Getting the grip of the situation

As I arrived from class earlier going back to my room, my roommates asked me, "gusto mo pa bang magkadete?"

I was surprised by the question until I found three delinquency reports on my study table, all of which, if awarded, will surely threaten my stay here... and so I blog.

Most people really do not know my reasons why I'm here. Even if they get the notion that I do not like being here because I write my frustrations every now and then and it seems that all I do is to gripe about my very presence in this place, I do like it here. As a young child I dreamed about being here, graduating and becoming a soldier, in fact I can imagine myself being gray and old wearing a soldier's uniform. My frustrations are just like any normal people's frustrations, lawyers who sometimes hate going to court rooms, teachers who wants to murder their "beloved" students and all other frustrations. I guess no matter how much we like any situation there are just times that we feel bad about it and we device our own ways to handle this emotions. Some people do not recover and they become frustrated forever. And so the incident this morning just made me fell bad. I already saw it coming but its just different when its actually there. Suddenly my fifty seven thousand miracle(basta read it, it's there) plays inside my head, my war with calculus becomes a fleeting struggle and my experience with my squadmates all becomes futile. I really do not know what my fate will be, it's now down to the wisdom of my Tactical Officer, as always I am optimistic that I have done my best and that I was never a failure in the privilege that I was given... Lord God... Help me.

The point is life is testing me now and although I am still hopeful for the good things to come I just can not help it but feel sad that I have to be in this situation. To my critiques, now is not the time to harrass me... and to people who adore me (I know there are... thanks a lot) please pray....

Search and discover

I do not know if many people have the same habit as I have but sometimes there are things that I do that maybe weird to some. But this habit although I find it weird can lead to some discoveries that are quite amazing. This is my habit that I will call search and discover.

When I'm bored surfing the internet, I go to popular search pages and just search random thoughts that I have. Oftentimes, I search names of people discover interesting things about people. Personally, I think friendster was a hit because we get to find people that we have lost touch and it's just fun when we find out the things that happened to them. From this thought, I tried searching people in google or yahoo and these are some discoveries I made.

1. That my mom was actually the first woman to join the Corps of Professor as a Probationary 2nd Lieutenant in the late 70's. She met my father as a teacher in PMA and the rest is History. I got this when I searched my mother's name.
2. That I have a relative who founded a Martial Arts School in the United States. I later learned from my father that these relatives of ours migrated to long time ago from Aklan. Using my last name as a keyword, most of the results are related to this Martial Arts School.
3. That my gay friend from Silliman University is now an executive Assistant to the Mayor of Tacloban City, I do not know if he still is now but according to the newspage I found, he still wears his trademark scarf and still is gay. I haven't seen him since 1999
4. That my father was recently in a news bulletin from Reuters (social!!!), I do not know what is it about but it's there.

There are still a lot actually and I do not remember all of them, the point is the internet has so much content that it saturates even the minutest detail of our existence. Well, you can just try your own search and see what you'll discover. Have fun people...

Sad thigns that happen and the reaction

I am sorry to stir up various opinions in the things that I write, I do not wish to be confrontational so I let it be, let us just respect that we do not believe on the same things. The whole point is if you do not agree with what I write, then don't read it, I do not wish to continously defend myself and betray the REAL reason why this blog exists. This is first and foremost a personal blog not some literary folio that espouses idealism, I am ideal but that is not the whole point.

I wanted to vent out my frustration of a recent thing that happened to me, not about this blog but about what happened to me in real life. As I was walking towards the computer laboratory I was just plain and simple, sad. I was sad because I feel that my life is hanging on to something that is so fragile. I realize now that I can not divulge all the details but the situation is just so frustrating, again it is not because of the reactions on this blog its on my life. I thought that everything was very fine, things are happening the way it should be and life was normal and then it changed like a snap of a finger.

I was tired, after enduring many kilometers of running early in the morning, I just wanted to sleep. When one becomes really tired, the tendency is to become careless and as I doze off, I forgot to fix something and then all hell broke loose. Suddenly I find myself contemplating on what to do to fix the situation, but to no avail, all I can do is to hope for the best. Life can provide some twist that we never really do not expect. Sometimes, when we think that life is happening the way we thought it should, we become stupid and then we fall. That is how it happened, and in the next succeeding days I will wait closely what the effect of my stupidity will make out of me. I will just wait... and hope and hope some more.

Again people, I appeal to those who visit my site, I am not forcing you to believe on what I write, if we happen to have differences on ideas it does not make any of us lesser of a person, we are still who we are. If you read what I write, do not harrass me because I did not force you to read it, the best that you can do is to consider my point, if you think it is some useless crap then forget about what you read, now if you really really feel that you should react, write something after the article we call COMMENTS... that the reason why its there. If you still can not sleep at night then launch a hate campaign against me. The whole point of this is expression, just as I will allow you to express yourself, then give me the same respect please... I beg you.... please please

I choose to define myself

How many of us bother to define ourselves and stand by it? The recent attack on my precious blog somehow led me to conclude not many, at least in the Philippine Military Academy. We claim that we are the best and the brightest, the future leaders of the land yet we never bother to analyze the truth behind it... or is it just a perception that we try to ride on, take advantage of simply because we are the so called cadets of the Philippine Military Academy.

