the winner.

The thing is, our culture seem to dwell on a culture of hatred. With the advent of social media, it becomes a royal rumble of some sort of throwing hatred at almost anything without really thinking of the implications of our actions. Our advocacy has become counterproductive for we, in fact, do not achieve anything other than accumulate more date into cyberspace. I wonder, how many of those who are so active in these advocacies bothered to really sit down and figure out how they can be part of solutions to the problems they so strongly feel about? When Japan was hit by a tsunami, there was no hatred of this kind, no fingers pointing to whose fault it is, it united a whole country to rebuild not just their destroyed properties but become a stronger nation When the country was devastated by typhoons and the recent earthquake, although any people helped those who were affected, many still posted hate comments regarding the faults of government, the corruption and even take advantage of the situation to forward their political ambitions. Such is another irony in saying "it's more fun in the Philippines". And even that tourism slogan wasn't spared. Instead of helping make that slogan successful, there are those who posted hate comments saying that it was copied from an old Swiss slogan (so what?). Bottom line, although our people started to notice that there is actually a glass with water, many see it as half empty rather than half full. I say that if we are not ready to take part of the solution to our country's problems we might as well SHUT UP.

We are living in a generation where it is so easy to do things. Problem is, it becomes so easy also to shed the responsibility associated with our actions. Voluntarily or otherwise we have used our new found freedom to cultivate a culture of hatred that although has somewhat awakened our collective spirit; is bringing us to doom. Can there be more positivity rather than just negativism. I am praying that there will be... in the coming days.... I hope.

Library UPDATE and another appeal

Books collected by Balik Bayan Books from their
 Facebook account(click to view)

About a month ago, I posted an appeal for help about a library that I wish to put up in Don Mariano Marcos. Since that day, the reaction has been overwhelming and God has been great leading people to support this cause. As of today, the project has collected three sets of books: one from a mother who heard of the project from this website, another from a friend who volunteered to collect books from my alma mater, Silliman University and from a US-based NGO Balik Bayan Books. In my initial estimate, the books we have collected is already enough to occupy the room in the Barangay Hall that was intended for the library. But then again, the journey does not end there, though books will now be available, there is a greater need for other efforts for the library to really assist the community towards development. In this regard I wish to outline other forms of help that can be extended to really support the improvement of this community.

Barangay Don Mariano Marcos has a problem of appreciation for education. Although the government was able to establish schools that can cater to the needs of the youth in the community, there is not just enough motivation for the young ones to view education as a means to a better life. The adults in the community has not really been made aware of the value of education and this attitude has been passed on to the children that they reared. Aside from a few minority who labored to send their children to college, many lack the motivation to assist their children in their schooling. The greater majority send their children to  school  just so they can receive the government's conditional cash transfer program that allocates a certain amount for every child (up to three children only) who is able to satisfy at least 85% attendance in the schools. It doesn't matter to them if their children actually do some "schooling" all they worry about are the certifications signed by the school that will be the basis for their cash transfer every quarter. Also, parents lack the knowledge and skills to be effective mentors to their children such that if they gain the interest to take an active role on the part of their children's education, I feel that they will also have a hard time becoming effective at doing such. It is because of this reality in this community that I realized how the library, although already a big help, lack the follow through needed to equip the community and improve their state of education. It is like a computer that has no operating system. For this reason, I would like to appeal for another form of help that will address this concern.

I am toying with the idea of a program for the parents and adults in the community that will make them aware of the value of education and also equip them to mentor their children. My problem now is a module that will do just that. I have been looking for someone who has a background on Child psychology and development (or some related field) that could develop a program that can be adopted by the community to change that attitude and pave the way for other members of the community to be players in the changing of way education is perceived in the community. Can anyone kindly link me to a person or group who can do just that? I would be very much willing to provide them all the information they can possibly need for this endeavor. Also, I am soliciting activities and or program of instructions that will help the teachers incorporate the library into their teaching methods once school begins by June.

The eventual goal in all this is to have a system in place that will really improve the community of Barangay Don Mariano Marcos. I am believing that this appeal will be passed on from computer to computer, people to people, until it reaches the correct person that can help. My e-mail is acabales@hotmail.com and I can be reached through 09177192179.

