As I arrived from class earlier going back to my room, my roommates asked me, "gusto mo pa bang magkadete?"
I was surprised by the question until I found three delinquency reports on my study table, all of which, if awarded, will surely threaten my stay here... and so I blog.
Most people really do not know my reasons why I'm here. Even if they get the notion that I do not like being here because I write my frustrations every now and then and it seems that all I do is to gripe about my very presence in this place, I do like it here. As a young child I dreamed about being here, graduating and becoming a soldier, in fact I can imagine myself being gray and old wearing a soldier's uniform. My frustrations are just like any normal people's frustrations, lawyers who sometimes hate going to court rooms, teachers who wants to murder their "beloved" students and all other frustrations. I guess no matter how much we like any situation there are just times that we feel bad about it and we device our own ways to handle this emotions. Some people do not recover and they become frustrated forever. And so the incident this morning just made me fell bad. I already saw it coming but its just different when its actually there. Suddenly my fifty seven thousand miracle(basta read it, it's there) plays inside my head, my war with calculus becomes a fleeting struggle and my experience with my squadmates all becomes futile. I really do not know what my fate will be, it's now down to the wisdom of my Tactical Officer, as always I am optimistic that I have done my best and that I was never a failure in the privilege that I was given... Lord God... Help me.
The point is life is testing me now and although I am still hopeful for the good things to come I just can not help it but feel sad that I have to be in this situation. To my critiques, now is not the time to harrass me... and to people who adore me (I know there are... thanks a lot) please pray....
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