For the purpose of academic discussion, let me discuss the things that I know about how things are supposed to be done and how people of my institution act. This is not some expert opinion, I may be wrong, but this is just an analysis of why people act the way they are and why it shouldn't be the case.

As early as plebe year (first year) the message is clear, obedience is paramount. As a plebe you are expected to carry out all orders coming from your chain of command and not question it. When you become a yearling (second year) you are given responsibilities and no matter how obedience was emphasized the year before, it can not be the case for you know that you are required to accomplish a certain task. As a secondclass (third year) the responsibility becomes greater for now you are entrusted with the training of the underclass cadets. Finally, when you become a firstie (fourth year) the whole organization revolves around how you want things to be done.

The significant difference in all the levels as a cadet is basically on the amount of responsibility that you are entrusted with. At the lowest level when your responsibility is basically to see to it that you survive training, following is the best way to do it. But in the succeeding years, choices had to be made and you must define yourself. If not, you will be swallowed by the system and you will never learn to do what you are supposed to do. So the question goes, how does waiting until you become fit in? You wait because at each level responsibility gradually increases. You wait for the time where you will be able to stand up for your principles and correct what you find wrong and do the right thing. To do the wrong thing even if you know that it is wrong is simply stupidity and obviously a betrayal of what we have learned as cadets. In the end, it is not really about adapting to the system but making a difference within the system. We are the best because we are SUPPOSED to be the light inside the system that has been constantly plagued by corruption. We are leaders because we are to lead our subordinates in what is supposed to be done and not just accept what has been handed down to us by our predecessors. We are leaders because we owe it to the Filipino people.

Like many of the people out there, even non cadets, I too am uncertain of the things ahead. I, too, hope that what I do now will prepare me for the greater challenges afterwards. But I stand on what I do know. I stand on the reality of the situation I am in and do what I think I should do. I do not judge people because that is how the perceive things, but simply because we do not agree on our perception does not necessarily mean that the other is wrong, for all we know we may all be right... or wrong. History will judge our actions now and I am believing that history will judge me fairly.

To my critiques, if you do not agree with me, so be it, do what you are supposed to do, you do not own me so do not control me, don't read what I write, don't visit my blog and if you want to launch a campaign against my blog-- do it, harrassing me is simply being coward... I'm sorry but that is just how it is. Kayo lang din ang maeendorse...

Harrassment!!!

The image you see in the right is an entry from my shoutbox that I deleted, it's lame but there is more to that and I am to write it down in a little while.

The last entry about the lessons that I learned was about an incident that happened a few hours before I wrote it. It was something that should not be written and do not intend to write about believing that the other people concerned will be mature enough not to act stupid and embarrass themselves in the world wide web. But I guess SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST STUPID that they'd rather declare it to the whole world than shut their mouths so that people will not notice. It is sad to say that I received some threat to the ideas that I write in this blog. I am very aware that many people read this blog, others follow what happened to stories I told and others find something in the ideas that are presented but none so far who'd go as far as harrassing the author.

This people do not understand what is the point to this and I just hope they read this for the benefit of their small brains. This blog is an evolution of expression from the lowest part of my life when I was a frustrated discharged ex PMA cadet wishing to go back, to the fulfillment of that wish and still a continuing struggle of trying to make good and do something out of my life. It is a testament of how one person's dream can actually illustrate the beauty of life according to the way I see the world. This is not just some insistent ranting that cultivates hatred, disobedience and deliberate defiance to existing norms. Rather, this is a chronicle of what transpires in a normal person's life who happens to find himself inside the halls of the country's premier military institution, the Philippine Military Academy. I believe that I earned my place as a competent writer not just speaking of nonsense but of ideas that are based on my own perception of truth and what really matters in this world. I admit that I do not have the monopoly of ideas, nor do I have the wisdom that never falters. But I also assert that my ideas are just as good as other rational people and they do not have the slightest right to stop me from expressing this ideas. We may not necessarily agree on the actuations of cadets or soldiers in general and there is no fault in that, the wrongdoing comes when they harrass me just because we do not agree on certain issues. I do not care if people will think that I am some self centered individual who has this obsession in writing ideas, nor does it matter to me that people hate me for it. The truth remains that I am putting all these ideas for the whole world to see because I believe in the beauty of life, if they can't handle that then I beg them not to go to this blog (it's really that simple if you just tried to mind your own business) But of course, they are the protectors of cadet actuation, they insist that cadets always have to act in a certain way and the saddest of it all is that they insist that they should act in a manner that they dictate.

Well people, I do not wish to add more fuel to this conflict, I am hoping that they stop harrassing me and just mind their own business. The lesson about this whole experience is simple, we just can not please everybody. We all have our now individual characteristics, traits that make us unique. We are this way because this is how God has planned to use us for His will. The writer in me defines who I am and I believe this is how I am to be used. How? I do not know but in time I know I will.

For all those who visit my site every now and then, thank you very much and I hope somehow the purpose of this blog is attained. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.