God Bless you everyone. Happy sunday

Meet APATHY

I just spent the whole day facilitating a Planning Workshop for the people's organization of Don Mariano Marcos. In the past almost two months, I have been busy going from one purok to another, talking to the people and teaching them how they can control their economy and be productive citizens for the community. The activity is part of the Peace and Development Outreach Program (PDOP), a program that aims to stimulate development in the community through community participation and citizenry skill enhancement. During the activity, I was again able to encounter pessimism, distrust, selfishness and just plain apathy. More importantly also, I came face to face with hope, perseverance, commitment and nationalism. I am proud to report that there is more of the latter in Barangay Don Mariano Marcos than the former.

But then again, this is not to say that the negativism of the people does not affect me. The truth is, although there is a good chance of success in our undertaking in this community, one person's apathy can just dissolve whatever good vibe that has been built up by the many others. It brings a frustration that just overwhelms whatever commitment and perseverance I have mustered to come to this day. Looking at the blank screen of my laptop after draining my phone's battery talking to my beautiful wife (whom I miss so much) I contemplate on finding inspiration for the coming days that I will continue my service as a soldier.

I look back at the time when I first developed this feeling about four years ago. It was in another barangay in Toril District, Davao City. The young and dashing, bold and daring ruggedly handsome newly graduated lieutenant Cabales was first deployed in a community called Atan-owe. The place was apparently named after two pioneering families that first settled there: the Atan's and the Owe's. The Barangay Captain at that time was a descendant of the Atan's and carried the last name. Although the Barangay was founded on the obvious understanding of the two pioneering families, times have changed. I was there at the time when this understanding was just part of ancient history that was changed by the power struggle that occured between the two. The struggle for power in the community led to a bitter rivalry that caught the community in the crossfire. The rivalry was so great that one party can not fathom any good to say about the other. Out of that desperation to cling to power, they have resorted to sell their souls to the insurgency. This was what destroyed the community, my first assignment.

The next community was a drastic change together with the change of the whole Mindanao situation. August 2008 was the time when the peace talks with the MILF bogged down. It was also the time when Ameril Umbra Kato attacked Maasim Municipal Hall in Sarangani Province. I arrived in October after a large MILF camp has been captured by the government forces and our immediate task was to expedite the return to normalcy of the community. After my company conducted a retraining, I was sent to my first combat operation in this unit. It was November 14, and shortly after we were dropped by our vehicles, the same vehicles was bombed as they returned to our Battalion Headquarters. Two died and I spent the next day chasing after leads on the whereabouts of the perpetrator of that atrocity. It was my first brush with death. The vehicle that exploded was the same vehicle that I boarded on the way to our drop off point. In the months that followed that incident, my major accomplishment was cultivating the Culture of Peace to the communities affected by the Muslim-Christian conflict. Teaching the people about religious tolerance and sensitivity, I was again met by apathy.

After more or less 15 communities taught, I was then assigned in a place called Barangay Kinam in Malapatan, Sarangani Province. The communist insurgency has destroyed the little hope that was left in the people there that apathy was more prevalent than the virtues that improve our existence. Ironically, it was there that I gained so much insight in the importance of my job as a soldier. From there, I was sent to even poorer communities in Don Marcelino, Davao Del Sur and some other communities in South Cotabato, still apathy prevailed.

I am now here in Davao Oriental, although apathy still meets me, I could say that hope greets me more often these days. By some twist of fate, the odds are turning towards me and somehow my experience with apathy has led me to muster more perseverance and commitment, enough to stop it from stopping me from doing what I have to do. Earlier, my conversation with another government work that helped facilitated today's activity, expressed to me her own frustration as she met apathy. Surprisingly, I was able to easily tell her that it is not something to be worry about. I told her what I learned in the past four years, we can only do so much and apathy was not something we can change that easily. It was something that had to begin from the hearts of the people we have committed to serve.

Today, I write this as an acceptance of that fact. But also, I write this to remind myself that no amount of apathy can change how I feel towards the work that I do. I write this wishing that apathy will not again frustrate me the way that I did today, I write this as a commitment to serve. So help me God.